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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
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Not a joke as such but it made me chortle. .It was funny living in Italy, whenever I went to a bar where they didn't know me and ordered a coffee, they'd ask "Americano?" I'd reply "No, I'm Danish" That was enough to confuse the baristi.2
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A horse walks into a pub and the bartender, considering all the pubs the horse frequents, asks it if it's an alcoholic. The horse replies "I don't think I am". POOF! The horse disappears.
It's at this point that philosophy students start to giggle, being, as they are, familiar with the philosophical proposition cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefor I am.
To make the story accessible to everyone by explaining this concept before the punchline, would, of course, be putting Descartes before the horse.5 -
https://youtu.be/LukyMYp2nooAddicksAddict said:A horse walks into a pub and the bartender, considering all the pubs the horse frequents, asks it if it's an alcoholic. The horse replies "I don't think I am". POOF! The horse disappears.
It's at this point that philosophy students start to giggle, being, as they are, familiar with the philosophical proposition cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefor I am.
To make the story accessible to everyone by explaining this concept before the punchline, would, of course, be putting Descartes before the horse.
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Trump‘s nothing like Hitler.There’s no way he could write a book.9
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amended on your behalf.AddicksAddict said:Trump‘s nothing like Hitler.There’s no way he could write read a book.6 -
I’m utterly useless at dwarf impressions but hey ho !18
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I had a Morrisons delivery this afternoon, the driver said, " I've got a couple of substitutions for you, here's your rosemary and haddock".
I said, "this is neither the thyme or the plaice".
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Crystal Palace have called for an immediate replay against Macclesfield Town in the FA Cup because one of the plumbers in midfieldIsn't Gas safe registered.10
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Elvis Presley's coffin was made of oak and took three weeks to construct.John Lennon's coffin? Ten days, from pine?Gene Pitney's 24 hours, from balsa....8
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My car wouldn't start this morning.I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine block.He said: "Good day to you Sir, and might I remark how splendidly handsome you look today?"I knew the problem straight away:bat flattery…..11
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Warning on Facebook for the US not to invade Greenland: “Also, you go after Greenland and end up on Denmarks bad side, no more Lego.Just sayin'...”.2
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Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife.
The judge says why do you keep beating her.
Paddy replies
I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork.9 -
What is bordering on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.9 -
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I took this photo at the Hunstanton Sea Life Sanctuary nearly 10 years ago.There he was, happily swimming around, forgetting everything that had happened to him more than 8 seconds ago. And fast forward to today and he's still forgetting everything that happened to him more than 8 seconds ago but now he's in his second term as POTUS.
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Celine Dion has come out in support of the Countryside Alliance and farmers by removing all consonants from her name.10
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"Punish me", he begged.
Next thing he heard was her on the 'phone. "Hi Mum, Yes, you can come and stay for as long as you want".3 -
Two Junkies inadvertently snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. One’s in a korma and the other has a dodgy Tikka11
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“I just saw a boat full of scouts go speeding past”
“How many knots were they doing?”
“All of them”.6 -
Well I guess sexually active older women probably need a little help2 -
I thought it was a leopard, not a cougar, and it was a pun on Def Leppard.Taxi_Lad said:Well I guess sexually active older women probably need a little help1 -
Didn’t even see that!thai malaysia addick said:
I thought it was a leopard, not a cougar, and it was a pun on Def Leppard.Taxi_Lad said:Well I guess sexually active older women probably need a little help0 -
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A man is in a car accident and when he wakes up in the hospital, his wife is by his side while the doctor gives him bad news:
I'm afraid I have some bad news" says the doctor, "you're fine except for one thing, your penis was badly injured and we had to amputate it.. however, the good news is your insurance has paid out £6,000 for this injury and we have the technology to give you a fully functional prosthetic penis, now, we can operate immediately once we know which one you would like to go for.
The standard 4 inch is £6,000 but you could elect to go for the premium 6 inch model for an extra £2,000 or the supreme 8 inch for a total of £9,000...of course we appreciate that this is a sensitive decision that you should both talk over together, so I'll leave you both alone to decide"...
The doctor leaves the room and when he comes back he asks "have you come to a decision" ... "we have" says the wife... "and what have you decided"? the doctor asks....
The guy replies .."we're getting a new kitchen"
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I didn't realise it was a spectator sport.
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A man goes into a pub. Before anyone can say a word, he climbs up on the bar, gets his cock out and starts peeing all over the place. He then turns bright red and climbs down. The landlord grabs him by the collar and throws him towards to door shouting, "get out my pub, and don't come back until you've learnt to control yourself"!
Some weeks later, the man walks into the pub again. Instantly, the landlord recognises him. "Here, I know you" he says. "You're that bloke that climbed up on my bar and pissed everywhere".
"That's right", replies the man.
"I told you, that I didn't want you back in here until you can control yourself", the landlord says.
"I can. I can control myself", says the man.
"We'll in that case, you'd best come in", says the landlord reluctantly. And with that the man walks up to the bar, climbs up on it, gets his cock out and pisses all over the place.
"What the fuck?" Shouts the landlord, "I thought you said you could control yourself".
"I can" replies the man. "I don't get embarrassed anymore"!
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