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Things you do to annoy others

2

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  • Not something I do now, but fully intend to do when I’m retired: go to the shops at lunch time and leave my cart in the middle of the aisle while doddering around looking for two for the price of one offers!
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,791
    deliberately asking people who have "reserved" the seat next to them with a bag on the train if they can move their bag so that I can sit down, even if there are other seats available.
    That’s a duty, teach the feckers a lesson. 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,791
    Tell People that I’m going on holiday tomorrow. 

    By the way I’m going on holiday tomorrow to Lanzarote. Can’t wait 😜 
    Point out that when people say “can’t wait“ that they’re being incorrect because obviously they do have to wait.
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,969
    edited October 2024
    Not something I do now, but fully intend to do when I’m retired: go to the shops at lunch time and leave my cart in the middle of the aisle while doddering around looking for two for the price of one offers!
    Dont forget to try to settle up with a handful of tatty and largely expired newspaper vouchers for things you havent even bought, and pay with handfuls of coins, counted out while the checkout bod sighs loudly and rolls their eyes. Helps if you turn to the building queue behind you and apologise insincerely while smirking inwardly. Goes without saying really, but if paying by card make sure you forget your PIN number until the last attempt, for which you've rummaged your spectacles out of an almost bottomless shopping bag. All this best applies at the 10 items or less 'quick' checkout, of course, even though youve got at least 20.
    Have to make your own entertainment when youre retired.


  • Alwaysneil
    Alwaysneil Posts: 13,806
    MrOneLung said:
    Introduce my missus as 'my first wife'
    I once referred to my partner as 'my current girlfriend' in front of a client. He wisely advised me that if i used that phrase in front of her the phrase would very quickly be incorrect.
  • SuedeAdidas
    SuedeAdidas Posts: 7,741
    Tapping / drumming my feet. 
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    Whenevery kids would ask me to put their shoes on I'd say "they won't fit". Gutted when they learned to do it themselves 
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,026
    edited October 2024
    IdleHans said:
    Whenever I open the fridge or freezer I say "cool" and do a stupid thumbs up. Whenever I get the cheese grater out of the cupboard i say "grate" in a birmingham accent, just because it amuses me no end. Nobody even needs to be present for these things to happen, as long as the dog is somewhere about. The cheese grater is his favourite utensil anyway. I swear that dog can hear it coming out of the cupboard and distinguish it from any other implement even when he's upstairs. By the time i say grate, he's at the kitchen door asking for cheese.
    I am known for not putting the butter back in the fridge, which i am reminded about every time Mrs Idle goes into the kitchen and shouts "Butter!" at the top of her voice. Apparently that annoys her.
    Any mention of any place in the midlands sets me off on a long impromptu monologue in a fake Brummie accent that will likely include references to "Doodlei Zoological Gaardens", "Coom on the Villa", "That Peter Kay bloke broke down by the RAC centre in Walsall" and "do you remember that Ted Chippington bloke, chief" and so on. The family play along and pretend it's funny, but I'm sure they hate it. Iwy muss just say thow, it's absolutely brulliant now that Lee Carsley is England manager. The fun just never stops in our ouse.    
  • BoysOwn
    BoysOwn Posts: 67
    edited October 2024
    Cry on the train on my way to work.
  • muppetman
    muppetman Posts: 287
    Dad jokes and repeating dad jokes! Also repeating jokes in general just annoys everyone.

    Holding my wife’s hand in public and dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice. That really annoys her!  :D


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  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    edited October 2024
    muppetman said:

    Holding my wife’s hand in public and dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice. That really annoys her!  :D


    Holding my wife's hand in public, dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice, whilst making Cheetah noises, and flinging my dung at passers-by with my spare hand. That really annoys her! ;)
  • muppetman
    muppetman Posts: 287
    Hal1x said:
    muppetman said:

    Holding my wife’s hand in public and dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice. That really annoys her!  :D


    Holding my wife's hand in public, dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice, whilst making Cheetah noises, and flinging my dung at passers-by with my spare hand. That really annoys her! ;)
    I can’t LOL this enough.
    I am in tears, picturing the look of horror on her face if I did that!
  • Fumbluff
    Fumbluff Posts: 10,127
    muppetman said:
    Hal1x said:
    muppetman said:

    Holding my wife’s hand in public and dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice. That really annoys her!  :D


