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Toilet Roll

13

Comments

  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,896
    There is nothing like the panic the onset of a watery shit gives you if you are away from your house.
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,264
    Yeah don't ever go to Greece or Mexico

    All the boys holidays I went on to Greek shit hole islands the paper bin was full by the first morning. And it always lands marmite side up.

    We asked this moody old Greek sod to empty it or give us another one. He refused so we took to burning the paper. He relented and changed it everyday
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,264
    MrOneLung said:

    There is nothing like the panic the onset of a watery shit gives you if you are away from your house.

    Cold sweats the lot. Bloody horrible feeling that.

    It's also when he creative side of humanity comes out.
  • limeygent
    limeygent Posts: 3,217
    edited May 2015
    MrOneLung said:

    remain seated.
    Scrunch.
    Lift balls.
    Wipe.

    Surprised a Charlton supporter would employ such underhanded tactics.
  • sadiejane1981
    sadiejane1981 Posts: 9,012
    It depends on how much time I have. If there are others waiting to use to loo or I'm in a rush it's scrunch, wipe, down repeat. If it's a nice casual poo then wind, wipe, fold, wipe, down, repeat.
  • cafcnick1992
    cafcnick1992 Posts: 7,445
    I thought women didn't poo?
  • 3blokes
    3blokes Posts: 4,610
    This site just keeps on giving....:-)
  • ilovelucy
    ilovelucy Posts: 220

    I thought women didn't poo?

    Yeah, me too. Thought they were made of sugar & spice & all things nice?
  • lordromford
    lordromford Posts: 7,822
    Don't know why we're even discussing this.
    Toilet paper is so old fashioned - and solutions to winnit and dangleberry problems have been around for ages:
  • cafcfan
    cafcfan Posts: 11,205
    Surprised Henry hasn't been extolling the virtues and delights of his bidet.

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  • HardyAddick
    HardyAddick Posts: 1,638
    Why don't loo rolls get thrown these days onto the pitch when someone scores? Was all the rage on the 70's
  • brogib
    brogib Posts: 2,128

    Why don't loo rolls get thrown these days onto the pitch when someone scores? Was all the rage on the 70's

    Coz you'd get 4 years in clink
  • smiffyboy
    smiffyboy Posts: 4,314
    Just had a dump in a pub and made the cardinal sin of not checking for paper, had to phone a mate to get me some who found it highly amusing before actually asking for some
  • brogib
    brogib Posts: 2,128
    smiffyboy said:

    Just had a dump in a pub and made the cardinal sin of not checking for paper, had to phone a mate to get me some who found it highly amusing before actually asking for some

    Sacrificial pants
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,773
    Unbelievable thread.
  • brogib
    brogib Posts: 2,128

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
  • smiffyboy
    smiffyboy Posts: 4,314
    Luckily I didn't have to use the pants
  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,773
    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
  • AidenTheAddick
    AidenTheAddick Posts: 1,061

    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
    Which do you find unbelievable; scrunch or fold? Or stand or sit?
  • lordromford
    lordromford Posts: 7,822

    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
    Which do you find unbelievable; scrunch or fold? Or stand or sit?
    Or that nobody on CL seems to have a 'Clag-Gone' installed in their khazi.

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  • petetheaddick
    petetheaddick Posts: 375
    Why isn't the cardboard tube of a toilet roll made of something that's easily dissolvable ?
  • brogib
    brogib Posts: 2,128

    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
    Smilie face Beds ffs
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,896
    smiffyboy said:

    Just had a dump in a pub and made the cardinal sin of not checking for paper, had to phone a mate to get me some who found it highly amusing before actually asking for some

    Surely you always have a safety wipe of the seat before perching down which would alert you to this issue!!!

  • Bedsaddick
    Bedsaddick Posts: 24,773
    brogib said:

    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
    Smilie face Beds ffs


    image
  • Tried the sit-down technique today... those of you who do that are all f'ing savages.

    It was a similar experience to those bikes at theme parks where the handlebars and the front wheel are aligned so that the front wheel does the opposite to what you tell it to do. It's dysfunctional and you're all wrong'uns.

    Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    Sit downers = Palace fans.
    Scrunchers = Millwall fans.
  • ads
    ads Posts: 3,226

    brogib said:

    brogib said:

    Unbelievable thread.

    Yet you decided to open it and leave a comment

    : )
    Well if I hadn't opened it I wouldn't have known it was an unbelievable thread!
    Smilie face Beds ffs


    image
    Think you've found oohaahs new avatar
  • sadiejane1981
    sadiejane1981 Posts: 9,012

    Tried the sit-down technique today... those of you who do that are all f'ing savages.

    It was a similar experience to those bikes at theme parks where the handlebars and the front wheel are aligned so that the front wheel does the opposite to what you tell it to do. It's dysfunctional and you're all wrong'uns.

    Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    Sit downers = Palace fans.
    Scrunchers = Millwall fans.

    Confused, don't everybody sit down whilst pooing/wiping? It makes physical sense too as when you're sitting your cheeks are looser and parting, if you're standing you'll have to pull them apart whilst trying to wipe, surely that is more savage?
  • nth_london_addick
    nth_london_addick Posts: 35,919
    It's a thread of the lowest humour but a great thread
  • Baldybonce
    Baldybonce Posts: 9,667

    Er....three pages of talking sh*t.....? Got to love the openness and seriousness on CL when it comes to random issues! :)

    Welcome back Jessie, where have you been for so long...............the toilet?
  • brogib
    brogib Posts: 2,128
    Woss worse, the runs or constipation? Serious question