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True story…
Scene: Inside a department store. My mother unexpectedly meets an old friend.
My mother: Hello, Vera. How are you?
Vera: Oh, I’ve lost my husband.
My mother (sounding grave): Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
Vera: Oh, there he is. Woo-hoo, Arthur, I’m over here.3 -
My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, but don't worry.
I'll return
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Another true story:thai malaysia addick said:True story…
Scene: Inside a department store. My mother unexpectedly meets an old friend.
My mother: Hello, Vera. How are you?
Vera: Oh, I’ve lost my husband.
My mother (sounding grave): Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
Vera: Oh, there he is. Woo-hoo, Arthur, I’m over here.
Tuesday we were at Ms AA’s pension lunch. This woman says to my wife, “I’ve lost my husband, he’s 44 “ to which my wife replied “so what’s he doing here then?“ then she realised the woman meant he was on table 441 -
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.2
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Sad news from the Nestle factory today.A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking.He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered.2
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Blimey! That was old when The Milky Bar Kid was actually still a kid!!R0TW said:Sad news from the Nestle factory today.A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking.He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted 'The Milky Bars are on me' his colleagues just cheered.2 -
Things overheard in the bedroom or IKEA.Well, that was a complete waste of a Saturday.
At least it only cost £60.
I really enjoyed eating that.1 -
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A traffic warden is being buried, a number of his work colleagues are attending.
As the coffin is being lowered into the grave a voice from inside calls out……”let me out help, I’m not dead”.
One of his colleagues replies…..”Sorry Sir…….that’s not possible, we’ve already started the paperwork.”2 -
SoundAsa£ said:A traffic warden is being buried, a number of his work colleagues are attending.
As the coffin is being lowered into the grave a voice from inside calls out……”let me out help, I’m not dead”.
One of his colleagues replies…..”Sorry Sir…….that’s not possible, we’ve already started the paperwork.”
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I was admiring my boss’s new Mercedes.He came over and asked if I liked it.I said yes.He then told me that if I was willing to work hard and be dedicated and make some sacrifices, then maybe in two years he would be able to buy another one.10
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Top tip.
Pretend you’re an Olympic fencer by attacking a beekeeper with a car aerial.
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Top tip two.
Rappers. Avoid having to ask “ know what I’m sayin’? “ all the time, by actually speaking clearly in the first place.4 -
TT3
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they`re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc `tastes exactly like the real thing`, they won`t know any difference
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TT4
AMATEUR astronomers. Avoid total blindness by viewing the sun through a telescope rather than binoculars.
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