I will not be sending an email to the CAFC fan database, suggesting they all make a freedom of information request to the club, for all CCTV footage of their self for the entirety of there visit to the valley on Saturday!
Just closed the latest West And North Kent Expostulating Roland Society (WANKERS) meeting and all three of us have agreed we will not be breaking into Tony Keohane's house whilst he's busy entertaining guests at The Valley and shitting on his bed and in his washing machine.
The vote against doing this was only two to one with the more militant wing of WANKERS swallowing 100 Detox Plus tablets during the meeting in preparation for Saturday.
The number plates off my van were stolen last year and I can absolutely confirm that, if a short, tubby man who looks a little like an albino panda is bundled into a van with my registration number and later found wandering around in his pants covered with flour and eggs in a hackney housing estate with a sign on his back saying 'they forced me to swallow two kilos, please take it back'
Definitely wasn't my van it must have been those guys who nicked the plates last year.
I definitely won't be expecting a win, spending money or enjoying my customer experience.
On the pigeon front, surely we just need bird seed to attract the little fluffy little fellas to someone's car. Superglue a tonne of bird seed on say a land rover and those birds will keep a pecking for month. Not that anything like that will happen.
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The vote against doing this was only two to one with the more militant wing of WANKERS swallowing 100 Detox Plus tablets during the meeting in preparation for Saturday.
Definitely wasn't my van it must have been those guys who nicked the plates last year.
On the pigeon front, surely we just need bird seed to attract the little fluffy little fellas to someone's car. Superglue a tonne of bird seed on say a land rover and those birds will keep a pecking for month. Not that anything like that will happen.
No no no, not even a flat tyre...or four.