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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • True story…

    Scene: Inside a department store. My mother unexpectedly meets an old friend.

    My mother: Hello, Vera. How are you?
    Vera: Oh, I’ve lost my husband.
    My mother (sounding grave): Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
    Vera: Oh, there he is. Woo-hoo, Arthur, I’m over here.
  • True story…

    Scene: Inside a department store. My mother unexpectedly meets an old friend.

    My mother: Hello, Vera. How are you?
    Vera: Oh, I’ve lost my husband.
    My mother (sounding grave): Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
    Vera: Oh, there he is. Woo-hoo, Arthur, I’m over here.
    Another true story:

    Tuesday we were at Ms AA’s pension lunch. This woman says to my wife, “I’ve lost my husband, he’s 44 “ to which my wife replied “so what’s he doing here then?“  then she realised the woman meant he was on table 44
  • Every time you make a typo, the errorists win. 
  • Sad news from the Nestle factory today. 
    A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. 
    He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered.
  • R0TW said:
    Sad news from the Nestle factory today. 
    A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. 
    He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered.
    Blimey! That was old when The Milky Bar Kid was actually still a kid!! 
  • Things overheard in the bedroom or IKEA. 

    Well, that was a complete waste of a Saturday.

    At least it only cost £60.

    I really enjoyed eating that. 
  • SoundAsa£
    edited October 5
    A traffic warden is being buried, a number of his work colleagues are attending.
    As the coffin is being lowered into the grave a voice from inside calls out……”let me out help, I’m not dead”.
    One of his colleagues replies…..”Sorry Sir…….that’s not possible, we’ve already started the paperwork.”
  • A traffic warden is being buried, a number of his work colleagues are attending.
    As the coffin is being lowered into the grave a voice from inside calls out……”let me out help, I’m not dead”.
    One of his colleagues replies…..”Sorry Sir…….that’s not possible, we’ve already started the paperwork.”

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  • Top tip.

    Pretend you’re an Olympic fencer by attacking a beekeeper with a car aerial.
  • Top tip two.

    Rappers. Avoid having to ask “ know what I’m sayin’? “ all the time, by actually speaking clearly in the first place.