    Holding my wife's hand in public, dropping half a step behind, and then start walking like a chimpanzee to see how long it takes her to notice, whilst making Cheetah noises, and flinging my dung at passers-by with my spare hand. That really annoys her! ;)
    I can’t LOL this enough.
    I am in tears, picturing the look of horror on her face if I did that!
    Do you know his wife well enough to hold her hand?
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,485
    Jumping out and scaring the Mrs
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,026
    edited October 2024
    Absolutely abuse Nathan Jones.
  • I once told my wife and the kids I could see a ghost behind the tv. They all looked at me as though I was mad. I then said that the ghost was fiddling with the buttons on the tv. They looked me as though I was completely bonkers. Then, the tv went off and they jumped out of their skins. Simple trick: just set the tv to turn off in 30 mins and get the wife and kids in the room 29 mins later. 
  • fadgadget
    fadgadget Posts: 1,392
    edited October 2024
    My mates at work telling me to put the kettle on and me saying " It wont fit me " . Used that one for years 
  • Chunes
    Chunes Posts: 17,349
    edited October 2024
    When the kids/wife are listening to music on Alexa in another room, I use the app to change the song to Who Let The Dogs Out. This has backfired because the kids have decided they like that song and now they play it constantly and it's driving me insane.
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,601
    The light switch to our downstairs toilet is on the outside and whenever my wife or daughter are in there I turn it off for a few seconds.
  • Anything I do that annoys my wife is, apparently, done deliberately. 
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  • I'll start - driving at a few mph under the speed limit for as long as possible when someone tailgates you.
    I had to resort to this today!

    Always fun.
  • McBobbin
    McBobbin Posts: 12,051
    "afternoon" or "half day is it?" if i arrive before or leave after a colleague
  • SOTF
    SOTF Posts: 1,149
    edited October 2024
    Saying ‘Pardon?’ whenever someone mentions not being able to hear something or someone losing their hearing. It feels obligatory.
  • Nothing I hope.

    To annoy people on purpose is a dickish thing to do. 
    Oh golfie.
  • IdleHans said:
    Not something I do now, but fully intend to do when I’m retired: go to the shops at lunch time and leave my cart in the middle of the aisle while doddering around looking for two for the price of one offers!
    Dont forget to try to settle up with a handful of tatty and largely expired newspaper vouchers for things you havent even bought, and pay with handfuls of coins, counted out while the checkout bod sighs loudly and rolls their eyes. Helps if you turn to the building queue behind you and apologise insincerely while smirking inwardly. Goes without saying really, but if paying by card make sure you forget your PIN number until the last attempt, for which you've rummaged your spectacles out of an almost bottomless shopping bag. All this best applies at the 10 items or less 'quick' checkout, of course, even though youve got at least 20.
    Have to make your own entertainment when youre retired.


    I do all of this now, and I'm still working.
  • Hal1x
    Hal1x Posts: 4,265
    IdleHans said:
    Not something I do now, but fully intend to do when I’m retired: go to the shops at lunch time and leave my cart in the middle of the aisle while doddering around looking for two for the price of one offers!
    Dont forget to try to settle up with a handful of tatty and largely expired newspaper vouchers for things you havent even bought, and pay with handfuls of coins, counted out while the checkout bod sighs loudly and rolls their eyes. Helps if you turn to the building queue behind you and apologise insincerely while smirking inwardly. Goes without saying really, but if paying by card make sure you forget your PIN number until the last attempt, for which you've rummaged your spectacles out of an almost bottomless shopping bag. All this best applies at the 10 items or less 'quick' checkout, of course, even though youve got at least 20.
    Have to make your own entertainment when youre retired.


    Also remember to then look through your bag for your loyalty card, "it's here somewhere!", find it, then spend ages presenting it wrong, upside down, back to front, swiping it backwards, taking it out, rubbing the back, then remove and try rubbing the strip etc then put it back in backwards, back to front, upside down again.... then say oh its "the wrong card we're in Sainsbury's aren't we, then repeat the above until you run out of the wrong loyalty cards and have to use the right one, all so that you get 5 nectar points on your tin of kanga chunks.
  • Chunes
    Chunes Posts: 17,349
    edited October 2024
    Nothing I hope.

    To annoy people on purpose is a dickish thing to do. 
    How would you rate your sense of irony out of 10...;)
  • Callumcafc
    Callumcafc Posts: 63,766
    Posting stats on match threads
  • Posting stats on match threads
    Gotta keep your xA(nnoyance) figures up! 
  • This one's old but will work for generations. Refer to a boy's action figures as dolls.