Toilet Roll

charltonJ

Unless you're a young child, standing/scrunching is filth

brogib

My ex brother in law, who's a 36 year old farkin TEACHER, only found out in recent years that he's allowed to sit on the toilet seat, he's always thought they were for women only. And not only that, cycling is his favourite sport. Silly idiot

Baldybonce

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

not when you put your finger through it.

AFKABartram

Sit? I didn't even know that was physically possible.

Sounds to me like a dart player throwing ha arrows blindfolded and then taking them out the board without knowing what he'd scored.

Stig

I like to use toilet roll to make myself a belt, but it is a complete waist of paper.

ShootersHillGuru

Standing ? Klingons worry me.

soapy_jones

Always wondered what the box of Izal was for in my grandads outside loo when I was a kid. Few years later visited my Dads new gaff and there it was, a box of Izal, baffling. 20 years later let's just say a touch of the Denvers must run in the family...

seth plum

Henry the Eighth used to have an attendant to wipe his arris, even had a royal title 'Keeper of the Kings Stool'.

seth plum

Winet.

Also applicable if you have a hairy arris.


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=winet

JoshrewCAFC

MrOneLung said:

remain seated.
Scrunch.
Lift balls.
Wipe.

This.

guinnessaddick

http://www.joe.ie/life-style/if-you-sit-down-while-youre-having-a-shte-apparently-youre-doing-it-all-wrong/496474

Solidgone

I sit on the lawn and drag myself along.....a bit posh I know but there you go, the question was asked.

brogib

Anyone else get that feeling of accomplishment when you get a clean brake?

brogib

...then wipe again, just to confirm

McBobbin

One up, one down, and one to polish

Six-a-bag-of-nuts

Baldybonce said:

Does anyone remember the toilet paper that was like greaseproof paper? usually to be found in public toilets. Horrible stuff.

It's what we grew up with in school in the 60's.

Stig

brogib said:

Anyone else get that feeling of accomplishment when you get a clean brake?

It is surely one of the worst design faults on a human that the balloon knot is surrounded by buttocks.

oohaahmortimer

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

I had to get off the wet wipes cos they were making my arse sore and aggravating fissures so was advised to put a bit of water on toilet paper

And you can't do that on cheap toilet paper
As an IBS sufferer who requires 3-4 sloppy ones per morning i use a shit shed load of toilet paper so require the strongest softest quality available so as not to irritate my delicate derrière

I also get nervous when we get below 10 toilet rolls in the house
When I lived with just my girlfriend at one point I had a record 92 toilet rolls in the flat

Always bring extra bog paper on holiday cos 2 toilet rolls isn't enough for one mornings work

Yes very bizarre but this is one of my specialist subjects cos I spend half my life on the khazi
(Posted from toilet)

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oohaahmortimer said:

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

I had to get off the wet wipes cos they were making my arse sore and aggravating fissures so was advised to put a bit of water on toilet paper

And you can't do that on cheap toilet paper
As an IBS sufferer who requires 3-4 sloppy ones per morning i use a shit shed load of toilet paper so require the strongest softest quality available so as not to irritate my delicate derrière

I also get nervous when we get below 10 toilet rolls in the house
When I lived with just my girlfriend at one point I had a record 92 toilet rolls in the flat

Always bring extra bog paper on holiday cos 2 toilet rolls isn't enough for one mornings work

Yes very bizarre but this is one of my specialist subjects cos I spend half my life on the khazi
(Posted from toilet)

Cheers for that

Solidgone said:

I sit on the lawn and drag myself along.....a bit posh I know but there you go, the question was asked.

Is that how you come up with your username?

ilovelucy

Six-a-bag-of-nuts said:

Baldybonce said:

Does anyone remember the toilet paper that was like greaseproof paper? usually to be found in public toilets. Horrible stuff.

It's what we grew up with in school in the 60's.

