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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • jose
    jose Posts: 605
    A mystery virus is causing people to forget British bands.

    Nobody knows the cure.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 605
    A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.

    The nurse asked the rabbit "what's your blood type?"

    "I'm probably a type O". said the rabbit
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777


  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    jose said:
    A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.

    The nurse asked the rabbit "what's your blood type?"

    "I'm probably a type O". said the rabbit
    The priest said "Holy Mary, mother of Jesus, a talking rabbit!".
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    AI was supposed to take over menial work so we'd all be free to be creative. Instead, it's taking over creative work so we're all free to be menial.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • ForeverAddickted
    ForeverAddickted Posts: 94,286
    I cant get over the fact that the word "guillible" looks like a cat upside down
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    ForeverAddickted said:
    I cant get over the fact that the word "guillible" looks like a cat upside down
    “Gullible” has been removed from the Oxford English Dictionary. 
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    Two owls playing pool . The younger one tells the older one he’s never played before , but the older one assures him he will talk him through it 

    The older one is on spots and the younger one on stripes . As the young one goes to take his shot , his wing accidentally touches the spot ball 

    “Hey ! “ said the big owl , “ that’s two hits , that !” 

    The little owl looks confused and says , “ Two hits to who ?”
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    The wife was turned into a couch by a wicked witch and she ended up in  hospital.

    I enquired "How is she"?

    They replied "Comfortable"
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  • Danepak
    Danepak Posts: 1,628
    edited August 18
    A guy walks into a bar and orders a Rum & Coke.
    The bartender puts an apple on the desk. The guy is confused, but the bartender tells him to take a bit.
    He takes a bite and is astonished that it tastes like Rum. The bartender then says: 'Turn it around'.
    The guy is even more astonished that the other side tastes like Coke.
    Another guy comes in, stands next to the first guy and orders a Gin & Tonic.
    The bartender again puts an apple on the desk. The guy is also confused, but again, the bartender tells him to take a bit.
    He takes a bite and is amazed that it tastes like Gin. The bartender then says: 'Turn it around'.
    The guy is even more amazed that the other side tastes like Tonic.

    A third guy comes in and just before he's about to order, one of the other guys tells him that this bartender has an amazing apple and he can make it taste of exactly what you want to have right now.
    The guy then thinks for a moment and says: OK, I would like to have something which tastes like pussy.
    Sure enough. The bartender puts an apple on the desk.
    The guy takes a bite and quickly spits it out and says: It tastes like shit!
    'Turn it around'.
  • MrWalker
    MrWalker Posts: 4,102
    edited August 21
    I got caught stealing mascara in Saudi Arabia.

    They gave me 50 lashes
  • Swindon_Addick
    Swindon_Addick Posts: 1,615


  • gringo
    gringo Posts: 556
    Swindon_Addick said:


    total shite in all its hues.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • gringo
    gringo Posts: 556
    AddicksAddict said:


  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    gringo said:
    AddicksAddict said:


    Try this one then, less brain cells required. 


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  • gringo
    gringo Posts: 556
    just a bit patronising.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 605
    What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?






    Ian.
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,818
    AddicksAddict said:

    Yep, no idea what this is about. 

    Apparently means I have not got enough brain cells 
  • R0TW
    R0TW Posts: 1,673
    Me neither, but I guess his dinner party mates must fall over each other laughing.
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,007
    Well, that's challenged my brain cell to the point of giving up.
  • _MrDick
    _MrDick Posts: 13,101
    I remember watching Stars in their Eyes with Mathew Kelly who  one week noticed a pair of contestants , one of which was half the size of the other 

    ‘ I can’t help noticing the height difference ‘ said Mathew 

    ‘ This in my Uncle , and I am six foot two and my Uncle is three foot one 

    ‘ So who have you come as ? ‘ asked Mathew 

    ‘ Simon and Half Uncle
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    R0TW said:
    Me neither, but I guess his dinner party mates must fall over each other laughing.
    Dinner parties are so last century, darling. 
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,007
    I once had some German laxatives, they brought out the wurst in me.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 15,777
    A friend worries I don't believe in organised religion.

    But I do.  I believe in it just like I believe in organised crime.

    And I avoid both with equal fervour.

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