Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

AddicksAddict · May 14

MrWalker said:

AddicksAddict said:

Swindon_Addick said:

AddicksAddict said:

Not so much a joke, more it raises the question of how did we lose a war to this lot?

Has to be satire, surely? Someone sending up the tendency of people who describe themselves as Christians following Trump despite him contradicting everything the Bible tells people to do? It's a reference to the Bible text about people resorting to worshipping a statue while they were wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt. (This didn't end well for them, but it's assumed that most of these "evangelicals" haven't read enough of the Bible to know that.)

I’m not sure Americans do satire. Alanis Morissette (US citizen since 2005) can’t even do irony.

I don’t know. She did a couple of my shirts very well when I stayed over

I know the meaning of irony - nickel is more irony than copper.

AddicksAddict · May 14

cafcfan said:

You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.

@cafcfan, could you explain, please?

AddicksAddict · May 14

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/zr/rmwu59kczfv4.jpg

iaitch · May 14

AddicksAddict said:

cafcfan said:

You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.

@cafcfan, could you explain, please?

Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.

Fumbluff · May 14

iaitch said:

AddicksAddict said:

cafcfan said:

You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.

@cafcfan, could you explain, please?

Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.

How many hoovers do that though?

Fumbluff · May 14

Honestly it’s like people just post a load of old nonsense on here theses days

AddicksAddict · May 14

iaitch said:

AddicksAddict said:

cafcfan said:

You can now get a knock-off Henry vacuum cleaner imported from Turkey.

@cafcfan, could you explain, please?

Lot of people go to Turkey for dental prodecures, the famous 'Turkey teeth'.

Thanks.

AddicksAddict · May 14

Fumbluff said:

Honestly it’s like people just post a load of old nonsense on here theses days

It’s the way you tell ‘em.

_MrDick · May 20

Breaking news:

The manager of the Bexleyheath cinema complex has tragically passed away.

His funeral is next Tuesday at 2.00pm, 4.15pm, 6.45pm and 8.30pm.

jose · May 21

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are strolling through London when a cat leaps on Watson out of nowhere and pisses on him.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Watson exclaims. "My coat is ruined!"

"You'll have to take it up with the owner," Sherlock replies calmly.

"But I haven’t the slightest idea who the owner is!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson. You are both pissed on and pissed off at the same time, so it must be Schrödinger's cat."

_MrDick · May 22

Famous people of Bexley- comedian Linda Smith.

Linda Smith (1958–2006), stand-up comic and radio comedienne, was born and raised in Erith and attended Bexleyheath School and Erith College. Technically she actually lived in Belvedere as was brought up in Riverdale Road.

Smith famously joked that Erith "is not twinned with any town but does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" and ‘Erith is in Kent - the "Garden of England" I can only assume Erith is the outside toilet because it is a shit house.’.

_MrDick · May 22

_MrDick · May 23

Due to a misheard Carpenters' lyric, when I was a kid, I thought the first alien life form to contact earth, was called Colin Octopus…

AddicksAddict · May 27

R0TW · May 27

I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

AddicksAddict · May 29

R0TW said:

I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

Too early a start, too little food.

thai malaysia addick · May 29

"Are you alright in there, Watson?"
"Yes"
"I can hear a lot of straining sounds. Are you sure you are alright?"
"Yes"
"I think you're constipated, Watson"
"No shit, Sherlock"

Foxycafc · May 29

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/a8/3ydhmnpvwxw3.png

Foxycafc · May 29

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/1x/v64sbowgb1kk.png

_MrDick · May 29

iaitch · May 29

Foxycafc said:

Then she moans on social media that people were looking at her.

LargeAddick · May 30

I asked Rick Astley if I could have some of his Pixar DVD's. He said 'I will give you Cars and Toy Story but I'm never going to give you Up.'

jose · May 30

Yesterday I was in hospital having a mole removed from my penis.
I’m not shagging one of those again.

Taxi_Lad · June 4

I told this blonde lady that I feeling cold and she told me to go stand in the corner.

I said “is it warmer?”
she said “yes….. it’s 90 degrees “

Taxi_Lad · June 4

You’d think a snail would be faster without it’s shell but in fact it’s a little sluggish

SoundAsa£ · June 5

Fella turns up at a night club only to find you have to be wearing a tie.
Bouncer flatly refuse’s to allow him in.
Pissed off, he goes back to his car to rummage through its content to see what he could come up with…..he finds a pair of jump leads.
He manages to fashion what could pass as a tie.
Turning up at the door again, he shows the bouncer his ‘tie’.
“Ok, on this occasion I’ll let you in…..just don’t start anything.”

Stuart_the_Red · June 5

.

MrOneLung · June 5

Taxi_Lad said:

You’d think a snail would be faster without it’s shell but in fact it’s a little sluggish

What did the slug say to the snail?

’Big issue’

Stig · June 5

R0TW said:

I see you was on just as good form at Wembley.

By the looks on their faces, I'd say that the two on the outside were playing footsie under the table and he's suddenly taken it a step too far.

jose · June 5

I once had to dump a girlfriend who kept taking the piss out of me for being colourblind. It was a massive grey flag for me !

Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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