A bloke gets woken at 3am by someone banging on the front door. He goes down to see who it is and there's another bloke standing in the rain.
"Can you give me a push" says the fella.
"You must be joking" says our man, "It's pissing down with rain and I'm half asleep". He closes the door and goes back to bed.
Back in the bedroom his wife asks who it was. He explains that it was someone wanting a push.
She replies, "Oh come on, remember the time we broke down and needed a push to get going? We'd have been stuck all night if that guy didn't help us out".
Feeling guilty the chap gets dressed and goes back downstairs to help, but can't see the bloke when he opens the door.
"Are you still there" he shouts into the darkness,
Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Clacton yesterday.
A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them. The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the policeman and started hitting him and the woman with it.
Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'Thats the way to do it'!..........
Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Clacton yesterday.
A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them. The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the policeman and started hitting him and the woman with it.
Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'Thats the way to do it'!..........
An inmate escaped from the local asylum and assaulted two women in a launderette. Police are still looking for him. The local newspaper reports: Nut Screws Washers And Bolts.
I cannot understand the casual attitude that some people have towards the serious challenges and worry we all face as a nation right now. I’ve been talking with colleagues at work, friends and family too, about how important the next few weeks will be for our country. It's so important that they understand how serious this all is and how the wrong result could affect us all for a very long time.
Unbelievably, it turns out that some of them don't even like football.
Comments
A time traveller walks into a pub.
It was serialised in two local newspapers.
What were the titles of those newspapers?
It was The Bicester Times and The Worcester Times.
"Ring sting", she replies.
"How the hell will he know?" I ask.
"Can you give me a push" says the fella.
"You must be joking" says our man, "It's pissing down with rain and I'm half asleep". He closes the door and goes back to bed.
Back in the bedroom his wife asks who it was. He explains that it was someone wanting a push.
She replies, "Oh come on, remember the time we broke down and needed a push to get going? We'd have been stuck all night if that guy didn't help us out".
Feeling guilty the chap gets dressed and goes back downstairs to help, but can't see the bloke when he opens the door.
"Are you still there" he shouts into the darkness,
"Yes",
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please",
"Well where are you, I can't see you?",
"Over here .... on the swing"
I always wanted to be a tree surgeon but i couldn't stand the sight of sap.
You just twigged that?!
Husband: How do I set the washing machine?
Wife: What are you washing?
Husband: A t-shirt
Wife: What does it say on the t-shirt?
Husband: Depeche Mode
I’ve been talking with colleagues at work, friends and family too, about how important the next few weeks will be for our country.
It's so important that they understand how serious this all is and how the wrong result could affect us all for a very long time.
Unbelievably, it turns out that some of them don't even like football.