Some lovely and harrowing thoughts shared here....been an interesting read and I too had a lump in my throat regarding the 2 "Nan" stories.
My biggest regret in life was the way I ended my first marriage......In reality it had been over for a few years but I took the chickens way out and started playing away and inevitably got found out. The hurt and suffering I caused will stay with me forever, and I have to say that Im ashamed of the way I behaved (and that feeling wont ever fade). The sheer number of peoples lives that my actions affected didnt dawn on me at the time, but believe me when I say that I should have known better.I still blame myself for not being man enough to end my first marriage in a proper and civil fashion and thats something that I have to live with, and its a bigger burden than any monetary matters, so I gave my ex everything, hoping she would use it to ensure that my kids didnt want for anything, and yes the cynical amongst you will see guilt money written all over it.
I got my come uppance however, as the woman I left home for was, along with her husband, a scam artist, and they took me for £250,000, all this in under a year, I ended up suffering from severe stress and after being ill for six weeks during which time I didnt eat much, I didnt sleep much, I was diagnosed with depression. Luckily and without the aid of anti depressants, I managed to get over my period of bad health during which time I lost over 4 stone in weight.
I dont have any regrets about the money however.....a little bitterness to start with, which over the last 4 years I had managed to bury.
However my nightmare continues...they say things come back to bite you on your arse, dont they? and all these years later, I find myself now being sued for a very similar amount $300,000 in fact....again its down to the actions of the scam artist and her Policeman husband and my trusting nature.
Do I feel sorry for myself? No.....Do I feel sorry for all the people my actions have affected...hell yes, the shame of it all is at times suffocating, and at the same time humiliating, but I only have myself to blame.
However, Im lucky enough to have found a second good woman, who adds much stability to my life and especially now given that we stand to lose much, and I guess Im facing bankruptcy, all due to anothers dishonesty and fraudulent actions from a time before I actually knew her....to have that kind of support is, believe me..... priceless.
The moral here? well for me the best advice I could hand down to my kids is....always, always be honest and do the right thing by those close to you, no matter what the circumstances, and never, ever play away.
I have a few big regrets, two were not my fault and the last was mine, I regret that my Dad died when I was 18 months old, and I never got to know him at all, I have no memories of him, just photo's and the knowledge that he enjoyed playing cricket, watching football and was a great dad, my other was not being there when my mother passed away, I knew she was ill but my older brothers did not feel at 24 I could cope with knowing my mum was dying, so the Sunday she died I was at Biggin Hill with BDL, it was without a shadow of a doubt the saddest day of my life, my other regret may seem a little less than this, but her name was Sharon, and she was the biggest mistake of my life, BLD will concur. The bottom line is life is for living, and its better to look forward than back, I try to be optimistic, but there have been times I have been in some dark places, but despite everything, these are my only 3 regrets I have.
Like Tel, I did not handle my marriage break up very well, in fact I was a class A pratt! But that was 7 years ago, I missed not seeing my kids every day. But now I see them all the time, so thats that sorted out, they dont seem to have come out of it any the worse, we often speak about it, they adore my new partner, which is great. When I am in a reflective mood a wave of regret comes over me, but I counter that with the fact that the boys are happy, well balanced, great sense of humour and have a healthy outlook on life, I am the luckiest bloke alive!!
Its been said that no one on their death bed has ever said 'I wish I spent more time in the office'.
I have allways borne this in mind throughout my life.
On a personal basis, I have acheived many things in my life that some people can only dream about (this isnt the boast of a madman), these are not career based or driven by money, but ambitions that I wanted to persue. I have acheived them all, and I still have one or two that I am saving for later life, all things being equal I will meet them and tick them off the list.
People I have read this post with great interest. It makes a change to hear about peoples life's instead of Charlton's downturn in luck. At the age of 28 I do not have many regrets to be honest as I believe you should always look ahead. I am very fortunate to have a great family life and friends.
I do believe that things do happen for a reason and it really is exciting to think that people down on their luck could be looking back in a years time in a much better place.
I have just come out of a messy relationship and knew for a year it was not working, but us guys always take the easy route and just keep plodding along. I have now been single for two months and I am absolutely loving it.
The one thing that has been consistent in making me happy is Charlton....it is very much like a relationship you may hate them at times but you cant choose who you fall in love with.