This odd ill-designed product was named "Bronco", remember it well. That's all you got in public facilities, schools etc.

charltonJ

oohaahmortimer said:

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

I had to get off the wet wipes cos they were making my arse sore and aggravating fissures so was advised to put a bit of water on toilet paper

And you can't do that on cheap toilet paper
As an IBS sufferer who requires 3-4 sloppy ones per morning i use a shit shed load of toilet paper so require the strongest softest quality available so as not to irritate my delicate derrière

I also get nervous when we get below 10 toilet rolls in the house
When I lived with just my girlfriend at one point I had a record 92 toilet rolls in the flat

Always bring extra bog paper on holiday cos 2 toilet rolls isn't enough for one mornings work

Yes very bizarre but this is one of my specialist subjects cos I spend half my life on the khazi
(Posted from toilet)

We're like two peas in a shitty pod

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charltonJ said:

We're like two peas in a shitty pod

2 bog rolls every morning and 92 stashed!? Have you considered AA, Andrex Anonymous?

oohaahmortimer

That's a minimum of 2 ..... There is no maximum , especially if I've had a big Cadburys session the night before
PFT

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oohaahmortimer said:

That's a minimum of 2 ..... There is no maximum , especially if I've had a big Cadburys session the night before
PFT

MrOneLung

I think we have established the reason for our poor away numbers. Lack of toilet opportunities around the grounds.

MrOneLung

Seriously, sitting eliminates the risk of slippy bum whereby your toilet rolls shoots up your back on the upwipe. ( is that a word?)

ShootersHillGuru

oohaahmortimer said:

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

I had to get off the wet wipes cos they were making my arse sore and aggravating fissures so was advised to put a bit of water on toilet paper

And you can't do that on cheap toilet paper
As an IBS sufferer who requires 3-4 sloppy ones per morning i use a shit shed load of toilet paper so require the strongest softest quality available so as not to irritate my delicate derrière

I also get nervous when we get below 10 toilet rolls in the house
When I lived with just my girlfriend at one point I had a record 92 toilet rolls in the flat

Always bring extra bog paper on holiday cos 2 toilet rolls isn't enough for one mornings work

Yes very bizarre but this is one of my specialist subjects cos I spend half my life on the khazi
(Posted from toilet)

So you had more toilet rolls than we had travelling fans ?

AFKABartram

Blimey oohaah, no wonder you work from home!

Baldybonce

MrOneLung said:

I think we have established the reason for our poor away numbers. Lack of toilet opportunities around the grounds.

Many years ago I managed to sneak out of work early for a Tuesday night game at Swindon, on arrival just before kick off I had the urge for a poo, so nipped into the bog to find it was clean and even had paper.
I'd just sat down when there was a hammering on the door and a fellow addick shouting `hurry up mate i'm dying for a shit'.

Some things just can't be rushed.

Stig

oohaahmortimer said:

golfaddick said:

brogib said:

Folded wet wipes

the bane of all sewerman & the reason why we are getting more & more blocked drains nowdays.

Also, why pay extra for quality bog paper ? It all does the same thing & all gets flushed away.Not saying you should use the greaseproof paper stuff as mentioned above, but a supermarkets basic range is just as good as Andrex.

I had to get off the wet wipes cos they were making my arse sore and aggravating fissures so was advised to put a bit of water on toilet paper

And you can't do that on cheap toilet paper
As an IBS sufferer who requires 3-4 sloppy ones per morning i use a shit shed load of toilet paper so require the strongest softest quality available so as not to irritate my delicate derrière

I also get nervous when we get below 10 toilet rolls in the house
When I lived with just my girlfriend at one point I had a record 92 toilet rolls in the flat

Always bring extra bog paper on holiday cos 2 toilet rolls isn't enough for one mornings work

Yes very bizarre but this is one of my specialist subjects cos I spend half my life on the khazi
(Posted from toilet)

Jeez, how do you get on when you visit one of those places with little water, poor plumbing, and laws against flushing paper? Your bin must look like something from the winter of discontent.