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"Im terribly sorry we must leave now!"AddicksAddict said:A friend worries I don't believe in organised religion.
But I do. I believe in it just like I believe in organised crime.
And I avoid both with equal fervour.
"but Roger, the dinner party is only just starting..."2 -
A Sultan's wife is called a Sultana, or just his currant wife.4
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MrWalker said:A Sultan's wife is called a Sultana, or just his currant wife.
The Sultana, who can be the currant wife helps with the raisin of children 😀10 -
Remember Wembley, we had such a ball.gringo said:
"Im terribly sorry we must leave now!"AddicksAddict said:A friend worries I don't believe in organised religion.
But I do. I believe in it just like I believe in organised crime.
And I avoid both with equal fervour.
"but Roger, the dinner party is only just starting..."0 -
I asked a sex worker for a nurse roleplay session and when I got there she threatened to go on strike, harangued me about the state of NHS funding and then fell asleep, exhausted after a 14-hour shift.
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my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.
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That’s hardly a banger of a joke mate_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.0 -
Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…Watameire said:
You need Toulouse that obsession_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.3 -
If you want to quickly get rid of your old fridge free of charge just paint a St George’s cross on it and leave it outside….. the council will be straight round to remove it5
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Surely you’d be banging your head?Fumbluff said:
Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…Watameire said:
You need Toulouse that obsession_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.2 -
Bangers and smashLargeAddick said:
Surely you’d be banging your head?Fumbluff said:
Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…Watameire said:
You need Toulouse that obsession_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.1 -
Wurst one yetFumbluff said:
Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…Watameire said:
You need Toulouse that obsession_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.3 -
Just found out I'm colourblind. That came out of the purple.
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After 25 years in the liquor business, Tom quits, buys 50 acres in remote Alaska, and lives in total peace - no visitors for six months.
One day, there’s a knock. A huge bearded man says, “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from 40 miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday at 5. You should come.”
“Sounds great,” says Tom.
Lars starts to leave, then adds, “Gonna be some drinkin’.”
“No problem - I can handle that.”
“Probably some fightin’, too.”
“I get along with folks - I’ll be fine.”
“Maybe some wild sex, too.”
“Even better!” Tom grins. “What should I wear?”
Lars shrugs. “Don’t matter… just gonna be the two of us.”18 -
Because the platypus lays eggs and produces milk, it’s one of the few animals that can make its own custard.8
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Can’t. No time.Watameire said:
You need Toulouse that obsession_MrDick said:my wife is fed up with me over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do the trick.0 -
I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66.11
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You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.AddicksAddict said:I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66.2 -
What? 2/3 of 451 is 300.66.Chizz said:
You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.AddicksAddict said:I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66.1 -
300.67 if you use rounding rather than truncation.AddicksAddict said:
What? 2/3 of 451 is 300.66.Chizz said:
You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.AddicksAddict said:I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66.0 -
True, although I was thinking of using 300.666666666666666666666666666666666666, but I ran out of 6s.thai malaysia addick said:
300.67 if you use rounding rather than truncation.AddicksAddict said:
What? 2/3 of 451 is 300.66.Chizz said:
You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.AddicksAddict said:I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66.1 -
Why do the French eat snails?Because they don’t like fast food.3
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Our great-nephew’s maths homework today.
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Wife walks into the kitchen and finds her husband walking around with a fly swatter.
Wife: “What are you doing?”
Husband: “Hunting flies.”
Wife: “Oh? Caught any?”
Husband: “Yep. 3 males, 2 females.”
Wife: “How on earth can you tell the difference?!”
Husband: “Easy… 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!”
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Nigel says to his mum I've got the biggest Dick in the nursery, is it because I come from Croydon and I'm special.
Mum says no you retard it's because you are 28 , now eat your spaghetti hoops and try not to spill any on your Palace shirt.8 -
So I went to a restaurant and the waiter said, "I’m really sorry but we are so busy tonight; Would you mind waiting for a bit?" I said, "No problem." He said, "Good, take these drinks to table 7."
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