This post has really been a great read and it is a pleasure that you are all mighty Charlton fans! Come on you reds!
[cite]Posted By: robroy[/cite]People I have read this post with great interest. It makes a change to hear about peoples life's instead of Charlton's downturn in luck.
I have just come out of a messy relationship and knew for a year it was not working, but us guys always take the easy route and just keep plodding along. I have now been single for two months and I am absolutely loving it.
The one thing that has been consistent in making me happy is Charlton....it is very much like a relationship you may hate them at times but you cant choose who you fall in love with.
This post has really been a great read and it is a pleasure that you are all mighty Charlton fans! Come on you reds!
Your welcome robroy the brains behind the operation.
It's really good to hear how every has had moments in life they reflect on and let's hope sharing experiances can make us see how important life really is to those closest to us.
I have one huge regret in life that has been very difficult for me to come to terms with. I have psyched myself up to finally admit it publicly and hope that doing so will be cathartic. My first ever football match wasn't at the Valley ... it was at Sellout Park.
[cite]Posted By: robroy[/cite]The one thing that has been consistent in making me happyright fooked off is Charlton....it is very much like a relationship you may hate them at times but you cant choose who you fall in love with.
[cite]Posted By: robroy[/cite]The one thing that has been consistent in making me[strike]happy[/strike]right fooked off is Charlton....it is very much like a relationship you may hate them at times but you cant choose who you fall in love with.
As someone pointed out already .........life is not really about regrets, just about choices.
There's not one of us that has made a choice that later turned out to be wrong.
Like everyone else, there's been pain in my life - and deep in my heart, some of it is still there.
I wish to the bottom of my heart I had never married the woman I did, and 20 years after I finally found the courage to leave her, the chaos from that has ramifications still.
At the time we all do things for what we think is for the best, but leaving behind my kids, aged 3 and 6 was heart rending.
Afterwards I tried so hard to be there for them and eventually won joint custody - a legal decision that caused my ex-wife to up her levels of malice and spite, using the children as pawns in her emotional warfare against me.
I won't go into detail - but you can imagine the impact on our children. At the age of 8, our son begged me to take him away from his mother, but she wouldn't communicate with me. Eventually the situation got so bad that she sent a message for me to come to her house for a crisis meeting round her kitchen table with her new husband and the children, (the only time I was ever allowed into her house). She just raged and spewed out abuse, while her new husband and me sat quietly and said nothing. The children were in tears. Then my boy, just 8 years old, stood up and said very calmly, "I hate it here, please let me live with you Daddy?"
She screamed at him, "Go and live with your fucking father, then - and don't come back!" She packed a suitcase of his things within minutes, and slammed the door behind us both as we left.
My boy is 23 now, and still lives with me. It hasn't been an easy time but we got by.
He couldn't read, so I taught him myself at the age of 9 with the aid of the Beano comic and lots of laughing - and despite educational difficulties, he won an apprenticeship at 17 and is now a qualified shipwright, working on the construction of an 80 foot luxury yacht. And he earns more money than I do, lol
Our 11 year old daughter......? Her mother had turned on her, "I suppose you're clearing off too?"
She said simply, "I don't want to leave my friends", and ran up to her room in tears.
My daughter hasn't spoken to me since.
She's 26 now.
I regret telling my brother (my only sibling) what I thought of his wife (by email of all things), as he hasn't spoken to me since (nearly 3 years now) and rebuffs all efforts I make.
Sure it was all 'true' and she's been on the wind up for the last 20 years or so, but I still regret saying it cos til then we were pretty close, plus we were also separated when young between divorced parents as my mum couldn't cope with him - I guess one can be wrong about a lot of things.
[cite]Posted By: WSS[/cite]I don't understand how anyone wouldnt want to speak to you Oggy. One of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met.
I don't think it's ever too late, and I really hope you have some reconciliations.
I haven't had the privilege of meeting you, but from how you come across on CL I can't imagine anyone not wanting to speak to you either. Hope it works out in the end.
Fortunately my regrets are all small ones. Sure, there's things I've cocked up big time like my education and my career and as a result I either missed opportunities or had to catch up later via more difficult routes. But I don't regret those things because if I'd played things differently I might never have met my wife and had our wonderful family. So my regrets are the little things; the extra pints that have pushed me into hangover territory, the buses I've missed through being tardy and the things I've broken through sheer clumsiness. Nothing to loose sleep over, that's for certain.
