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Weirdest things that have happened to you on a date

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  • fatkit
    fatkit Posts: 294
    ok, after 10pm, I'm all in

    16, first date, Sidcup ABC, dad drove us both there, she lived in Chislehurst, I lived in the cup, film was absolute beginners, which was, universally critiqued as absolutely shite....not that that's actually anything you as the reader cares about. Anyways....

    Heavy petting throughout, I'm bedecked in my finest mid to late 80's Sidcup soul patrol linen and such like, rocking a wedge up top, she tells me halfway through said film and said petting, that she needs to go to the khasi as she's too juiced up...

    I thought it was disgusting, binned her off the next day

    What a total idiot I was then, oh for the wife to say that to me today.
  • nth_london_addick
    nth_london_addick Posts: 35,919
    Told ya carts dont live that far away, Mrs carts is logged on
  • i_b_b_o_r_g
    i_b_b_o_r_g Posts: 18,948
    RodneyCharltonTrotta said:


    Sorry @i_b_b_o_r_g that's a deserved flagging.

    Don't apologise luv
  • Alwaysneil
    Alwaysneil Posts: 13,804
    If she's furry all over, you're in the Pelt On Arms.
  • Rob
    Rob Posts: 11,770
    edited August 2016
    Years ago I was going through a divorce from my wife and was going out on a date. Wanting to impress her I borrowed my mate's car. One thing led to another and we climbed in the back seat. I looked on the floor and recognized a pair of my wife's knickers. That kind of put a dampener on proceedings. :-)
  • LuckyReds
    LuckyReds Posts: 5,866
    edited August 2016
    fatkit said:

    ok, after 10pm, I'm all in

    16, first date, Sidcup ABC, dad drove us both there, she lived in Chislehurst, I lived in the cup, film was absolute beginners, which was, universally critiqued as absolutely shite....not that that's actually anything you as the reader cares about. Anyways....

    Heavy petting throughout, I'm bedecked in my finest mid to late 80's Sidcup soul patrol linen and such like, rocking a wedge up top, she tells me halfway through said film and said petting, that she needs to go to the khasi as she's too juiced up...

    I thought it was disgusting, binned her off the next day

    What a total idiot I was then, oh for the wife to say that to me today.

    Jesus. My first date involved a cinema too, but with a completely different ending.. I'd have loved that one.

    I was 15 and the film was "PS I Love You" - she told me she'd read the book and it was brilliant. It was absolutely feckin' dire. There's me though, a hormonal teenager who is intently watching every second of this shit - fully expecting an interrogation after we leave.

    I was so nervous and immersed in studying this film - a film which still takes the crown for the most painful pile of shit I've ever had the misfortune of watching - that when the lights came on at the end I realised she'd been asleep. Turns out she got 10 minutes in, decided it was shit and nodded off.

    Still, she was a Charlton girl and I still see her in passing at The Valley every now and again. So she wasn't that bad. (Although I do pretend I haven't noticed her...)
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    I once arranged a blind date and told her I would be the one on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in the cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under my arm.

    I was still there at 9:30.
  • A-R-T-H-U-R
    A-R-T-H-U-R Posts: 7,678
    Wheresmeticket? said:

    I once arranged a blind date and told her I would be the one on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in the cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under my arm.

    I was still there at 9:30.

    She'd lost her watch?
  • Leuth
    Leuth Posts: 23,312
    Could be worse http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-36950013
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 51,981
    edited August 2016
    Wheresmeticket? said:

    I once arranged a blind date and told her I would be the one on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in the cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under my arm.

    I was still there at 9:30.

    I'm stunned that a bloke waiting on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under his arm, got stood up.
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  • StigThundercock
    StigThundercock Posts: 3,722
    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 51,981
    StigThundercock said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Is this how you got your username ?
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,240
    Or a driven woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it
  • Charltonparklane
    Charltonparklane Posts: 5,786
    Carter said:

    Or a driven woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it

    *Sees most recent comment by Carter on front screen to find this.

    Disappointed Face
  • golfaddick
    golfaddick Posts: 33,615
    thought I;d better add to this thread, but unfortunately I think I used up all my best ones on the daring thread the other year nd that now both my mum & my son now pop on here........

    However, one mild one that I recall that I can tell. I was with a group of workmates on Conference and being in-between wives I was up for some fun. We were in a club knocking back the vodka & red bulls & a lady of a certain age (cougar - but old) came up to me with the "don't I know you from somewhere...." chat up line. Seeing that we were in Glasgow & I am a London boy, I politrly told her that she must be mistaken . This continued for an hour or two, with her approaching me every 15/20 mins declaring that I must know her and why wouldn't I talk to her.

    Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound, Finally, around 2am & the club starting to thin out a bit I turned to her as we finished dancing together (didn't I say - she attached to me & wouldn't leave my side) and said in a rather loud voice............"Ok love, where to now - yours or mine" Rather taken aback she retorted......" I'm not that sort of women" and stormed out of the club never to be seen again.

    just wished I'd said that 2 hours earlier as I might have been able to enjoy the evening better
    -
  • ElfsborgAddick
    ElfsborgAddick Posts: 29,024
    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    StigThundercock said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,780
    Covered End said:

    Wheresmeticket? said:

    I once arranged a blind date and told her I would be the one on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in the cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under my arm.

    I was still there at 9:30.

    I'm stunned that a bloke waiting on Peckham Queens Rd station at 8pm in cycle shorts with a copy of the Guardian under his arm, got stood up.
    What's with all this Peckham Queens Rd? Anyone who's ever been to the station, or even passed through, or even just read a timetable in bed before going to sleep, knows it's Queens Road Peckham, or sometimes Queens Road, Peckham or even Queens Road (Peckham). What kind of trainspotters are they letting on to this forum?
  • cafcdave123
    cafcdave123 Posts: 11,491
    ElfsborgAddick said:

    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    StigThundercock said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

  • cafcdave123
    cafcdave123 Posts: 11,491
    ;)
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,240
    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    StigThundercock said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

    Only if she blows you out but gets piped by all the other boys in the pub
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  • iainment
    iainment Posts: 8,036
    i_b_b_o_r_g said:

    I got offered a 3some once (me and 2 birds), but turned it down.

    That's the trouble with wild fowlers. No gun, no fun.
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,620
    Carter said:

    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    cafcdave123 said:

    ElfsborgAddick said:

    StigThundercock said:

    I'd been stood at the bar in a club for about 10 minutes chatting to the mixed group of friends with whom I'd arrived, when an adult female walked up and pointing to a tall woman halfway across the dance floor said "Allo, my mate over there really likes you, you gonna come over and say hello?" just like teenagers do at school discos, except these two were both 30. Being single at the time and having been raised as a gentleman I graciously accepted the unexpected invitation. The mate did indeed 'really like' me, about 45 minutes later and on several subsequent occasions over the following couple of weeks.

    Bit of a slag then!
    He is a bit isn't he
    A question.

    A geezer puts it about, he's a hit with the ladies. A woman does it and she's easy(or a slag, ahem), where is the difference?

    Can the women not be called studettes?
    No, she's a whore!

    Only if she blows you out but gets piped by all the other boys in the pub
    Is that at the same time?
  • guinnessaddick
    guinnessaddick Posts: 28,590
    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    Why didn't you just go to A&E?
  • Gravesend_Addick
    Gravesend_Addick Posts: 7,299
    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    If anyone else had written this, I'd swear they'd just made it up!
  • Alwaysneil
    Alwaysneil Posts: 13,804
    She should have used no more nails to stick the things on.
  • ElfsborgAddick
    ElfsborgAddick Posts: 29,024
    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    I hope your parents are not members of Charlton Life!

    Well done btw.
  • T_C_E
    T_C_E Posts: 16,418
    ElfsborgAddick said:

    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    I hope your parents are not members of Charlton Life!

    Well done btw.
    What worries me is, he probably still has the photos on his phone. :(
  • North Lower Neil
    North Lower Neil Posts: 22,943
    edited August 2016
    guinnessaddick said:

    Carter said:

    So, one I'm not so proud of but has popped into my head

    I'd met a girl online who was pretty forward, she happened to be a stripper too. I suspect she may have done the occasional private job too. Anyway

    We had been chatting on the phone and to be frank, really explaining in detail what we were going to do to each other. We'd exchanged explicit photographs or one another and finally hooked up at a bar and ended up back at mine.

    I'm aware kids read this site so please edit of this next bit is inappropriate

    After some more booze and a dribble of narcotics we'd begun the most rancid, filthy sexual ritual I'd been involved in during my life up to that point. Boundaries were shattered and taboos were broken. One which included one of her digits being eased up my rectum. Leaving a false nail behind.

    The discomfort still makes my teeth creak to this day. The first 'date' ended with me face down, arse up and her pouring olive oil up my coy using a succession of things trying to retrieve said fingernail. Eventually the fucking thing was retrieved with the handles of two teaspoons acting as weird forceppy chopsticks.

    At this point it was about 5am and I was rewarded with what should have been one of the most thorough blowjobs I've ever had but it's fair to say the magic had dampened somewhat and I felt a bit..... interupted. Anyway she remained keen as mustard but that night had tainted me and I felt vandalised if I'm totally blunt so things dribbled out. Ones thing is for sure I don't think I'll forget that cold January night in 2009 in a hurry

    Why didn't you just go to A&E?
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kRqaDh_RKCU

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