Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

MrWalker · June 28

My wife is very excited by her new sit on lawnmower.

He’s called Steve, apparently

eaststandmike · July 1

The guy who died after being hit by a tennis ball was buried today.

His wife said it was a lovely service!

Arthur_Trudgill · July 1

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

gringo · July 1

Arthur_Trudgill said:

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

???

R0TW · July 1

Each to their own I guess

Arthur_Trudgill · July 1

gringo said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

???

Microscope ~ Microsoft?

thai malaysia addick · July 1

Arthur_Trudgill said:

gringo said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

???

Microscope ~ Microsoft?

I think you're looking at this joke in too much detail

Arthur_Trudgill · July 1

thai malaysia addick said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

gringo said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

???

Microscope ~ Microsoft?

I think you're looking at this joke in too much detail

Maybe it's funnier when seen through a different lens.

Chizz · July 1

Arthur_Trudgill said:

thai malaysia addick said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

gringo said:

Arthur_Trudgill said:

I work in IT. I got an External call on Teams this afternoon. I answered it and a child at the other end said "Hello, we are calling from Microscope", fell about laughing, and hang up.

It really made chuckle.

???

Microscope ~ Microsoft?

I think you're looking at this joke in too much detail

Maybe it's funnier when seen through a different lens.

It needs a bit more focus

IdleHans · July 1

I'm going to be objective and let that one slide

Swindon_Addick · July 1

I'm getting really worried about my mate. He's been collecting banners of various far-left political factions and it's got out of hand. Honestly, I'm seeing so many red flags here...

jose · July 2

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger his favourite bank holiday.

“Has to be Easter, baby”.

Raith_C_Chattonell · July 2

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/ik/s4tdlbi69xl9.png

MrWalker · July 7

An elderly man living alone in Leeds wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in Wakefield Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

MrWalker · July 7

I know there’s something wrong with my foreplay technique.
i just can’t put my finger on it.

gringo · July 7

MrWalker said:

An elderly man living alone in Leeds wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in Wakefield Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Porridge 1978.

Taxi_Lad · July 7

MrWalker · July 7

gringo said:

MrWalker said:

An elderly man living alone in Leeds wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in Wakefield Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Porridge 1978.

AddicksAddict · July 8

Eighty year old goes to the doctor, thinking he's got arthritis.

The doc tells him it's not arthritis, it's premature rigor mortis.

jose · July 8

There's a new Mr Men character, known for his patchy paintwork; he's called Mr Bit.

jose · July 8

I may be light-fingered, but I wouldn't steal a ruler; that's where I draw the line.

_MrDick · July 8

MrWalker · July 9

I bought my wife a Pug as a present.

Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

_MrDick · July 10

I asked my doctor if masturbation was bad for my eyesight .. he said ‘You’re in Halfords, mate’

jose · July 10

A man with delusions of grandeur walks into a pub an orders everyone around.

MrWalker · July 10

My wife texted me this morning and said, "Your great".

I replied, "No, you're great"

She's been in a great mood ever since.

I should correct her grammar more often.

Chizz · July 11

I went to the doctors this week. He said I've got Attention Deficit something or other.

_MrDick · July 11

Been up in loft today, spraying the mice with WD 40. It doesn't kill them, it just stops them squeaking all the time !

Stig · July 11

AddicksAddict · July 14

What is a pirate’s favourite letter?

A writ of safe passage from His Majesty, King Charles II.

Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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