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What has been your best sick note excuse.
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I remember years back a bloke calling in sick to work on a Friday, when suddenly there was a massive tannoy announcement about the 9.02 to London Bridge or wherever in the background.
Tried to say he lived near the station before sheepishly admitting he was going away for the weekend and had forgotten to book holiday.10 -
Technically not a sickday, but pushed hard to try and get myself allowed to miss school to take part in the University fees protest in 2010. No one believed I had any interest in going. After a week of talking about it with the teachers was told that I could attend.Didn’t go to to the protest and went to Luton instead to watch us win the FA Cup 2nd round.16
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I'm not proud of it, but in my very naughty days I got a text on a Friday about 12 to say that the, erm, goods had arrived. I got him to phone in to our admin line to say he was my neighbour and somebody had broken in to my flat. My manager told me I'd better go and sort it out.
I did.
Several Mondays off with "flu" later I was invited to resign in exchange for two months salary.
I did.3 -
More recently I had a senior manager who insisted that we "call them back and make them do the sicky voice" if someone did anything other than called in and spoke to us in person.3
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Back when I used to work at IPC on Southwark Street we had a BIG drinking culture. Pub at lunch, pub in the afternoon, pub after work. You get the idea. Went out one night with colleagues and everyone got leathered. Next day one of the more senior lads is a no show. We all just assume he's slept in and the bosses weren't even that bothered tbf. Eventually we get a phone call to say he's been in hospital. The reason? Him and his girlfriend went to a chippie called Fishcoteque under the arches by Waterloo on the way home. He ordered a battered sausage but choked on it and ended up in A&E where they spent several hours trying to clear his airway (allegedly). He was adamant it was the truth on return to work! At the time our department were between PA's, so one of the girls i worked with filled out the sickness report for HR. Reason for absence "attack of the sausage", we were pissing ourselves! No one from HR ever queried it either!!! Happy days...21
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I'd had a night with a young lady, & in the morning wished that it would continue.
Facing a day calling bingo, I decided that I'd rather spend the day with a young lady, rather than tons of old grizzly ones, so I called my work, told them that a mate had slipped on a chilli in a kebab shop & hit his head, & that I had spent the entire night in A&E with him, & that I wouldn't be fit to work because I'd had no sleep.
I ended up using it many a time for myself, & my brother. Always got a lot of sympathy, especially if it was one of the women bosses at the bingo club who took the call.4 -
A friend of mine works for a well know super market as a delivery driver. He got hammered the other night with another mate of mine and decided to call in sick quite late on in proceedings. Wasnt a problem until he had a 'return to work interview' with his line manager and couldn't remember the reason for his absence! Was an awkward game of cat and mouse, but he blagged it and is stiil employed 😀6
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Not mine...
During brief 3 years that I was actually responsible for some fortunate workers, I took a phone sicky: "I had a terrible dream, can't face reality" (he was a Gothic metal soloist) I said: 'no worries stay in bed try to dream another one'.7 -
I sometimes, yes really, used to claim I'd been abducted by aliens. Remarkably, no one ever queried it. I guess they thought I was being ironic.
Going back years, prior to self-certification, doctors used to have to provide sick notes even if you were only off for a few days. A colleague was always off sick. He was barely in the office more than a couple of days a week. The thing was, it was always a different illness on the certificate. The last time it happened, for a frequent Guinness drinker, constipation seemed a little implausible.
