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Your most unhinged "if I came to power" rule

cantersaddick
cantersaddick Posts: 16,907
edited August 21 in Fun, Jokes & Captions
Not looking for actual sensible suggestions. The most out there things you would ban or make law if you had complete power.

Mind would be - immediate deportation to a remote island (not pleasant) for anyone wearing a cravat. 

Go.
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Comments

  • ValleyGary
    ValleyGary Posts: 37,970
    People that don’t say please or thank you get their mouths sown up for a week. You can’t be polite, you don’t get to speak.
  • cantersaddick
    cantersaddick Posts: 16,907
    Every tuesday there would be a public gathering in all local parks around the country where people who litter are lined up and we can all throw tomatoes at them. We all get to then chill out have some nice food and beer while they clean all the tomato from the park.

    Need a name for this festival though.
  • ShootersHillGuru
    ShootersHillGuru Posts: 50,612
    edited August 21
    People who drop their chewing gum on the floor should be made to spend a week cleaning it off.

    Edit : with their teeth.
  • cantersaddick
    cantersaddick Posts: 16,907
    ShootersHillGuru said:
    People who drop their chewing gum on the floor should be made to spend a week cleaning it off.
    Not unhinged enough. Punishment needs to me more out there. Try again
  • RopeYardRailsBruv
    RopeYardRailsBruv Posts: 21
    A complete ban on any colour combination that places red and blue together in verrtical stripes
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,216
    sam3110 said:
    Cyclists who still cycle down the middle of the road, ignoring their dedicated cycle lane, are made to ride naked tandem for a week, behind overweight men with explosive IBS and a penchant for spicy curries
    Harsh but fair.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 615
    edited August 21
    People who get on a bus with seats available yet stand in the exit doorway blocking it should be made to get off the bus and push it along every uphill part of the road.
  • arthur
    arthur Posts: 233
    People who consiously drop litter get fired into space. They are absolutlely no use to the human race. 
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  • SporadicAddick
    SporadicAddick Posts: 6,839
    I would ban people that annoy me from being in public spaces. There would be a number of criteria:-

    Eating with your mouth open.

    Not moving to the left on motorways.

    Not saying please and thankyou.

    Parking in parent and child spaces when you then just sit in the car with the kid whilst one parent gets out.

    anyone ever wearing a facemask for the purpose of hiding identity.

    Anyone with a fake accent.

    etc etc.

  • cfgs
    cfgs Posts: 11,474
    arthur said:
    People who consiously drop litter get fired into space. They are absolutlely no use to the human race. 
    I want tazers used on people who drop litter. And return of stocks for antisocial behavior and shoplifting.
  • letthegoodtimesroll
    letthegoodtimesroll Posts: 10,611
    Reading the Fat Jab thread I’d make it law that wine can only be served in small wine glasses. Anyone that quaffs a drink that has a high alcohol content like it is lemonade, which is what they are doing if they use any glass bigger than a standard small one, needs all the help they can get. 


  • Henry Irving
    Henry Irving Posts: 85,202
    Anyone pronouncing "H" as "Haitch" rather than "Aitch" to be forced to eat gobstoppers non-stop.
  • cfgs
    cfgs Posts: 11,474
    Huskaris said:
    Anyone who plays mobile phones out loud on public transport to have the phone inserted up their arse.
    Then forced up their left nostril.
  • cfgs
    cfgs Posts: 11,474
    Pavements to be widened and made like motorways. The left being for dawdlering and stopping. 

    Banning umbrellas for anyone under six foot. Fed up with nearly having an eye gouged out every time it piddles it down.
  • bobmunro
    bobmunro Posts: 20,840
    Henry Irving said:
    Anyone pronouncing "H" as "Haitch" rather than "Aitch" to be forced to eat gobstoppers non-stop.

    I'd agree with that, Enry.
  • Henry Irving
    Henry Irving Posts: 85,202
    bobmunro said:
    Henry Irving said:
    Anyone pronouncing "H" as "Haitch" rather than "Aitch" to be forced to eat gobstoppers non-stop.

    I'd agree with that, Enry.
    Well, you did work in Haitch R
  • Kinsella87
    Kinsella87 Posts: 464
    Anyone who arrives at a till, bar, service area, ticket barrier, getting on a bus etc and does not have there money/card ready to use.

    Also getting to a bar and taking ages to chose what drink you want...

    All should be kicked in the shin.
  • fenaddick
    fenaddick Posts: 10,966
    Kinsella87 said:
    Anyone who arrives at a till, bar, service area, ticket barrier, getting on a bus etc and does not have there money/card ready to use.

    Also getting to a bar and taking ages to chose what drink you want...

    All should be kicked in the shin.
    Addition to this, any establishment that makes it hard to see what drinks are available (like chain coffee shops with TV screens with rotating slides) have to make all products free on a Friday afternoon 
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  • Redskin
    Redskin Posts: 3,111
    Those found guilty of the 'snatching' of mobile phones whilst riding motorised bicycles on the pavement will be taken to a public place where they will be secured in stocks after having their trousers and pants pulled down around their ankles.
    The public will then be given permission to pelt them with an array of rotten foodstuffs provided by that week's supermarket sponsors.
    The criminals will remain in the stocks for the time it takes to have the word, 'THIEF' tattooed on their forehead after which they will be given a police escort to the nearest bus stop.
    Download the free app 'Stocks for Cocks' and enter your postcode to find upcoming 'Pelters' events in your area.


  • Kinsella87
    Kinsella87 Posts: 464
    fenaddick said:
    Kinsella87 said:
    Anyone who arrives at a till, bar, service area, ticket barrier, getting on a bus etc and does not have there money/card ready to use.

    Also getting to a bar and taking ages to chose what drink you want...

    All should be kicked in the shin.
    Addition to this, any establishment that makes it hard to see what drinks are available (like chain coffee shops with TV screens with rotating slides) have to make all products free on a Friday afternoon 
    Very true, TVs never had to be introduced to just show what’s on the menu. 
  • Six-a-bag-of-nuts
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts Posts: 8,127
    cantersaddick said:
    Every tuesday there would be a public gathering in all local parks around the country where people who litter are lined up and we can all throw tomatoes at them. We all get to then chill out have some nice food and beer while they clean all the tomato from the park.

    Need a name for this festival though.
    I was going to suggest Scumfest, but didn't want to sow confusion with Millwall's annual Open Day
  • Clem_Snide
    Clem_Snide Posts: 11,735
    Anyone who uses the word So as punctuation to be executed on the spot. No trial required. Victim of the hate crime can choose the method of killing.
  • AndyG
    AndyG Posts: 5,905
    Drivers that sit in the middle lane of motorways !!! they should be suspended naked from motorway bridges for all to see
  • swordfish
    swordfish Posts: 4,233
    Mobile phone life bans for those who use them to film accidents happening for likes rather than offering practical assistance. 

  • lolwray
    lolwray Posts: 4,897
    Anyone who starts a rival thread to the things that annoy you thread.😄
  • blackpool72
    blackpool72 Posts: 23,664
    Anyone who refers to Millwall as Wall to get a custodial sentence. 
    If you have to use an abbreviation just say scum 
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,721
    So basically this is the same as “ The Things I dislike “ thread ? 
  • The Red Robin
    The Red Robin Posts: 26,126
    An IQ test before you’re allowed to vote in any election. 

    No pension until you retake your driving test. Doesn’t matter if you fail, it means you shouldn’t be on the road.

    Basic minimum wage for everyone, working or not.

    Free School Meals for all U18s.

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