[quote][cite]Posted By: LoOkOuT[/cite]Dave, if I can project my own thoughts onto what I think Leroy is saying, I think you've got him wrong. The problem with the idea of fulfilling one's potential is that it is ever-elusive. I consider myself a high-acheiver, but my problem is that, as much as I have achieved (whatever that's worth!), I hold myself to still higher goals. I by nature am never satisfied. The job is never done, or could always have been done better and not through any lack of work! I hold other people to those high standards and that puts tension on any relationships, because how can anyone live up to expectations when there is always room for improvement?[/quote]
So maybe we're confusing 'achieving your potential' with perfectionism.
I agree that there is always room for improvement and, if that is what Leroy meant, I stand corrected.
Maybe what I'm suggesting is about getting as close as possible to realising your full potential and not being content to hide behind excuses.
And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Mine was when I played for the Charlton youth team.
We were playing Arsenal away and were 2-0 up at half time. I was told I was coming on for the second half to play in goal. I had a slight groin strain so said I'd better not.
That afternoon I went to watch my Sunday side play in a cup game. They only had 10 men and no reserve goalie so i played and kicked with my left foot. Sadly I played a blinder and a scout was there. He reported back to Charlton and they realised I was already on their books.
The following Tuesday, after Charlton training I was called in to the coaches office (John Cartwright) and told I was being released as "this isn't the attitude of player we are looking for"
I was told I had potential for 2nd or 3rd division but they were looking for Premier league potential.
If i hadn't played in that cup game - or if i'd had a stinker - who knows what could have been
[quote][cite]Posted By: T.C.E[/cite]Life is a bit short for regrets, but to anwer your question. Personally. Never knowing my Dad ( died when I was 8) Charlton. I think they achieved everything I could hope for in my lifetime. Maybe a big final win would have been nice. No, I wasn't around the last time.[/quote]
Similar regret to T.C.E. My Dad walked out when I was a few months old back in the 60s when single parent families were very much in the minority. In my forties now and I still think quite a bit about how it could have been. It's definitely given me a slight cynical and cautious approach to life. Upside to it though is that I've always made sure that I've been there for my own kids every step of the way and all of them are Addicks to boot so I can't have done to bad a job.
[cite]Posted By: Dave Rudd[/cite]With all due respect ... especially to the tragic examples ... there is only ever one thing that all of us might regret:
Failing to achieve your potential
You may be good, bad or indifferent ... but being all that you are able to be ... that's what it is about.
Fail to do that, and then you can be regretful.
Otherwise ... live with it.
Nope. I haven't achieved my potential - and won't. 99.999% of people never achieve their true potential. The key to not regretting this is knowing it in the first place - and understanding it.
And the reason is?
Another one from the 'I give up or I won't bother because it's too much like hard work' brigade.
Oh, did I forget ... "the World is against me" .. or "I never had the chance"?
To quote Homer Simpson, "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
Ketman - sort your love life mate (as publicised on here) its never too late for us fellas.
My main regrets, little ones, but missing the odd thing due to a hangover, like a job interview that would have kept me in Australia (perhaps), most are focussed around that, tend not to drink much anymore, never really agreed with me.
Agree with lookout, the constant strive to achieve perfection often clouds things, regrets are for what we make them. Human will make mistakes that's how we learn. It's down to what extent those mistakes our.
Me personally I have not had to many regrets. Because deep down I believe everything happens for a reason we can control our path but at the end of the path we will all meet every single time.
Mine, not pushing myself to achieve more than I have, made a huge mistake financially which I will spend the next couple of years sorting out and I have a tendancy to be a lazy ***. I should be working now but I'm currently in starbucks.
On the plus side, I'm newly married and I love Maria more than life itself.
I think I regret not spending enough time with my Grandparents over the last few years. Luckily they're all still alive so it means I can actually do something about it, but they're all getting on, it's just hard to find time to fit everything in nowadays.
1) My dad was the greatest - I mean that. But when I was younger I felt he gave up too much for the family - as soon as my sister was born he stopped doing anything other than work that didn't involve the family - for example he stopped playing cricket and stopped playing the violin. I was determined that I would be just as great a dad, but that I would not give up my hobbies. Fact is you can't have it all and I regret not being more focussed on my kids.
2) I worked away from home for nearly 3 years when the kids were young - if I had my time again I wouldn't do that.
3) Not believing in myself and my abilities enough.
I always thought that ''live for the day'' and all that was the way to go. I had this approach when i was 20. Im now 26, in a job i dont really like and in a bit of debt, no motor and still living at home. Basically im still suffering for decisions i made 5 years ago.
Did i have a good time?....f*ck yeah. Do i regret it?..possibly. If i was that little bit more mature in my decision making then who knows where id be now.
