Toilet Roll

cafcfan

JessieAddick said:

Er....three pages of talking sh*t.....? Got to love the openness and seriousness on CL when it comes to random issues!

And random tissues on occasion...

Baldybonce

brogib said:

Woss worse, the runs or constipation? Serious question

runs.
constipation is uncomfortable but the runs when you're out somewhere is grim.

JohnBoyUK

Carter said:

MrOneLung said:

There is nothing like the panic the onset of a watery shit gives you if you are away from your house.

Cold sweats the lot. Bloody horrible feeling that.

It's also when he creative side of humanity comes out.

...when you're away from your house, 16 miles into a marathon and you're desperately looking for a portaloo only to be told its another 2 miles down the road...

Try running and squeezing your arse cheeks together which turns into a duck-like waddle whilst being cheered on by everyone at the side of the road to keep going...and you just pray that you dont have an accident in front of the crowds...

JohnBoyUK

Anyway, do people really stand up to wipe? This has been a real eye opener this thread. I'm another one in OohAahs pod, need to be at least 90 odd rolls of toilet paper in the house.

Addicted

JohnBoyUK said:

Anyway, do people really stand up to wipe?

I put one leg up on the bath

guinnessaddick

Addicted said:

JohnBoyUK said:

Anyway, do people really stand up to wipe?

I put one leg up on the bath

Not good, if the bath is across the landing.

Dazzler21

Seated Fold.

MrOneLung

brogib said:

Woss worse, the runs or constipation? Serious question

The runs definitely.

Constipated can be uncomfortable for sure but the runs can strike you anywhere.

Back in the days when I commuted from Dartford, I once had to urgently get into the toilet on the train before it reached Slade Green and only got out at Lewisham as the train was on its way back up towards Dartford.

Dazzler21

Argh I don't understand some nations governments.

Baldybonce

What do you chaps who are a bit delicate with the bowels do about flights?

JohnBoyUK

Blimey, reading Jessie's post makes me realise how lucky I am...all be it with IBS and the runners trots...

MrOneLung

Baldybonce said:

What do you chaps who are a bit delicate with the bowels do about flights?

Use the toilets.

guinnessaddick

Baldybonce said:

What do you chaps who are a bit delicate with the bowels do about flights?

Use the feather ones instead of the plastic ones and always go for the bullseye.

Baldybonce

Posting from the gents at city airport.
The paper here is certainly economy.

nth_london_addick

Constipation is worse than runs, atleast with the Bombay trots you can remove the pain by a pony, with the dry stools it's gonna rip a hole the size of Coventry to get out

killerandflash

After the Birmingham away game, I stayed around to have several beers with a friend, the crashed out on the last Virgin train back to Euston. Woke up at Euston, dying for a dump, so desperately had to use the toilet on the train, all the time worried that I might get locked in and taken back to the depot in a train toilet.

Not very relevant (I am a sitter and folder incidentally) but I thought I ought to make a contribution to this thread...

nth_london_addick

There was an addick on his way home from Everton, who got themselves in to a right old two and eight, they went missing on the train home and were finally discovered in the jacks, with their trousers round their ankles a large cut on the head, shit floating around the whole karzi and semi conscious, last I saw of them was the ambulance taking them away, not sure if they post on here but it was a great day out and a fine finish for all except him and his brother.

oohaahmortimer

Baldybonce said:

What do you chaps who are a bit delicate with the bowels do about flights?

I try to eat less the day before and have Imodium at the ready .

I've had a rather sarcastic discussion with a stewardess before when the seatbelt sign had been on for ages after take off (with the only turbulence in my stomach) and she was adamant I should stay in my seat , I got up and said I'd face whatever the consequences were but I'd rather not have soiled pants on for the rest of the flight .
She wasn't happy but there was no follow through from her or me

cafcfan

oohaahmortimer said:

Baldybonce said:

What do you chaps who are a bit delicate with the bowels do about flights?

I try to eat less the day before and have Imodium at the ready .

I've had a rather sarcastic discussion with a stewardess before when the seatbelt sign had been on for ages after take off (with the only turbulence in my stomach) and she was adamant I should stay in my seat , I got up and said I'd face whatever the consequences were but I'd rather not have soiled pants on for the rest of the flight .
She wasn't happy but there was no follow through

Surely, then there was no point you going to the bog?

Baldybonce

Posting from the public bogs, Holiday inn Belfast.
This is more like it. Luxury.

Six-a-bag-of-nuts

sadiejane1981 said:

Addickted2TheReds said:

Tried the sit-down technique today... those of you who do that are all f'ing savages.

It was a similar experience to those bikes at theme parks where the handlebars and the front wheel are aligned so that the front wheel does the opposite to what you tell it to do. It's dysfunctional and you're all wrong'uns.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Sit downers = Palace fans.
Scrunchers = Millwall fans.

Confused, don't everybody sit down whilst pooing/wiping? It makes physical sense too as when you're sitting your cheeks are looser and parting, if you're standing you'll have to pull them apart whilst trying to wipe, surely that is more savage?

Quite so.
Particularly I would have thought for the ladies who, how can I put this, generally have a lot more buttock flesh to negotiate before they reach their little chocolate starfish.