Who wrote those rhymes?

man_at_milletts

There was a young Bishop from Birmingham,

Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em,

As they knelt on the Hassock,

He'd lift up his cassock

and pump his episcopal sperm in 'em.

gilbertfilbert

Found it:

*OBITUARY*

SIR ALGERNON SPENCE-PERCIVAL

Sir Algernon Spence-Percival, OBE, KG, Playground Poet Laureate
1968-2002, died on January 11th aged 102.

Algernon Spence-Percival was born on March 6th 1901, youngest son of Hector Spence-Percival. Himself a minor playground poet in his own right, Hector made a comfortable, if not lavish living from the royalties on his ever popular composition "Chinese/japanese/knobbly knees/what are these?".

The young Algernon was educated at Marlborough where he first
developed his own love of playground poetry. His early effort:
"Milk/milk/Lemonade/round the back/Chocolate's made." caught the eye of Professor Gowens-Whyte at Trinity Hall, Cambridge who immediately offered him a scholarship.

After an unremarkable academic career, Spence-Percival took up a post as Visiting Professor of Playground Poetry at Durham University and it was during his 20 years there - which he later recalled as the happiest of his life - that he wrote his masterpiece, and the poem by which he will always be remembered. "My friend Billy/ Had a ten foot willy,/ He showed it to the girl next door./ She thought it was a snake/ so she hit it with a rake/ And now it's only five foot four." was published to commemorate the death of George VI in 1952, earning Spence-Percival immediate critical acclaim.

He was appointed Playground Poet Laureate in 1968, and his first work under Royal patronage: "Georgie Best/ Superstar/ walks like a woman/and he wears a bra." was written a year later to mark the investiture of Prince Charles as Prince of Wales.

In contrast, his final composition, commissioned to mark the funeral
of the Princess of Wales, was perhaps his finest work, perfectly capturing the mood of a nation united in grief: "Ip, dip, doo/ Doggy does a poo/ Cat does a wee-wee/ Out goes you." 

He is survived by his wife, Celia and their two sons.

with credit to Viz.

gilbertfilbert

Childish of me, but it still makes me laugh out loud.

Friend Or Defoe

There once was a man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Blades of grass grew out his arse
And his balls were covered in weeds.

man_at_milletts

My mother said that I never should
Play with the gypsies in the wood
Grave were the dangers, so said she

Of playing with the Romany.

Not particularly PC in the modern day.

SuedeAdidas

man_at_milletts said:

My mother said that I never should
Play with the gypsies in the wood
Grave were the dangers, so said she

Of playing with the Romany.

Not particularly PC in the modern day.

Scans well though 

red10

The hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees, one red one, one white one, one with a bit of sh1te on and one with a fairy light to show us the way,  the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees...

man_at_milletts

red10 said:

The hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees, one red one, one white one, one with a bit of sh1te on and one with a fairy light to show us the way,  the hairs on her dicky dido hang down to her knees...

The Mayor or Baywater, has got a lovely daughter

and the hairs on her dicky dido.....

What actually is a dicky dido?  Would you recognise one in the street?

SoundAsa£

SE_7EVEN said:

Here I sit bloody heartfull
Got in for nothing 
A did a cartfull

Here I sit, sly and artful.
Picked the lock and did a cart full.

man_at_milletts

Here I sit, broken hearted,

paid a penny and I only farted.

man_at_milletts

Captain Cook, did a poop

Behind the kitchen door,

The cat came in, and ate it up

and then he asked for more.

Lennon/McCartney - Richards/Jagger eat your hearts out.

SoundAsa£

Dr Morgan’s unquestionably amazing world famous elixir.

Cures moles, voles, scabby holes and spots before the eyes.
Makes you cough, cum, fuck your own bum and a lame horse win The Derby.

man_at_milletts

We're 3 kings of Leicester Square

Selling knickers at two bob a pair

They're fantastic, no elastic,

That's what the women wear.

Two bob = ten pence in old money.

eastterrace6168

man_at_milletts said:

Here I sit, broken hearted,

paid a penny and I only farted.

Here I sit, Proud as punch
Just a penny, for half me lunch...

IdleHans

A poem entitled 'Old Ladies' Knickers'

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ethel's are green


(Lee Mack, I think)