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New lad @ work - Palace Season ticket holder.

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PopIcon Posts: 5,970
in Fun, Jokes & Captions
This New lad stated today, turns out he's a Palace fan. Early indications suggest he's a bit cocky, a bit of a know it all and a bit smug.
Three traits that I immediately associate with them over there yes, but I've never had had to share any air with one before. He even had the cheek to turn my Chris Powell cutout mask that is cello-taped to a ruler around so it's facing the wall.

It's his first day and I'm giving him some basic training. The question is what should I do?

1. Be over friendly with him, it's his first day and it's only football. Take him out for lunch and welcome him in to his new job.
2. Keep the training to the basic minimum. Keep it professional, but ultimately be polite.
3. Ignore him in the office, make it clear that you intend not to be friends.
4. Start a rumour that he touched an underage girl that led to him getting sacked from his old job, ultimately ending with him getting the sack.
5. Other.
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Comments

  • Redrobo
    Redrobo Posts: 11,330
    Tell everyone he is a Palace fan. That should do it.
  • iainment
    iainment Posts: 8,039

    I'd do number 2 but with the usual training. You're better than him by definition so you don't need to lower yourself.
  • eaststandmike
    eaststandmike Posts: 14,956
    5. Other. Just be polite and make an effort to get on with him. He supports a rival football team, it's not life threatening.
  • stonewallpenalty
    stonewallpenalty Posts: 3,842
    Its only football.
  • SE7toSG3
    SE7toSG3 Posts: 3,140
    edited January 2014
    1 - Ride it out, its probably only a one year season ticket, if they go down he will return to supporting his local Surrey team United.

    2 - Only address him using the correct social etiquette of Nigel

    3 - if he is a true Palace fan then be reassured that all things in football move in cycles (except losing against Millwall & drawing Huddersfield in the cup) so your time for smugness will return.

    In honesty I know a couple of Palace ST and get on very well with them, we do not see eye to eye football wise but outside of that have no problems at all. One who has missed only a handfull of games in the last 20 years says he is really missing the games that count, us, Brighton and Millwall.
  • charente addick
    charente addick Posts: 3,808
    anonymously leave a tube of Clearasil on his desk before he gets in tomorrow morning
  • MrLargo
    MrLargo Posts: 7,989
    The Chris Powell mask related behaviour is totally unacceptable for a first day at the office. If he's willing to do that on day one with someone he's only just met, I suspect his "banter" will only become more offensive as he gets more settled in.

    I like option 4. I'd also slip a few laxatives in his tea, just to keep things ticking over while you're waiting for the rumours to get around.
  • Brendan_O_Connell
    Brendan_O_Connell Posts: 8,938
    Option 4 is probably true so I doubt he will be with you for very long anyway.
  • Greenie Junior
    Greenie Junior Posts: 3,881
    4, without question
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,591
    Take him out for a drink and kick the sh*t out of him!
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  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,288
    MrLargo said:

    The Chris Powell mask related behaviour is totally unacceptable for a first day at the office. If he's willing to do that on day one with someone he's only just met

    Agree with this but I'd choose option 2...
  • sam3110
    sam3110 Posts: 21,246
    Hang a palace teddy up by its neck over his desk
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,729
    4 is cruel. If he wasn't palace. definitely 4
  • Ormiston_Addick
    Ormiston_Addick Posts: 8,810
    If he has a desk phone then put cellotape over the speaker, if you put it on well then he won't notice and all his phone calls will be tortuous.

    Another good one is re-adjusting his office chair every day before he gets in, that drives people nuts.
  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,288
    Ormiston Addick said:

    Another good one is re-adjusting his office chair every day before he gets in, that drives people nuts.

