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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803
    MrWalker said:
    AddicksAddict said:
    Swindon_Addick said:
    AddicksAddict said:
    Not so much a joke, more it raises the question of how did we lose a war to this lot?

    Has to be satire, surely? Someone sending up the tendency of people who describe themselves as Christians following Trump despite him contradicting everything the Bible tells people to do? It's a reference to the Bible text about people resorting to worshipping a statue while they were wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt. (This didn't end well for them, but it's assumed that most of these "evangelicals" haven't read enough of the Bible to know that.)
    I’m not sure Americans do satire. Alanis Morissette (US citizen since 2005) can’t even do irony. 
    I don’t know. She did a couple of my shirts very well when I stayed over
    I know the meaning of irony - nickel is more irony than copper.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803
    cafcfan said:
    You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.
    May be an image of text
    @cafcfan, could you explain, please?
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803

  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,234
    AddicksAddict said:
    cafcfan said:
    You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.
    May be an image of text
    @cafcfan, could you explain, please?
    Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.
  • Fumbluff
    Fumbluff Posts: 10,134
    iaitch said:
    AddicksAddict said:
    cafcfan said:
    You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.
    May be an image of text
    @cafcfan, could you explain, please?
    Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.
    How many hoovers do that though?
  • Fumbluff
    Fumbluff Posts: 10,134
    Honestly it’s like people just post a load of old nonsense on here theses days
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803
    iaitch said:
    AddicksAddict said:
    cafcfan said:
    You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.
    May be an image of text
    @cafcfan, could you explain, please?
    Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.
    Thanks. 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803
    Fumbluff said:
    Honestly it’s like people just post a load of old nonsense on here theses days
    It’s the way you tell ‘em. 
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,108
    Breaking news:

    The manager of the Bexleyheath cinema complex has tragically passed away.

    His funeral is next Tuesday at 2.00pm, 4.15pm, 6.45pm and 8.30pm.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 633
    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are strolling through London when a cat leaps on Watson out of nowhere and pisses on him.

    "Oh, bloody hell!" Watson exclaims. "My coat is ruined!"

    "You'll have to take it up with the owner," Sherlock replies calmly.

    "But I haven’t the slightest idea who the owner is!"

    "Elementary, my dear Watson. You are both pissed on and pissed off at the same time, so it must be Schrödinger's cat."

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  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,108
    Famous people of Bexley- comedian Linda Smith.

    Linda Smith (1958–2006), stand-up comic and radio comedienne, was born and raised in Erith and attended Bexleyheath School and Erith College. Technically she actually lived in Belvedere as was brought up in Riverdale Road.
    Smith famously joked that Erith "is not twinned with any town but does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" and ‘Erith is in Kent - the "Garden of England" I can only assume Erith is the outside toilet because it is a shit house.’. 
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,108
    Due to a misheard Carpenters' lyric, when I was a kid, I thought the first alien life form to contact earth, was called Colin Octopus…
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803

  • R0TW
    R0TW Posts: 1,680
    I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,803
    R0TW said:
    I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

    Too early a start, too little food. 
  • thai malaysia addick
    thai malaysia addick Posts: 18,341
    "Are you alright in there, Watson?"
    "Yes"
    "I can hear a lot of straining sounds. Are you sure you are alright?"
    "Yes"
    "I think you're constipated, Watson"
    "No shit, Sherlock"
  • Foxycafc
    Foxycafc Posts: 1,214

  • Foxycafc
    Foxycafc Posts: 1,214

  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,108


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  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,234
    Foxycafc said:

    Then she moans on social media that people were looking at her.
  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,602
    I asked Rick Astley if I could have some of his Pixar DVD's. He said 'I will give you Cars and Toy Story but I'm never going to give you Up.'
  • jose
    jose Posts: 633
    Yesterday I was in hospital having a mole removed from my penis.
    I’m not shagging one of those again.
  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,772
    I told this blonde lady that I feeling cold and she told me to go stand in the corner. 
    I said “is it warmer?”
    she said “yes….. it’s 90 degrees “
  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,772
    You’d think a snail would be faster without it’s shell but in fact it’s a little sluggish 
  • SoundAsa£
    SoundAsa£ Posts: 22,485
    Fella turns up at a night club only to find you have to be wearing a tie.
    Bouncer flatly refuse’s to allow him in.
    Pissed off, he goes back to his car to rummage through its content to see what he could come up with…..he finds a pair of jump leads.
    He manages to fashion what could pass as a tie.
    Turning up at the door again, he shows the bouncer his ‘tie’.
    “Ok, on this occasion I’ll let you in…..just don’t start anything.”
  • Stuart_the_Red
    Stuart_the_Red Posts: 1,854
    .
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,870
    Taxi_Lad said:
    You’d think a snail would be faster without it’s shell but in fact it’s a little sluggish 
    What did the slug say to the snail?

    ’Big issue’ 
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,038
    R0TW said:
    I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

    By the looks on their faces, I'd say that the two on the outside were playing footsie under the table and he's suddenly taken it a step too far. ;)
  • jose
    jose Posts: 633
    I once had to dump a girlfriend who kept taking the piss out of me for being colourblind. It was a massive grey flag for me !

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