Bloody hell Oggy, I was just going to lighten the mood with a (true) story of how I regretted setting fire to the back lawn this afternoon when I read your post. Really sorry to hear of those problems mate, I can only imagine what such a situation is like. Hopefully the quality of life you now experience makes things easier for you and truly hope this first contact is the first step in a reconciliation process.
Thanks, March .......everyone of us has challenges in life to one degree or another.
That was just one of mine.
Anyway, how are you feeling these days .......how's the recovery going, are you getting there now?
And what's all this about setting fire to your garden...????
Come on, erm, can I say .....enlighten us - will that inflame the situation or extinguish it?
My biggest regrets in life are 1. not having children at a younger age and 2. Getting credit cards. I'm still suffering the consequences 25 years after taking out my first cards. Credit card companies are legalised extortion run by thieving bastards and i will urge my two sons NEVER to get one.
Sorry for the delay in replying Oggy but this old steam powered computer keeps blowing gaskets. Thanks for the interest in how I'm getting on, really it's the eyes that are still the main problem: I'm told it's the 'upper right quadrant' that's not doing it's stuff in each eye and it's just a matter of time. It means I can see only half of the TV screen which makes watching tram videos trickey! Also I'm still off work as Mercs aren't too keen on half blind delivery drivers.. The diabetes they found is under control and they're investigating the irregular heart beat: 12 pills a day are keeping me going ( I suppose I should regret all that Talisker and Vino Collapso), Now to the garden.
I'm going stir crazy at home so yesterday I thought I'd have a bonfire to get rid of old bits of tree and other stuff that's been lying about. I piled it up on my bonfire site, scrunched up some newspaper, struck a match and WHOOMF, it was so dry it flred up like a rocket. However, because of my impaired vision I didn't notice bits of flaming newspaper being carried up, up and away on the breeze and landing on the lawn behind me and setting it alight. Luckily Mrs.M saw the spreading flames from the kitchen window and charged down the garden with a saucepan of water. I tried stamping on the flames and succeded in setting my trainers on fire, but then found a bucket and made several trips from the tap to put the conflagration out. As I sat on a garden chair surveying the smouldering scene I did indeed regret the decision to have a bonfire in the middle of a drought.
[cite]Posted By: March51[/cite]I'm going stir crazy at home so yesterday I thought I'd have a bonfire to get rid of old bits of tree and other stuff that's been lying about. I piled it up on my bonfire site, scrunched up some newspaper, struck a match and WHOOMF, it was so dry it flred up like a rocket. However, because of my impaired vision I didn't notice bits of flaming newspaper being carried up, up and away on the breeze and landing on the lawn behind me and setting it alight. Luckily Mrs.M saw the spreading flames from the kitchen window and charged down the garden with a saucepan of water. I tried stamping on the flames and succeded in setting my trainers on fire, but then found a bucket and made several trips from the tap to put the conflagration out. As I sat on a garden chair surveying the smouldering scene I did indeed regret the decision to have a bonfire in a drought
I suppose it wasn't funny for you at the time, March me old China ......but your story read like pure farce. You couldn't make it up!
Must have been scary at the time ......I've got this mental picture of you dancing manicly on your lawn trying to put out smouldering grass with flaming trainers on your feet. Sorry if it made me laugh reading it.
I bet you needed a nice cup of tea afterwards. Or Talisker.
Good to hear you're on the mend, bit by bit and hope the eyes get sorted soon.
I bet the missus won't let you loose in the garden again for a while!
Thanks Oggy, and me an ex-Health & Safety bloke to boot! The punch-line really is that the hospital rigged me up with a 72 hour heart monitor yesterday morning so heaven knows what sort of readings they'll get from my mad dashes up and down the garden! I'll probably be in for a three way by-pass next week.