I think you really have to find a balance when you are that age.
seperating from my missus......the single biggest regret of my life and one I would still remedy if I could, (currently) most stressful time of my life
not easy with a kid either and that's the worst part, not seeing her every day.
I would say my biggest regret is taking so long to work out what I really want from my career. After years of never really settling it took the death of a loved one to make me think about what I wanted to do.
Chin up VG, so far you've told us you're spent sunday night in watching tv on your own, you don't like your job, you're skint, have no car and live with your parents.
BUT...........you're newly single, and only 26 so your life is hardly over mate. Get out there and enjoy yourself, what's the point of regrets at 26?! If you were 46 then i'd understand.
My post last night was related to the 'be all you can be' attitude that pervades in society. It's a Yankism - much like 'the power of positive thinking' and is one of the things responsible for the selfishness of society as a whole. Sadly, because of the capitalist, consumer-based culture in which we live, 'be all you can be' is either complete bullshit (hard to 'be all you can be' when you have no f***ing money, for instance) or invariably involves outrageous fortune (being born as the heir to a fortune, a lottery win, massive lawsuit payout etc) or battering everyone else down to 'get ahead'. Just because 'you' might go through life with the attitude that 'the best you can be' is the most important thing, doesn't mean it's an attitude that everyone needs (or wants) to subscribe to.
There are many things I haven't fulfilled my potential in. I played ice hockey when I was young - and was pretty good at it. I never 'fulfilled my potential' in that - partly because I f***ed my ACL at 16, but also partly because i wasn't fast enough, or big enough, or strong enough. I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second.
Those are just two examples - I'm sure if I sat here for long enough I could come up with more. The point is, 'regret' is a word often used by people who see it as some sort of an implicit admission of failure. I don't fail - I make choices. It's those choices which define me, not 'regrets'.
[cite]Posted By: Leroy Ambrose[/cite]My post last night was related to the 'be all you can be' attitude that pervades in society. It's a Yankism - much like 'the power of positive thinking' and is one of the things responsible for the selfishness of society as a whole. Sadly, because of the capitalist, consumer-based culture in which we live, 'be all you can be' is either complete bullshit (hard to 'be all you can be' when you have no f***ing money, for instance) or invariably involves outrageous fortune (being born as the heir to a fortune, a lottery win, massive lawsuit payout etc) or battering everyone else down to 'get ahead'. Just because 'you' might go through life with the attitude that 'the best you can be' is the most important thing, doesn't mean it's an attitude that everyone needs (or wants) to subscribe to.
There are many things I haven't fulfilled my potential in. I played ice hockey when I was young - and was pretty good at it. I never 'fulfilled my potential' in that - partly because I f***ed my ACL at 16, but also partly because i wasn't fast enough, or big enough, or strong enough. I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second.
Those are just two examples - I'm sure if I sat here for long enough I could come up with more. The point is, 'regret' is a word often used by people who see it as some sort of an implicit admission of failure. I don't fail - I make choices. It's those choices which define me, not 'regrets'.
[cite]Posted By: Chris_from_Sidcup[/cite]Chin up VG, so far you've told us you're spent sunday night in watching tv on your own, you don't like your job, you're skint, have no car and live with your parents.
BUT...........you're newly single, and only 26 so your life is hardly over mate. Get out there and enjoy yourself, what's the point of regrets at 26?! If you were 46 then i'd understand.
I know mate, im not in depression just yet. Just thought id offer my opinion when it comes to people saying ''live for the moment and enjoy yourself''. If only it was as easy as that!
I do wish I'd spent less time dreaming up plans and schemes and a bit more time getting on with them.
Oh well. I can't complain really. It's been a bloody good life so far and it's only going to get better with another little Charlton supporter due to arrive in a few months.
[cite]Posted By: Leroy Ambrose[/cite] I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second
Life gives us opertunities-- some we take some we dont. Its always easier to think ofthe things we havnt done/achieved than all the things we have done.
I know i have been shit lucky with a hell of alot of stuff, could have done more ? maybe but at the age of 50+ im pretty pleased with the overall plus points rather than the negative.
wild oats stuff ? been there seen it done it sold the pics etc etc. work made a good few quid , paid the mortgage off, missed one or two opertunities, took a lot and not many blew up on me. met a lady who changed my life, who will never know how much she means to me. had a few run ins with the boys in blue, but even that is an experience--- surely thats is isnt it ? life is about the experience-- the journey-- the people u meet(even the arseholes).
If i have hurt people alongthe way well then yes i suppose i regret that i have ( unless they are Gooners--Ken Livingston--Blair --Brown etc they they can f**k right off !!)
mine's about acting differently for once and regretting it, forever.
