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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
Comments
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I've been trying to look up the lyrics for U2 songs.
I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
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Hippos can outrun humans on land and in water. So if you’re in a triathlon against a hippo you really need to take advantage of the cycling section of the race.
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Someone's been buying perfume & aftershave with my credit card.I think it's been cologned.7
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married……
Fiancee0 -
Well, she famously never carried cash, so...0
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Took my cat’s medication by accident. Don’t ask meow
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Meanwhile at the local registry office ..
Do you, Linda, take Barry the Optician to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better. or worse?
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And on the wedding night.."is it better like this...or like this? Like this...or like this?"13
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My grandfather fought in Norway, Africa, and France in WW2, and he’d be proud of Reform UK. Mind you, he was in the Waffen SS.12
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"Can you read the top line?"IdleHans said:And on the wedding night.."is it better like this...or like this? Like this...or like this?"
"It's not a word I recognise. Is it Hungarian for Eye Test"?2 -
Funny. Tasteless, but funny.2 -
Ive just watched Nosferatu and felt really confused.
Maybe I should have watched Nosfera-One first2 -
When filling out some forms it asked for an emergency contact number….
so I put 99910 -
I played golf once and shot a 59.Then I moved on to the second tee.5
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I also tried golf the once, wasn't impressed. I was just hanging around waiting ages for the bloke on the first tee to finish pfaffing around, so I gave up and went home. Wasted all my money buying an Audi, Pringle sweaters, and golf clubs for nothing!0
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Everytime my mate plays golf I ask 'what did go round in?'
He always replies 'a pringle jumper and a pair of plus fours'.0 - Sponsored links:
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Apparently Indian fighter pilots dropped a1000 onion bhajis and 500 pakoras on Pakistan.... they said thats just for starters.
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A man with sore legs walks into a Geordie doctor’s office.The doctor says, “So, how can I help ye?”The man says, “I’ve got knee problems.”The doctor says, “Well stop wastin’ me time then. There’s people oot there in the queue who really need help.”2
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.AddicksAddict said:
Did you do better on that hole?I played golf once and shot a 59.Then I moved on to the second tee.0 -
Bloke walks into a cafe theres a sign on the wall that says "we can make any sandwich or we'll give you £1000"
he walks up to the counter and says " is that right a bag of sand if you cant make the sandwich of my choice"
Yes Sir the owner says
The bloke says right ill have an elephants head sandwich please
The owner say yes sir take seat well be right back.
The owner goes out the back and the bloke sits at a table
Theres a load of trumpeting noises coming from the back theres crashing banging and one of the assistants comes running through covered in blood followed a few minutes later by another two carrying stretcher with another bloke on it.
The noises are getting louder as the elephants put up a massive fight
This goes on for a about 30 minutes after which theres a loud BANG!!!
The noises stop and theres a sigh of relief from the assistants as the elephant meets his maker.
After another 20 minutes the owner comes out battered and covered in blood
He walks up to the bloke and says Here you go heres your grand three of my assistants are in hospital ones dead and sos the elephant so there you go.
The bloke says i knew you couldnt make an elephants head sandwich he picks up his money and walks towards the door he stops and looks at the owners and says incidently what went wrong?
The owner looks up and says we run out of bread.
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My Chinese mate next door said to me "I've opened a crows shop"
I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"
He said, "No, a crows shop, come and take a rook."
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Hmmm, call me churlish but that seems on odd thing to post on the forum of a club whose only major silverware was 78 years ago.Raith_C_Chattonell said:
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More a comment on expectancy than anything else Stig.
Do Arsenal tend to win stuff? Yep. Do I expect Charlton to win the FA Cup? Nope.
Just a gentle leg pull, nothing more.6 -
A perfectly good dig at supporters who complain when they finish in the top four of the top flight.Stig said:
Hmmm, call me churlish but that seems on odd thing to post on the forum of a club whose only major silverware was 78 years ago.Raith_C_Chattonell said:3