Some investigations were carried out and interviews took place. Eventually he admitted he hadn't been ill for months. But the last time he went his doctor had left the room for a couple of minutes and he had stolen a couple of pads of sick notes. He'd been filling his own in and had eventually run out of ideas for being ill. He got sacked.5 -
don't take days off sick2
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Still convinced nobody will ever have a better sick note than the bloke I posted about fourteen years ago (FOURTEEN FUCKING YEARS 😳) - who was mauled by a leopard...14
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Many years ago after a work Xmas party I ended up going back to my bosses house. Both steaming drunk. She had sensibly booked the day off and I hadn't. Eventually rolled into work late as I had to buy a new shirt and tie to try and "cover my tracks". I lasted about 2 hours before the guy covering the team for the day told me to take the rest of the day off but told me not to worry about telling the boss as he didn't want to get me in trouble.14
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No, you're right. But a mate, now sadly dead, did have time off because a badger bit him on the arse.Leroy Ambrose said:Still convinced nobody will ever have a better sick note than the bloke I posted about fourteen years ago (FOURTEEN FUCKING YEARS 😳) - who was mauled by a leopard...10 -
A mate of mine sadly no longer with us tried to pull a sickie from school because he had discovered his brothers grot magazine stash and wanted some "Matthew time"
Went downstairs with sad eyes and told his mum, a lovely woman who is also sadly no longer with us and said he had a tummy ache and did he have to go to school. His mum took sympathy on him and told him to go back to bed.
Matt does exactly this, grabs smut mag pulls duvet over his head and begins violently thrashing one out assuming his mum would be out the door on her way to work having heard the door close.
He is then interupted mid-thrap by his mum loudly saying "MATTHEW, IF YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO DO YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO GO TO SCHOOL"
Bless her, she had gone to leave for work, opened the door, felt bad for poor tummy ache Matt, closed the door and had brought him up a mug of hot ribena28 -
Days off sick are for wimps especially when you work for foreign institutions. I smashed my tib and fib once over a weekend and ended up in hospital. The bank I was working for at the time was informed on the Monday morning and couriered some documents for a big loan to the hospital that they needed me to check.2
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I worked at a place where if you were off (sick!.?) it was pretty necessary to phone in in the morning to let everybody know, and for arrangements to be made.
One fellow worker sometimes wouldn’t come in with narry a word or call.
His argument was he didn’t have a phone (those were predominantly landline days) installed and he was too ill to struggle to a phone box.
He was absent quite a lot.1 -
'Slip on a chilli, bang your head and spend a night in A&E - fifty-three'Stefco said:I'd had a night with a young lady, & in the morning wished that it would continue.
Facing a day calling bingo, I decided that I'd rather spend the day with a young lady, rather than tons of old grizzly ones, so I called my work, told them that a mate had slipped on a chilli in a kebab shop & hit his head, & that I had spent the entire night in A&E with him, & that I wouldn't be fit to work because I'd had no sleep.
I ended up using it many a time for myself, & my brother. Always got a lot of sympathy, especially if it was one of the women bosses at the bingo club who took the call.16 -
My brother once called his boss and told him that he wouldn't be in as he had a problem with his back.
The boss asked what the problem with his back was - to which my brother replied...."I can't get it off of the fu**ing matress"7 -
I think he meant a cougar after a night in the millers.Leroy Ambrose said:Still convinced nobody will ever have a better sick note than the bloke I posted about fourteen years ago (FOURTEEN FUCKING YEARS 😳) - who was mauled by a leopard...1 -
Carter said:A mate of mine sadly no longer with us tried to pull a sickie from school because he had discovered his brothers grot magazine stash and wanted some "Matthew time"
Went downstairs with sad eyes and told his mum, a lovely woman who is also sadly no longer with us and said he had a tummy ache and did he have to go to school. His mum took sympathy on him and told him to go back to bed.
Matt does exactly this, grabs smut mag pulls duvet over his head and begins violently thrashing one out assuming his mum would be out the door on her way to work having heard the door close.
He is then interupted mid-thrap by his mum loudly saying "MATTHEW, IF YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO DO YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO GO TO SCHOOL"
Bless her, she had gone to leave for work, opened the door, felt bad for poor tummy ache Matt, closed the door and had brought him up a mug of hot ribena* thrap
Definitions
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I used to work with a lovely lady who had a difficult home life & used to take a day's sick leave every couple of weeks.
