I worked with a man who said he didn't have a phone, and when sick, was too ill to make it to the phonebox. Every day you'd never be sure if he'd turn up at all.
My mum used to work as a school registrar and had to deal with the sick notes that the parents sent in for their kids. The best were invariably those sent in the parents whose mother-tongue was not English. My favourite was sent in by an Italian mother who wrote: Please excuse Roberto from school today as he is not feeling himself very well today.
The best one I heard (it may of been on a similar thread on the old netaddicks site) was a gay chap called in to explain that he would not be in today because he had collapsed rectal muscles! Surely he could have told his manager he had a cold/flu/shits etc.
My apologies if you are eating a sausage sandwich.
That was me. I didn't have the collapsed muscles but had to check the doctors cert before passing to hr.
The best one I heard (it may of been on a similar thread on the old netaddicks site) was a gay chap called in to explain that he would not be in today because he had collapsed rectal muscles! Surely he could have told his manager he had a cold/flu/shits etc.
My apologies if you are eating a sausage sandwich.
That was me. I didn't have the collapsed muscles but had to check the doctors cert before passing to hr.
Now why am I not surprised?
Lol. I pissed myself when I read it and couldn't help telling some of the others in the office. How we kept a straight face when he returned to work I'll never know.
Whilst I find some oif this hard to take, as an employer one sticks in my memory. A staff member called in sick because his wife had run off withe the woman next door.
I worked with a guy who painted his front door, the paint stuck to the frame and he was unable to to open it on Monday morning. Years later he was still "stuck" to this excuss. Another colleague rang and said, "I've had a skin full I can't make it today" . I thought it nice he told the truth, others didn't see the same. He got a redundancy package a short while later.
Hang over the side of your bed upside down with loads of loo roll rolled into a sort of straw shape and shoved up your nose... Call in tell them you have struck down with flu... 2 days min... Maybe go three just to add to the power of the illness...
Get off bed, take things out nose, open a Stella, put on the Charlton Champions DVD...
Another one I used to use... 'I can't come in I'm afraid' 'oh ok, what's up?' 'it's personal'
And leave it there... And every time questioned say the same .... If really pushed maybe lean towards health issues... 'look the doctor... Actually I'm not going into it...'
Takes a bit of acting ... But all bullshit does ...
Hang over the side of your bed upside down with loads of loo roll rolled into a sort of straw shape and shoved up your nose... Call in tell them you have struck down with flu... 2 days min... Maybe go three just to add to the power of the illness...
Get off bed, take things out nose, open a Stella, put on the Charlton Champions DVD...
I think you forgot to add, crack one off, just before opening the Stella
Hang over the side of your bed upside down with loads of loo roll rolled into a sort of straw shape and shoved up your nose... Call in tell them you have struck down with flu... 2 days min... Maybe go three just to add to the power of the illness...
Get off bed, take things out nose, open a Stella, put on the Charlton Champions DVD...
I think you forgot to add, crack one off, just before opening the Stella
What, you mean you don't time your 'finale' for Carlisle away? Sometimes I'm done by JJ's winner at Hillsborough!
One of my friends works for a company in Bangkok where they send a message to all staff to report every sickness. The emails are incredibly blunt. For example:
Xxxxxx will not be in office until afternoon. He has bad bowels and has to use toilet a lot.
"I'm terribly upset at my part in the recession, and have lain awake all night racked with guilt about my inappropriately high salary and I am unable to leave the house."
I'd long saved up the - I witnessed a cyclist getting knocked over on way to station -Maybe for 3 or 4 years. Finally used it, worked pretty well.
I honestly think, if you work for a big company, you're a fool for not taking sick days.
I know a few people that thought like that. Imagine their surprise when they were invited to resign due to their poor sickness record. Even big companies expect their staff to actually earn the money they are paid.
The most refreshing thing I saw with the sick leave issues was the change in attitude from the management about sports injuries.Before they almost said they were self inflicted,then they were having trouble with blokes in their 40s with all the usual lard arse complaints they encouraged participation in sport as the staff that partook in sport were healthier.This was very handy a couple of months later when I destroyed my knee playing rugby and received nothing but support from the management.
I'd long saved up the - I witnessed a cyclist getting knocked over on way to station -Maybe for 3 or 4 years. Finally used it, worked pretty well.
I honestly think, if you work for a big company, you're a fool for not taking sick days.
I know a few people that thought like that. Imagine their surprise when they were invited to resign due to their poor sickness record. Even big companies expect their staff to actually earn the money they are paid.
Agree. The sickies never get on. They think their clever, but everyone knows. Darren Anderton being the exception.
When I was a teenager I didn't turn up to work for a few days. Didn't call in, nothing. Finally, work rang home, and asked where I was, to which my old man said 'at work'. After the bollocking I received from my dad, i went into work the next day and was sent to the boss. Cut a long story short, I told him I was not getting on with my father, ( this was true, however I'd learnt to 'deal' with my dad for a long time before this) and I was looking for a place to live as I was kicked out of home. The boss gave me a father son chat and then gave me a week off to reconcile my differences with my dad. So off down the pub I went!
The most refreshing thing I saw with the sick leave issues was the change in attitude from the management about sports injuries.Before they almost said they were self inflicted,then they were having trouble with blokes in their 40s with all the usual lard arse complaints they encouraged participation in sport as the staff that partook in sport were healthier.This was very handy a couple of months later when I destroyed my knee playing rugby and received nothing but support from the management.
Too right, 30 years ago I broke my leg playing football. Self inflicted was mention a few times. Not many people do that deliberately, I remember thinking at the time.
Absolutely. Few things annoy me more than seeing that one of our players, having developed some problem with a hamstring or broken shoulder or whatever whilst playing football is unable (or unwilling!) to turn up on a Saturday but skulk around at home or in the gym whilst drawing full (and generous!) pay. Infuriating!
The long term unemployed are masters at coming up with excuses to get out of training courses. I had a forty-something blokes mother ring me saying he wouldn't be in because 'he's picked up that Down Syndrome'. She went on to tell me 'he's had it before, he's a martyr to it, but he'll have shaken it off by next week.'
Comments
Every day you'd never be sure if he'd turn up at all.
Another colleague rang and said, "I've had a skin full I can't make it today" . I thought it nice he told the truth, others didn't see the same. He got a redundancy package a short while later.
Get off bed, take things out nose, open a Stella, put on the Charlton Champions DVD...
And leave it there... And every time questioned say the same .... If really pushed maybe lean towards health issues... 'look the doctor... Actually I'm not going into it...'
Takes a bit of acting ... But all bullshit does ...
Xxxxxx will not be in office until afternoon. He has bad bowels and has to use toilet a lot.
I honestly think, if you work for a big company, you're a fool for not taking sick days.
After the bollocking I received from my dad, i went into work the next day and was sent to the boss.
Cut a long story short, I told him I was not getting on with my father, ( this was true, however I'd learnt to 'deal' with my dad for a long time before this) and I was looking for a place to live as I was kicked out of home.
The boss gave me a father son chat and then gave me a week off to reconcile my differences with my dad. So off down the pub I went!