    I can vouch for that... Hated it when people used to do it to my chair
  • Macronate
    Macronate Posts: 12,890
    5

    assuming it's 1 on 1 training, initially say very loudly "I'd prefer it if you didn't pass wind when I'm training you".

    when he looks at you in a confused state, then say loudly "there is no need for profanities young man".

    when he tries to utter "what are you talking about", punch yourself in the face and then fall into him before taking him to the ground and wrestling with him on the floor for a bit.

    when you both get up, throw your voice stating "you deserved that you Charlton wanker. I hate that Red Red Robin song".

    then report him to your Line Manager and go down the disciplinary route.

    as you're walking back to your desk past him, put four milk bottles on the ends of your fingers on one hand and start clinking them together. when you pass him, look at him in a deranged state and mouth "you see what you get (insert name), you see what you get".
  • DA1
    DA1 Posts: 182
    open him up.
  • Ormiston_Addick
    Ormiston_Addick Posts: 8,810
    ForeverAddickted said:

    Ormiston Addick said:

    Another good one is re-adjusting his office chair every day before he gets in, that drives people nuts.

    I can vouch for that... Hated it when people used to do it to my chair
    I worked at a place here where a full on punch-up broke out over it, absolute crack up because the bloke who was accused of adjusting the chair had nothing to do with it!
  • paulbaconsarnie
    paulbaconsarnie Posts: 9,423
    If by some miracle, Nigel has a girlfriend, find out her name, get hold of his mobile and swap contact details between girlfriend and mum.
  • JiMMy 85
    JiMMy 85 Posts: 10,189
    eaststandmike said:

    5. Other. Just be polite and make an effort to get on with him. He supports a rival football team, it's not life threatening.

    I didn't see an option for 'have a sense of humour bypass'.
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  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,146
    1, with the clear and precise explanation over lunch that if he ever touches your Chris Powell mask again, you will superglue it to his face, and stick the ruler up his arse, sideways...
  • Friend Or Defoe
    Friend Or Defoe Posts: 18,073
    1. But make him pay for it.
  • Garrymanilow
    Garrymanilow Posts: 13,163
    SE7toSG3 said:

    1 - Ride it out, its probably only a one year season ticket, if they go down he will return to supporting his local Surrey team United.

    2 - Only address him using the correct social etiquette of Nigel

    3 - if he is a true Palace fan then be reassured that all things in football move in cycles (except losing against Millwall & drawing Huddersfield in the cup) so your time for smugness will return.

    In honesty I know a couple of Palace ST and get on very well with them, we do not see eye to eye football wise but outside of that have no problems at all. One who has missed only a handfull of games in the last 20 years says he is really missing the games that count, us, Brighton and Millwall.

    I work with a Palace fan and I have never, in the entire time I've known him, addressed him as anything other than Nigel
  • O-Randy-Hunt
    O-Randy-Hunt Posts: 10,633
    I'd do number 2. And smear it all over his desk.
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,620
    Sit on it. Carry on as normal. The CP thing needs sorting, but revenge is a dish best served cold.
  • cafctom
    cafctom Posts: 11,364
    Whenever you are speaking with him, respond to each of his points with "Ok, Nigel". Do this EVERY time, no exceptions. His name is Nigel.

    Every morning when he comes into the office, ask him how his commute from Surrey was. They hate being told they're not South London.

    Blare some sort of annoying jingle/goal music out of your phone whenever he goes to open his mouth.

    On the 15th of EVERY month, remind him that it is the how-ever-many month anniversary to the day that Charlton relegated them in 2005. Maybe even leave balloons and some decorations at his desk for the celebration each time it comes around.
  • Dave2l
    Dave2l Posts: 8,864
    If he's being a dick on his 1st day then he's asking for it.

    5. Keep him under your wing and slowly make his day to day working life hell.
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,823
    If you are not flying.solo on this then stick a mars bar in the freezer for the afternoon. If the boss leaves before everyone else then get a couple of others to pin him down and then smash the frozen mars bar up his backside with the heel of your shoe.

    Tomorrow mention to your boss you are a.bit concerned about the new kids chocolate intake.

  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,021
    You can do any of the things on here, but probably best not to play in front of little kids:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ3PrvhMeE0
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,823
    Oh, and tell him if he ever mentions football again then next time it is a coke can and a cricket bat.

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