Comments
My biggest regret in life was the way I ended my first marriage......In reality it had been over for a few years but I took the chickens way out and started playing away and inevitably got found out. The hurt and suffering I caused will stay with me forever, and I have to say that Im ashamed of the way I behaved (and that feeling wont ever fade). The sheer number of peoples lives that my actions affected didnt dawn on me at the time, but believe me when I say that I should have known better.I still blame myself for not being man enough to end my first marriage in a proper and civil fashion and thats something that I have to live with, and its a bigger burden than any monetary matters, so I gave my ex everything, hoping she would use it to ensure that my kids didnt want for anything, and yes the cynical amongst you will see guilt money written all over it.
I got my come uppance however, as the woman I left home for was, along with her husband, a scam artist, and they took me for £250,000, all this in under a year, I ended up suffering from severe stress and after being ill for six weeks during which time I didnt eat much, I didnt sleep much, I was diagnosed with depression. Luckily and without the aid of anti depressants, I managed to get over my period of bad health during which time I lost over 4 stone in weight.
I dont have any regrets about the money however.....a little bitterness to start with, which over the last 4 years I had managed to bury.
However my nightmare continues...they say things come back to bite you on your arse, dont they? and all these years later, I find myself now being sued for a very similar amount $300,000 in fact....again its down to the actions of the scam artist and her Policeman husband and my trusting nature.
Do I feel sorry for myself? No.....Do I feel sorry for all the people my actions have affected...hell yes, the shame of it all is at times suffocating, and at the same time humiliating, but I only have myself to blame.
However, Im lucky enough to have found a second good woman, who adds much stability to my life and especially now given that we stand to lose much, and I guess Im facing bankruptcy, all due to anothers dishonesty and fraudulent actions from a time before I actually knew her....to have that kind of support is, believe me..... priceless.
The moral here? well for me the best advice I could hand down to my kids is....always, always be honest and do the right thing by those close to you, no matter what the circumstances, and never, ever play away.
The bottom line is life is for living, and its better to look forward than back, I try to be optimistic, but there have been times I have been in some dark places, but despite everything, these are my only 3 regrets I have.
Like Tel, I did not handle my marriage break up very well, in fact I was a class A pratt! But that was 7 years ago, I missed not seeing my kids every day. But now I see them all the time, so thats that sorted out, they dont seem to have come out of it any the worse, we often speak about it, they adore my new partner, which is great. When I am in a reflective mood a wave of regret comes over me, but I counter that with the fact that the boys are happy, well balanced, great sense of humour and have a healthy outlook on life, I am the luckiest bloke alive!!
Its been said that no one on their death bed has ever said 'I wish I spent more time in the office'.
I have allways borne this in mind throughout my life.
On a personal basis, I have acheived many things in my life that some people can only dream about (this isnt the boast of a madman), these are not career based or driven by money, but ambitions that I wanted to persue. I have acheived them all, and I still have one or two that I am saving for later life, all things being equal I will meet them and tick them off the list.
Regrets? Yes, happy? you bet I am!!
I do believe that things do happen for a reason and it really is exciting to think that people down on their luck could be looking back in a years time in a much better place.
I have just come out of a messy relationship and knew for a year it was not working, but us guys always take the easy route and just keep plodding along. I have now been single for two months and I am absolutely loving it.
The one thing that has been consistent in making me happy is Charlton....it is very much like a relationship you may hate them at times but you cant choose who you fall in love with.
This post has really been a great read and it is a pleasure that you are all mighty Charlton fans! Come on you reds!
Your welcome robroy
It's really good to hear how every has had moments in life they reflect on and let's hope sharing experiances can make us see how important life really is to those closest to us.
(Lights cigar and walks out of room)
Armen.
There's not one of us that has made a choice that later turned out to be wrong.
Like everyone else, there's been pain in my life - and deep in my heart, some of it is still there.
I wish to the bottom of my heart I had never married the woman I did, and 20 years after I finally found the courage to leave her, the chaos from that has ramifications still.
At the time we all do things for what we think is for the best, but leaving behind my kids, aged 3 and 6 was heart rending.
Afterwards I tried so hard to be there for them and eventually won joint custody - a legal decision that caused my ex-wife to up her levels of malice and spite, using the children as pawns in her emotional warfare against me.
I won't go into detail - but you can imagine the impact on our children. At the age of 8, our son begged me to take him away from his mother, but she wouldn't communicate with me. Eventually the situation got so bad that she sent a message for me to come to her house for a crisis meeting round her kitchen table with her new husband and the children, (the only time I was ever allowed into her house). She just raged and spewed out abuse, while her new husband and me sat quietly and said nothing. The children were in tears. Then my boy, just 8 years old, stood up and said very calmly, "I hate it here, please let me live with you Daddy?"
