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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • A friend worries I don't believe in organised religion.

    But I do.  I believe in it just like I believe in organised crime.

    And I avoid both with equal fervour.
    "Im terribly sorry we must leave now!"
    "but Roger, the dinner party is only just starting..."
  • A Sultan's wife is called a Sultana, or just his currant wife.
  • gringo said:
    A friend worries I don't believe in organised religion.

    But I do.  I believe in it just like I believe in organised crime.

    And I avoid both with equal fervour.
    "Im terribly sorry we must leave now!"
    "but Roger, the dinner party is only just starting..."
    Remember Wembley, we had such a ball.
  • my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
  • _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    That’s hardly a banger of a joke mate 
  • _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
  • Watameire said:
    _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
    Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…
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  • Fumbluff said:
    Watameire said:
    _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
    Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…
    Surely you’d be banging your head?
  • Fumbluff said:
    Watameire said:
    _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
    Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…
    Surely you’d be banging your head?
    Bangers and smash
  • Fumbluff said:
    Watameire said:
    _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
    Please stop, I’m smashing my head against the walls here…
    Wurst one yet
  • _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    That's the way to do it!
  • Watameire said:
    _MrDick said:
    my wife  is fed up with me  over my obsession with sausages. I said to her “how about I take you away for a few days to take our minds off this problem.? She agreed. A nice few days in Cumberland and Lincolnshire should do  the trick.
    You need Toulouse that obsession 
    Can’t. No time. 
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  • I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.

    I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66. 
    You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.
  • Chizz said:
    I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.

    I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66. 
    You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.
    What?  2/3 of 451 is 300.66. 
  • Chizz said:
    I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.

    I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66. 
    You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.
    What?  2/3 of 451 is 300.66. 
    300.67 if you use rounding rather than truncation.
  • edited September 4
    Chizz said:
    I went into a bookshop that had a sign outside saying “1/3 off selected titles“.

    I came away with The Two Musketeers and Fahrenheit 300.66. 
    You got a bargain. It should have been Fahrenheit 600.66.
    What?  2/3 of 451 is 300.66. 
    300.67 if you use rounding rather than truncation.
    True, although I was thinking of using 300.666666666666666666666666666666666666, but I ran out of 6s. 
  • Why do the French eat snails?

    Because they don’t like fast food.
  • Our great-nephew’s maths homework today. 


  • Wife walks into the kitchen and finds her husband walking around with a fly swatter.

    Wife: “What are you doing?”
    Husband: “Hunting flies.” 
    Wife: “Oh? Caught any?”
    Husband: “Yep. 3 males, 2 females.”
    Wife: “How on earth can you tell the difference?!”
    Husband: “Easy… 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!”
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