Or Mum's parents, Step-Dad's parents, Dad's parents and Step-Mum's parents. Or if you REALLY wanted to take the piss, introduce step-grandparents into the equation too...
While still in a coma following cardiac arrest, the company I worked for, for twenty years needed proof and decided to send a visitor to check out the facts, not overly untoward I guess, made for an interesting and frank exchange of views when negotiations over my dismissal several years later took place.
Needed to finish some decorating so took the week off with a dodgy back. No word of a lie I actually strained my back on the way into work on the following Monday morning, boss said if I wasn't up to it I could go home, I told him I would struggle through the day and see how I felt the next morning....took another couple of days off to tart the kitchen up.
A "sick note" colleague phoned in one day and said he had fallen down the stairs at home. The boss sympathised and hoped he would soon recover. His closest friend at work later told me laughing that "his mate" lived in a bungalow.
I used to work in the Employment Service with a lady who had numerous days off sick for a variety of reasons.
As time went by, her line manager had to giver her a written warning about her poor sick record.
So, she began to take days off for "other reasons" which then made inroads into her annual leave allocation, hence she was forced to come up with more inventive reasons for "special leave"......
My favourite was when she rang in one morning to say she had been traumatised by a snake slithering into her kitchen ( it was summer...) & was standing on a chair awaiting the Council Pest Controller's arrival !
Must have been 30 years ago now, one of the technical services staff rolls in half way through the morning and says his bird hasn't been very well. So I empathised and asked what was wrong with her, the fella says 'Oh no I don't live with anyone, it's my pet Parrot'
Well I had to bite my cheek to stop the obvious retort (sick as a parrot) and laughter however the rest of the office were in bits as you can imagine although the lad couldn't see the funny side of it at all and was genuinely quite upset. His punctuality wasn't the best but I didn't have the heart to rip him a new one that day.
i once received a medical certificate from an employee that read " bleeding piles" ..wasnt quite sure if bleeding was a swear word rather than the full description of the illness ,not a nice thing to have but you would have thought a doctor would have written "severe haemorhoid inflammation" or somesuch
A new girl started at our place about 5 months ago but is already stretching it abit with the sick excuses.
Best one was a couple of weeks ago she was due in at 7:30 but no show, didn't phone in either so about 9:30 the manager rang her and asked where she was. Well she was at home and couldn't come in because she couldn't find her work shoes!
I overheard all this so i quickly disappeared, hid my shoes and immediately went and told the manager i couldn't do my job today and would have to go home. When he asked why i said someone had stole my shoes when i wasn't looking. He saw the funny side of it.
Another bloke called in sick years ago because his hamster had died. Unbelievable.
The best ever will be not to own a phone or a computer, and subsequently say you were too sick to make it to a phone box. They are employers not doctors (unless you work in a hospital I suppose).
These are genuine reasons for sickness from a Thai company that used to circulate all staff when anyone was sick. I've been waiting for this thread for years.
Pannee is sick so she will be in the office today I will go to Ministry in Labour please contact Khun Pawana Thanyaraj is going to execute in Phnom Penh from Feb 6 to 15 Kasem going to Fasion Island and Nattawut going to Paragon to take VD In-Store Nookie takes sick leave today K.Chaleampol has stomached, he will be in late. Attchara (Gib) have dose not feel well will come a bit late K. Parichart takes his half day anal leave today Prucksawan going to the Saint Louis Hospital for Roll-on Sniff Khun Thitirat (Thip) will be in late, dew to rain. Pichaya has bubbly butt, will come in around 11 a.m
At a time when I was putting in 12 hour plus days due to workload of a new project, my boss took the Friday and Monday off because his Dad was in intensive care due to a heart attack. Less than a fortnight later the boss was off to Spain on holiday. Often "working from home today".
A bloke that I worked with was a no-show on a Monday morning, and didn't call in until after lunch that day (pre-mobile days).
It turns out that he had gone to visit his Irish mate from University down in Brighton, and the Anti-Terrorist police had stormed the flat in the early hours of Monday morning and arrested all the occupants.
It turns out that his mate had some very unsavoruy links to the IRA, had been under surveillance for a while and my poor mate was caught up in the aftermath.
What made the whole thing even funnier, was that my mate was the poshest bloke you could ever meet, used to go to all the high society weddings etc.
He was absolutely fuming when he returned to the office the next day, but the rest of the lads were in stitches.
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Mum's parents (2)
Dad's parents (2)
Mother-In-Law's Parents (2)
Father-In-Law's Parents (2)
Mentioning Norwich, has given me a good idea for a sick day. I'm going to call in sick one day and say I've had to have my 6th finger amputated.
I've rolled that over from school.
'How sick are you?'
'Well, I'm in bed with my sister'
This won't work in Norfolk, obviously.
As time went by, her line manager had to giver her a written warning about her poor sick record.
So, she began to take days off for "other reasons" which then made inroads into her annual leave allocation, hence she was forced to come up with more inventive reasons for "special leave"......
My favourite was when she rang in one morning to say she had been traumatised by a snake slithering into her kitchen ( it was summer...) & was standing on a chair awaiting the Council Pest Controller's arrival !
This was on an estate in Dartford, BTW....
My old boss, told his boss that his dad had died.
A complete lie so he could get a few days off, fake sympathy and attention from people around him.
A very weird person. Pathological liar.
Well I had to bite my cheek to stop the obvious retort (sick as a parrot) and laughter however the rest of the office were in bits as you can imagine although the lad couldn't see the funny side of it at all and was genuinely quite upset. His punctuality wasn't the best but I didn't have the heart to rip him a new one that day.
True story
Right.
Best one was a couple of weeks ago she was due in at 7:30 but no show, didn't phone in either so about 9:30 the manager rang her and asked where she was. Well she was at home and couldn't come in because she couldn't find her work shoes!
I overheard all this so i quickly disappeared, hid my shoes and immediately went and told the manager i couldn't do my job today and would have to go home. When he asked why i said someone had stole my shoes when i wasn't looking. He saw the funny side of it.
Another bloke called in sick years ago because his hamster had died. Unbelievable.
They are employers not doctors (unless you work in a hospital I suppose).
Pannee is sick so she will be in the office today
I will go to Ministry in Labour please contact Khun Pawana
Thanyaraj is going to execute in Phnom Penh from Feb 6 to 15
Kasem going to Fasion Island and Nattawut going to Paragon to take VD In-Store
Nookie takes sick leave today
K.Chaleampol has stomached, he will be in late.
Attchara (Gib) have dose not feel well will come a bit late
K. Parichart takes his half day anal leave today
Prucksawan going to the Saint Louis Hospital for Roll-on Sniff
Khun Thitirat (Thip) will be in late, dew to rain.
Pichaya has bubbly butt, will come in around 11 a.m
Please execute me I am feeling unwell this afternoon
It turns out that he had gone to visit his Irish mate from University down in Brighton, and the Anti-Terrorist police had stormed the flat in the early hours of Monday morning and arrested all the occupants.
It turns out that his mate had some very unsavoruy links to the IRA, had been under surveillance for a while and my poor mate was caught up in the aftermath.
What made the whole thing even funnier, was that my mate was the poshest bloke you could ever meet, used to go to all the high society weddings etc.
He was absolutely fuming when he returned to the office the next day, but the rest of the lads were in stitches.