She screamed at him, "Go and live with your fucking father, then - and don't come back!" She packed a suitcase of his things within minutes, and slammed the door behind us both as we left.
My boy is 23 now, and still lives with me. It hasn't been an easy time but we got by.
He couldn't read, so I taught him myself at the age of 9 with the aid of the Beano comic and lots of laughing - and despite educational difficulties, he won an apprenticeship at 17 and is now a qualified shipwright, working on the construction of an 80 foot luxury yacht. And he earns more money than I do, lol
Our 11 year old daughter......? Her mother had turned on her, "I suppose you're clearing off too?"
She said simply, "I don't want to leave my friends", and ran up to her room in tears.
My daughter hasn't spoken to me since.
She's 26 now.
I hear she doesnt speak to her mother either.
Thanks, RobRoy ..... but for 15 years she's rebuffed all my efforts.
And I can't think of anything else I can do.
Just recently though, she made contact with her brother by Facebook, so maybe if they can meet up then maybe she will soften a little.
I live in hope.
don't give up mate, hopefully if she sees her brother it will be the stepping stone.
I don't think it's ever too late, and I really hope you have some reconciliations.
Kind words - much appreciated.
Sure it was all 'true' and she's been on the wind up for the last 20 years or so, but I still regret saying it cos til then we were pretty close, plus we were also separated when young between divorced parents as my mum couldn't cope with him - I guess one can be wrong about a lot of things.
I haven't had the privilege of meeting you, but from how you come across on CL I can't imagine anyone not wanting to speak to you either. Hope it works out in the end.
Fortunately my regrets are all small ones. Sure, there's things I've cocked up big time like my education and my career and as a result I either missed opportunities or had to catch up later via more difficult routes. But I don't regret those things because if I'd played things differently I might never have met my wife and had our wonderful family. So my regrets are the little things; the extra pints that have pushed me into hangover territory, the buses I've missed through being tardy and the things I've broken through sheer clumsiness. Nothing to loose sleep over, that's for certain.
That was just one of mine.
Anyway, how are you feeling these days .......how's the recovery going, are you getting there now?
And what's all this about setting fire to your garden...????
Come on, erm, can I say .....enlighten us - will that inflame the situation or extinguish it?
;o)
I've never been to Scunthorpe.
I have, but I don't regret going there - we won 2-0!
(The game was played at the Old Show Ground........Theo was manager back then).
that's not doing it's stuff in each eye and it's just a matter of time. It means I can see only half of the TV screen which makes watching tram videos trickey! Also I'm still off work as Mercs aren't too keen on half blind delivery drivers.. The diabetes they found is under control and they're investigating the irregular heart beat: 12 pills a day are keeping me going ( I suppose I should regret all that Talisker and Vino Collapso), Now to the garden.
I'm going stir crazy at home so yesterday I thought I'd have a bonfire to get rid of old bits of tree and other stuff that's been lying about. I piled it up on my bonfire site, scrunched up some newspaper, struck a match and WHOOMF, it was so dry it flred up like a rocket. However, because of my impaired vision I didn't notice bits of flaming newspaper being carried up, up and away on the breeze and landing on the lawn behind me and setting it alight. Luckily Mrs.M saw the spreading flames from the kitchen window and charged down the garden with a saucepan of water. I tried stamping on the flames and succeded in setting my trainers on fire, but then found a bucket and made several trips from the tap to put the conflagration out. As I sat on a garden chair surveying the smouldering scene I did indeed regret the decision to have a bonfire in the middle of a drought.
I suppose it wasn't funny for you at the time, March me old China ......but your story read like pure farce. You couldn't make it up!
Must have been scary at the time ......I've got this mental picture of you dancing manicly on your lawn trying to put out smouldering grass with flaming trainers on your feet. Sorry if it made me laugh reading it.
I bet you needed a nice cup of tea afterwards. Or Talisker.
Good to hear you're on the mend, bit by bit and hope the eyes get sorted soon.
I bet the missus won't let you loose in the garden again for a while!