It's re my Nan. About 15 years ago now but she was a good age (early 90s) but had suffered a stroke and was in hospital and I went to see her before I went on holiday. She was blind anyway but this time I went to see her she couldn't speak either (due to the stroke) and so we chatted, well I chatted, and she nodded and stuff and then as I left her I remembered that my Mum has said my nan had caught a throat infection and for some reason...and this is what I will regret forever...I didn't give her a normal kiss as I would have done, and had done 1000s of times before, I decided to kiss the top of her head :o(
What she thought about it I can only imagine but the next thing saw her do was take her hand to her head, where I'd kissed it, and then pretend to wipe it off and then placed it onto her lips. I said my goodbyes but as soon as I left the hospital I felt like crying (and do now too). When I got back from my holiday, she was gone, and that shitty decision making was my last contact with a lady I loved so much.
What was I thinking? I was 25, in the peak of life, what was a fcuking throat infection going to do to me? Oh well...I will never forget it, I just hope she forgives me.
We all have regrets - but true regrets, I'm not sure it's hindsight or maturity that gives us those regrets.
I regret that despite being a cocky little twat as a kid that when the opportunity to move to America on a "soccer" scholarship - half paid for and half sponsored by a friend of my Dad's that I said no, as I didn't want to put my Dad in a position that if I hated it there and came home early, that he'd be in debt to a friend of his.
Now I'm a father, I know that I'd do anything for my kids and that my Dad, although he's never said anything and never would do, was probably crying out for me to take that chance in life as we all dream of giving our kids every possible opportunity going.
Ever since I worked out as an adult what a stupid waste of an opportunity I missed out on, I've worked my nuts off to ensure that however risky something is, if I think I can do it, I do it and make it work out - to the best of my ability.
I was 16 and I bottled it and ever since I realised that, I've not bottled anything else.....
Thanks for sharing shamkat, I'm sure your Nan knew how much you loved her and that one moment will never take away from that.
I realise most of the posts on this thread have been quite deep and serious, but I'm very lucky, I guess.
My biggest regret is when I was 17 myself and two mates went to Denmark (30 years ago).
For the younger generation this was in the days that porn was not freely available.
We had a choice to go see either Deep Throat or a film called Bilitis at the movies.
My mates wanted Deep Throat but I talked them into Bilitis which was the crappest porn I have ever seen. Boy I took some stick for that decision: known as "Deepthroat" for a while but luckily it didn't stick!!
Comments
So maybe we're confusing 'achieving your potential' with perfectionism.
I agree that there is always room for improvement and, if that is what Leroy meant, I stand corrected.
Maybe what I'm suggesting is about getting as close as possible to realising your full potential and not being content to hide behind excuses.
Is that more accurate?
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes it was my way
We were playing Arsenal away and were 2-0 up at half time. I was told I was coming on for the second half to play in goal. I had a slight groin strain so said I'd better not.
That afternoon I went to watch my Sunday side play in a cup game. They only had 10 men and no reserve goalie so i played and kicked with my left foot. Sadly I played a blinder and a scout was there. He reported back to Charlton and they realised I was already on their books.
The following Tuesday, after Charlton training I was called in to the coaches office (John Cartwright) and told I was being released as "this isn't the attitude of player we are looking for"
I was told I had potential for 2nd or 3rd division but they were looking for Premier league potential.
If i hadn't played in that cup game - or if i'd had a stinker - who knows what could have been
:-(
Personally. Never knowing my Dad ( died when I was 8)
Charlton. I think they achieved everything I could hope for in my lifetime. Maybe a big final win would have been nice. No, I wasn't around the last time.[/quote]
Similar regret to T.C.E. My Dad walked out when I was a few months old back in the 60s when single parent families were very much in the minority. In my forties now and I still think quite a bit about how it could have been. It's definitely given me a slight cynical and cautious approach to life. Upside to it though is that I've always made sure that I've been there for my own kids every step of the way and all of them are Addicks to boot so I can't have done to bad a job.
many mistakes and things i may have done differantly, but you move on .
Life they say is a journey but it isnt a straight line.
To quote Homer Simpson, "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
My main regrets, little ones, but missing the odd thing due to a hangover, like a job interview that would have kept me in Australia (perhaps), most are focussed around that, tend not to drink much anymore, never really agreed with me.
Me personally I have not had to many regrets. Because deep down I believe everything happens for a reason we can control our path but at the end of the path we will all meet every single time.
On the plus side, I'm newly married and I love Maria more than life itself.
You're not that old Kets!!!
