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farting

24

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  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    edited August 2014
    Fanny Fanackapan said:

    Wheresmeticket? said:

    But to answer your question. I don't fart. Never have, never will.

    Can't be true, Wmt !

    When I was little , my Dad told me that the only person who doesn't fart is the Queen.

    Not sure how he knew that though....

    No, I was lying. The only thing that stopped me from rattling the chandeliers was living with Mary. Now I live on my own the walls resound, the chairs shake and all of my musical instruments resonate to my emissions.

    Incredibly stereotyped I know. She used to try to stop me shouting and swearing when I was driving as well, bless her. Can't fart, can't swear, what can you do?
  • ross1
    ross1 Posts: 51,004
    sillav nitram said:

    serious question, do you fart a lot. i don't mean pull my finger for fun farting, just everyday farting. i asked my doctor once and he said we all fart about 40 times a day but i think i do more than that.

    it's particularly aggravating when i go to my meditation group twice a week. i seem to spend my whole evening squeezing my butt cheeks together, so i don't let out a stream of loud farts, makes it near impossible to meditate.

    Are you a vegetarian by any chance?
  • shine166
    shine166 Posts: 13,925
    edited August 2014
    Seen this infa red airport fart doing the fb rounds this week

    http://youtu.be/LJUXQ-xzHp4
  • Uboat
    Uboat Posts: 12,199
    As a youngster I once farted so loudly in an enclosed space it was like a gun going off. I really took myself by surprise. Proud moment.
  • RedChaser
    RedChaser Posts: 19,886
    edited August 2014
    Uboat said:

    As a youngster I once farted so loudly in an enclosed space it was like a torpedo going off. I really took myself by surprise. Proud moment.

    Fixed that for you hope you didn't mind :-)
  • ShootersHillGuru
    ShootersHillGuru Posts: 50,629
    Once without trying farted the first five bars of Daniel by Elton John. Been trying to reproduce the moment ever since and never got past Daniel.
  • ross1
    ross1 Posts: 51,004
    My greatest moment was when I was about 18 and at college, had about 3 pints of beer for midday snack plus some home made thick egg sandwiches. Cleared the classroom
  • Uboat
    Uboat Posts: 12,199
    RedChaser said:

    Uboat said:

    As a youngster I once farted so loudly in an enclosed space it was like a torpedo going off. I really took myself by surprise. Proud moment.

    Fixed that for you hope you didn't mind :-)
    I do mind. It was much louder than a torpedo.
  • sillav nitram
    sillav nitram Posts: 10,169
    ForeverAddickted said:

    I love doing a good fart... short and slight / loud and proud doesnt matter - thankfully never followed through!!

    don't get me wrong. i like a good fart just like the next man. but it's oh so better when you can knock one out and leave the vicinity, leaving those behind to suffer.

    a little more tricky when you can't get away and it's obvious where it's come from.

    sadly i did once follow through and no i'm not a vegetarian anymore.
  • Dave2l
    Dave2l Posts: 8,871
    Terrance and Phillip

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  • soapy_jones
    soapy_jones Posts: 21,358
    edited August 2014
    Nothing better than a fart thread...

    One of life's given pleasures and all for free!
  • ValleyGary
    ValleyGary Posts: 37,987
    Bananas really make me fart.
  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,156
    ForeverAddickted said:

    I love doing a good fart... short and slight / loud and proud doesnt matter - thankfully never followed through!!

    You haven't lived.

    One of the few things I can do to a world class level. My nickname at school was "Farmer fartalot of Camelot". The first few bars of Onward Christian Soldiers is a speciality when the conditions are correct.

    Forty a day? That's just not trying hard enough...
  • Greenie
    Greenie Posts: 9,172
    Farting and running up the stairs at the same time is a winner!
    But you must fart on every step
  • Daggs
    Daggs Posts: 1,344
    When my wife was my girlfriend. She assured me women were incapable of farting.
    Having been married 30 years, I can assure you she lied.
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,760
    Depends if there's a big brown dog barking at the back door.
  • Algarveaddick
    Algarveaddick Posts: 21,156
    Bedsaddick said:

    Depends if there's a big brown dog barking at the back door.

    A chocolate hostage?
  • Fanny Fanackapan
    Fanny Fanackapan Posts: 18,740
    When they were first married, back in the 1940s , my Dad used to decamp to the bathroom whenever he felt the need to let one go , hence giving my Mum the impression that he had a VERY weak bladder !

    Think that courtesy was soon binned though...
  • superchrissypowell
    superchrissypowell Posts: 693
    Everyone loves the smell of their own brand. Even if its enough to knock out the family pet, still love the smell of my own. Post curry farts are a wonderful thing.
  • AddickUpNorth
    AddickUpNorth Posts: 8,325
    I'm not sure if this is testament to how dull and unadventurous my life has been but one of my proudest moments was when I cleared the gift shop of the Vancouver to Vancouver Island ferry with the cheekiest trump. Still makes me giggle when I think of the little kid who, through a screwed up face, asked her horrified mum what that nasty smell was.

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  • cs1986
    cs1986 Posts: 1,529
    Farts are all good as long as it's not a shart ...
  • Spanish
    Spanish Posts: 856
    this is such a shitty thread
  • Oliver Street
    Oliver Street Posts: 5,132
    I remember doing an absolute stinker in the lift at M&S in Redhill then slinking out to let the next passengers relish the pong. Life can be such fun!
  • Essex_Al
    Essex_Al Posts: 3,583
    Sunday roast does me every time, all evening farting, bliss!
  • Chizz
    Chizz Posts: 28,341
    A friend of mine entered a farting contest with someone who was certain he'd win. So, pre-match, he made himself a Brussels Sprout Curry.

    Obviously, he won. But can anyone think of a better pre-match meal than that?
  • Darty Valiant
    Darty Valiant Posts: 618
    edited August 2014
    floydroadfaithfull said:

    Farting in the bath is awesome as you hope everyone downstairs heard it?

    Did that as a kid, followed through and had to tell my mum my legs had loads of mud on them when she asked what all the dark stuff floating in the bath was.

    Didnt convince her, sadly.
  • Bournemouth Addick
    Bournemouth Addick Posts: 16,284
    MrOneLung said:

    There is nothing funnier than a fart in a quiet classroom - FACT.

    I'll raise you a 9 year and his 6 year old brother in the local library, back when you used to get 'shushed' if you so much as rustled a page. It was months before mum had the courage to take us back in...
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 52,017
    Ok, I'll conduct my personal survey.
  • dizzee
    dizzee Posts: 5,616
    Your Dutch ovens must be incredible. Would love to get in on one sometime.
  • nth_london_addick
    nth_london_addick Posts: 35,919
    I am on counting duty tomorrow had a good pre match meal with black and white pudding beans bacon and egg should be effective to win in both quantity and quality classes

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