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Who wrote those rhymes?
Comments
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In the German nick
where the hang you by the dick
and they draw dirty pictures on the wall
you may fart all day
but you'll never get away
and the mice play snooker with your balls
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Arsehole, arsehole, a soldier you may be
to piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee
Fuck you, fuck you , for curiosity
Fight for the old c***, fight for the old c***, fight for the old country.1 -
Inbetweeners.MrOneLung said:
Bagsy.Stig said:What did you shout out, when you wanted to be first at something?
For me and my mates in the 1970s it was always 'Bagsy!"(bagsee). My mum and dad (1930s) said that they shouted 'Bags I' (bags eye). My kids (2000s) shouted 'Bugsy' or for reasons that seemed inexplicable to me 'Shotgun'.Shotgun is only for getting front passenger seat of the car0 -
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I have often seen her lamb
But never seen her bare.0 -
Never watched itCovered End said:
Inbetweeners.MrOneLung said:
Bagsy.Stig said:What did you shout out, when you wanted to be first at something?
For me and my mates in the 1970s it was always 'Bagsy!"(bagsee). My mum and dad (1930s) said that they shouted 'Bags I' (bags eye). My kids (2000s) shouted 'Bugsy' or for reasons that seemed inexplicable to me 'Shotgun'.Shotgun is only for getting front passenger seat of the car
Shotgun was always used in American series/movies in the 80’s0 -
Mary had a pretty dress
Twas split down the sides
And every where that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs
Mary had another dress
Twas split right down the front
And every where that Mary went
The boys could see her petticoat9 -
She offered her honour
I honoured her offer
And all night long I was on her and off her0 -
If I'm a chicken, your a duck.
I lay eggs and you lay muck.0 -
Jesus Christ, Superstar.
Walks like a woman and he wears a bra.1 -
After the Heinz baked beans advert.I sometimes think my man prefers some tart much more than me.You ought to see the horn he gets when she comes round to tea.I need his cock as much as her, in fact, I need it more.Because I’m a decent living girl and she’s a bleedin’ whore.1
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I remember something like that too but I think it was the Mary Whitehouse Experience, not Viz. Maybe they both did something similar.gilbertfilbert said:Viz published a hilarious ‘obituary’ of the pre-eminent playground poet and professor of playground poetry once. I can’t find it, but it would be worth putting up here if someone can.0 -
Gribbo said:Weren't there one about Hitler only having one ball and the other being in the Albert Hall?Hitler has only got one ball,Göring has two but very small.HimlerHas something similarBut Göbbels has no balls at all.1
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It won’t come down no more.man_at_milletts said:Auntie MaryHad a canaryUp the leg of her drawers,It won't come downfor Half-a-crown??????????????????????Does anybody know the original last line?0 -
Probably from seeing American TV or films where people claim “shotgun” to sit in the front passenger seat,Stig said:What did you shout out, when you wanted to be first at something?
For me and my mates in the 1970s it was always 'Bagsy!"(bagsee). My mum and dad (1930s) said that they shouted 'Bags I' (bags eye). My kids (2000s) shouted 'Bugsy' or for reasons that seemed inexplicable to me 'Shotgun'.1 -
There once was a man from Darjeeling
Who boarded a bus bound for Ealing
The sign on the Door
Said "Don't spit on the floor"
So he stood up a spat on the ceiling...3 -
There was a young girl from Devizes,
Who had tits that were different sizes,
The left one was small and was no use at all.
But the right one was huge and won prizes.
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Fatty and skinny were in the bath
Fatty blew off and skinny laughed
Fatty and skinny were in the bed
Fatty blew off and skinny was dead5 -
I've seen quite a few of these before and I'm pretty certain they were written by a bloke (or bird) named Anon.
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There was a young girl from Australia
Who’s arse was shaped just like a dahlia
5p a smell was all very well
But 10p a lick was a failure
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There was a young lady from Rhyl
Who used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And her tits ended up in Brasil7 -
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There was a young lady from Morton
Who had one long tit and one short’n
To make up for that she had a very large prat
And a fart like a 500 Norton4 -
A Peruvian gaucho named Bruno
Said there’s one thing I certainly do know
A woman is fine and a sheep is divine
But a llama is numero uno5 -
There once was @SoundAsa£
Who knew every limerick around
He seems to know quite a few
A few of them Blue
But you can't get too many to the pound
...😉3 -
I left this one until last as it’s a bit OTT ……..so apologies to any sensitive souls out there.
The was a young woman from the Azores
Who’s c*** was all covered in sores
The dogs in the street wouldn’t eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
That’s all folks!2 -
I like the girls who say they will,and I like the girls who won'tI hate the girls who say they willand they say they won'tBut of all the girls I like the bestand I think I could be rightare the girls who say they never willbut look as if they might.0
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Oh yes and one I made up myself some years back.
There was a young lady from Chippenham
Who wore draws with a very large rip in ‘em
She let a waiter named Jack go in from the back
Well bollocks it was better than tip’n ‘im3 -
Ollie ollie ollie, tits in a trolley, balls in the biscuit tin. Sitting on the grass with a finger up your arse,,
playing with your ding-a-linga-a-ling.
A classic! That makes absolutely no sense....2 -
Roses are red
violets are blue
I cannot rhyme
Fuck off Palace you stripey cnuts1 -
There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the river.
A man in a punt
Grabbed hold of her arm;
Said, "You can't do that round here, it's private."0 -
The was a young lady called Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turlte
And what’s more abominable
A swelling abdominal
Proved to Myrtle, the turtle was fertile1