1) My dad was the greatest - I mean that. But when I was younger I felt he gave up too much for the family - as soon as my sister was born he stopped doing anything other than work that didn't involve the family - for example he stopped playing cricket and stopped playing the violin. I was determined that I would be just as great a dad, but that I would not give up my hobbies. Fact is you can't have it all and I regret not being more focussed on my kids.
2) I worked away from home for nearly 3 years when the kids were young - if I had my time again I wouldn't do that.
3) Not believing in myself and my abilities enough.
I could go on, but I'm sure you're bored already.
I really regret that.
Did i have a good time?....f*ck yeah. Do i regret it?..possibly. If i was that little bit more mature in my decision making then who knows where id be now.
I think you really have to find a balance when you are that age.
not easy with a kid either and that's the worst part, not seeing her every day.
BUT...........you're newly single, and only 26 so your life is hardly over mate. Get out there and enjoy yourself, what's the point of regrets at 26?! If you were 46 then i'd understand.
There are many things I haven't fulfilled my potential in. I played ice hockey when I was young - and was pretty good at it. I never 'fulfilled my potential' in that - partly because I f***ed my ACL at 16, but also partly because i wasn't fast enough, or big enough, or strong enough. I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second.
Those are just two examples - I'm sure if I sat here for long enough I could come up with more. The point is, 'regret' is a word often used by people who see it as some sort of an implicit admission of failure. I don't fail - I make choices. It's those choices which define me, not 'regrets'.
Totally agree with all of that.
I know mate, im not in depression just yet. Just thought id offer my opinion when it comes to people saying ''live for the moment and enjoy yourself''. If only it was as easy as that!
Still, SW4 to look forward to next month!
Oh well. I can't complain really. It's been a bloody good life so far and it's only going to get better with another little Charlton supporter due to arrive in a few months.
Absolutely spot on Leroy!
I know i have been shit lucky with a hell of alot of stuff, could have done more ? maybe but at the age of 50+ im pretty pleased with the overall plus points rather than the negative.
wild oats stuff ? been there seen it done it sold the pics etc etc.
work made a good few quid , paid the mortgage off, missed one or two opertunities, took a lot and not many blew up on me.
met a lady who changed my life, who will never know how much she means to me.
had a few run ins with the boys in blue, but even that is an experience--- surely thats is isnt it ? life is about the experience-- the journey-- the people u meet(even the arseholes).
If i have hurt people alongthe way well then yes i suppose i regret that i have ( unless they are Gooners--Ken Livingston--Blair --Brown etc they they can f**k right off !!)
It's re my Nan. About 15 years ago now but she was a good age (early 90s) but had suffered a stroke and was in hospital and I went to see her before I went on holiday. She was blind anyway but this time I went to see her she couldn't speak either (due to the stroke) and so we chatted, well I chatted, and she nodded and stuff and then as I left her I remembered that my Mum has said my nan had caught a throat infection and for some reason...and this is what I will regret forever...I didn't give her a normal kiss as I would have done, and had done 1000s of times before, I decided to kiss the top of her head :o(
What she thought about it I can only imagine but the next thing saw her do was take her hand to her head, where I'd kissed it, and then pretend to wipe it off and then placed it onto her lips. I said my goodbyes but as soon as I left the hospital I felt like crying (and do now too). When I got back from my holiday, she was gone, and that shitty decision making was my last contact with a lady I loved so much.
What was I thinking? I was 25, in the peak of life, what was a fcuking throat infection going to do to me? Oh well...I will never forget it, I just hope she forgives me.
I regret that despite being a cocky little twat as a kid that when the opportunity to move to America on a "soccer" scholarship - half paid for and half sponsored by a friend of my Dad's that I said no, as I didn't want to put my Dad in a position that if I hated it there and came home early, that he'd be in debt to a friend of his.
Now I'm a father, I know that I'd do anything for my kids and that my Dad, although he's never said anything and never would do, was probably crying out for me to take that chance in life as we all dream of giving our kids every possible opportunity going.
Ever since I worked out as an adult what a stupid waste of an opportunity I missed out on, I've worked my nuts off to ensure that however risky something is, if I think I can do it, I do it and make it work out - to the best of my ability.
I was 16 and I bottled it and ever since I realised that, I've not bottled anything else.....
I realise most of the posts on this thread have been quite deep and serious, but I'm very lucky, I guess.
My biggest regret is when I was 17 myself and two mates went to Denmark (30 years ago).
For the younger generation this was in the days that porn was not freely available.
We had a choice to go see either Deep Throat or a film called Bilitis at the movies.
My mates wanted Deep Throat but I talked them into Bilitis which was the crappest porn I have ever seen.
Boy I took some stick for that decision: known as "Deepthroat" for a while but luckily it didn't stick!!