A bloke walks into a pub next to a hospital looking ashen faced, wearing a sweaty gown and towing a drip along with him. He goes to the bar and says 'Can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 Jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila?'
The barman hesitates for a minute but decides its a free country and starts pouring out the drinks. The man downs them as they're poured, only pausing occasionally to cough and wipe the sweat from his brow, finishing by seeing the tequila shots off at pace.
The patient, now even more pasty-faced, looks at the barman sadly and sighs:
'I really shouldn't have drunk all that with what I've got...'
A bloke walks into a pub next to a hospital looking ashen faced, wearing a sweaty gown and towing a drip along with him. He goes to the bar and says 'Can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 Jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila?'
The barman hesitates for a minute but decides its a free country and starts pouring out the drinks. The man downs them as they're poured, only pausing occasionally to cough and wipe the sweat from his brow, finishing by seeing the tequila shots off at pace.
The patient, now even more pasty-faced, looks at the barman sadly and sighs:
'I really shouldn't have drunk all that with what I've got...'
The barman replies: 'why... what have you got?'
'About £3.50"
Shorter version, as I originally heard it:
Cowboy goes into the saloon. “Quick, give me a whiskey before the trouble starts”.
Barnan serves him. “When does the trouble start?”.
Cowboy downs it in one. “Now. I don’t have any money”.
A horse is in the pub having a few when he spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter,
donkey asks "what did you do for a living"
horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter",
Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" ,
then he asks "did you win anything"
horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”,
They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this c*** he's done everything" , so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace,
the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall",
A horse is in the pub having a few when he spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter,
donkey asks "what did you do for a living"
horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter",
Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" ,
then he asks "did you win anything"
horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”,
They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this c*** he's done everything" , so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace,
the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall",
donkey replies
" thats me when I played for Juventus !"
He was lying, wasn’t he? He really played for Notts County.
Comments
Cowboy goes into the saloon. “Quick, give me a whiskey before the trouble starts”.
Barnan serves him. “When does the trouble start?”.
Cowboy downs it in one. “Now. I don’t have any money”.
its about Russel Brand……so definitely worth the click 😄
The waiter becomes quite concerned and marches over and tells them “You cannt eat your own sandwiches in here”
The lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders and exchange sandwiches.
Be the adult.
Piss them off until they unfriend you.
Wife - "Have you checked the fuse?"
donkey asks "what did you do for a living"
horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter",
Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" ,
then he asks "did you win anything"
horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”,
They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this c*** he's done everything" , so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace,
the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall",
donkey replies
" thats me when I played for Juventus !"