She must have been running out of excuses on the day she called in to say there was a snake in her kitchen !
Said she was frightened to death and couldn't stop shaking.
This was in Dartford.....in January.13 -
Really made me laugh thisRedhenry said:don't take days off sick2 -
I hope it didn’t hinder your promotion prospects.Stefco said:I'd had a night with a young lady, & in the morning wished that it would continue.
Facing a day calling bingo, I decided that I'd rather spend the day with a young lady, rather than tons of old grizzly ones, so I called my work, told them that a mate had slipped on a chilli in a kebab shop & hit his head, & that I had spent the entire night in A&E with him, & that I wouldn't be fit to work because I'd had no sleep.
I ended up using it many a time for myself, & my brother. Always got a lot of sympathy, especially if it was one of the women bosses at the bingo club who took the call.0 -
A workmate once rang in to say he wouldn’t be in as his girlfriend was having a baby.
Came in the next day to be asked is it a boy or girl.
He said he’d know in 9 months.
He was put on a final warning.30 -
Indeed, had a role many years ago in financial markets where all the important stuff had to be done first thing in the morning. You did not miss it.letthegoodtimesroll said:Days off sick are for wimps especially when you work for foreign institutions. I smashed my tib and fib once over a weekend and ended up in hospital. The bank I was working for at the time was informed on the Monday morning and couriered some documents for a big loan to the hospital that they needed me to check.
played football on a Sunday, going for a header I landed awkwardly. Got worse as Sunday went on and become apparent Sunday evening I’d fractured my wrist. Without the IT of nowadays, too late to arrange cover for next morning so loaded up with painkillers, got to work at 7am Monday as expected, did the 90 mins work needed then told my boss I’m off to Guys. He said why, then nearly fell off his chair when I rolled my sleeve up to show him my heavily swollen wrist. Like hell I’d do that nowadays!3 -
I used to suffer with swollen wrists a lot. Funnily enough, they stopped when I met my wife.AFKABartram said:
Indeed, had a role many years ago in financial markets where all the important stuff had to be done first thing in the morning. You did not miss it.letthegoodtimesroll said:Days off sick are for wimps especially when you work for foreign institutions. I smashed my tib and fib once over a weekend and ended up in hospital. The bank I was working for at the time was informed on the Monday morning and couriered some documents for a big loan to the hospital that they needed me to check.
played football on a Sunday, going for a header I landed awkwardly. Got worse as Sunday went on and become apparent Sunday evening I’d fractured my wrist. Without the IT of nowadays, too late to arrange cover for next morning so loaded up with painkillers, got to work at 7am Monday as expected, did the 90 mins work needed then told my boss I’m off to Guys. He said why, then nearly fell off his chair when I rolled my sleeve up to show him my heavily swollen wrist. Like hell I’d do that nowadays!22 -
Pulled a sickie back in the Prem days, for the game where Talal scored a last min free kick (Blackburn?). Karma got me though and a week later got quite ill and ended up with Tonsillitis.2
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You sure it wasnt an innuendo from her?Fanny Fanackapan said:I used to work with a lovely lady who had a difficult home life & used to take a day's sick leave every couple of weeks.
She must have been running out of excuses on the day she called in to say there was a snake in her kitchen !
Said she was frightened to death and couldn't stop shaking.
This was in Dartford.....in January.2 -
She should have said it was a rat then followed up with "what am I gonna do?"ForeverAddickted said:
You sure it wasnt an innuendo from her?Fanny Fanackapan said:I used to work with a lovely lady who had a difficult home life & used to take a day's sick leave every couple of weeks.
She must have been running out of excuses on the day she called in to say there was a snake in her kitchen !
Said she was frightened to death and couldn't stop shaking.
This was in Dartford.....in January.4 -
@DaveMehmet probably has a whole list of excuses that I came up with when we worked at Channel 4. It wasn’t the job I hated, it was him.5
