I think its about degree of regret, all this poetic stuff about being all you can be and all that is about higher stuff, and very noble it is too, but I simply don't believe that anyone (with an IQ higher than Vikki Pollard) has no regrets. They might be silly and insignificant, but they are still regrets. I for one regret giving my tickets away for the 4-2 game at Highbury...
[quote][cite]Posted By: Leroy Ambrose[/cite]My post last night was related to the 'be all you can be' attitude that pervades in society. It's a Yankism - much like 'the power of positive thinking' and is one of the things responsible for the selfishness of society as a whole. Sadly, because of the capitalist, consumer-based culture in which we live, 'be all you can be' is either complete bullshit (hard to 'be all you can be' when you have no f***ing money, for instance) or invariably involves outrageous fortune (being born as the heir to a fortune, a lottery win, massive lawsuit payout etc) or battering everyone else down to 'get ahead'. Just because 'you' might go through life with the attitude that 'the best you can be' is the most important thing, doesn't mean it's an attitude that everyone needs (or wants) to subscribe to.
There are many things I haven't fulfilled my potential in. I played ice hockey when I was young - and was pretty good at it. I never 'fulfilled my potential' in that - partly because I f***ed my ACL at 16, but also partly because i wasn't fast enough, or big enough, or strong enough. I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second.
Those are just two examples - I'm sure if I sat here for long enough I could come up with more. The point is, 'regret' is a word often used by people who see it as some sort of an implicit admission of failure. I don't fail - I make choices. It's those choices which define me, not 'regrets'.[/quote]
Understood.
But we'll agree to differ on that then. Fulfilling your potential is not a Yankism. Nor does it necessarily take money or privilege, although those things can often help.
It takes courage, confidence, attitude. I respect your view that you make choices. I do not respect those who hide behind excuses to cover up their lack of energy and commitment. For me, that is a greater sin of society than the type of world that you described.
At the age of 13 I delayed telling anyone I had a problem with my hip (having had treatment before). This resulted in me having a couple of operations that could have been avoided, the last one being the removal of part of the hip and replacing it with a titanium bolt. I had too much growing to do and wear and tear for a proper hip replacement to last longer than a year or so and would obviously need many further operations. My leg is two inches shorter than the other and moves by the pelvis rocking on the base of my spine. I don't regret the way my life has turned out but there is always that nagging wonderment about 'what if...'
I've always had a problem distinguishing between regrets and the thought that comes to all of us at various times that the grass is always greener when things are going badly.
The thing is it is distinctly possible that had life panned out differently the good things of now may never have happened or be happening so does that negate possible wrong decisions or regrets? Who knows!
At the end of the day if you have health, happiness and enough wealth to get by in the present you are probably doing ok.
I've come to the conclusion that too many people are dissatisfied because they allow themselves to be influenced by what others think they should be doing, wearing, looking like etc rather than following their own path and instincts. Women and their perpetual diets are an example of what I mean when invariably they have no need to be insecure about their bodies. They've allowed themselves to be controlled by a sleazy, manipulative media.
There are things I have done and not done which with the benefit of maturity and perhaps hindsight I would probably have done differently. Equally things have been done or not done by others to me but we are where we are and we can only deal with the present, rectify the past where possible and try not to make mistakes again in the future.
A lot of people are claiming that they should have made a different decision. If you did make that decision the chances are you would be on this forum wishing you hadn't. One of the biggest reasons for going to uni was that I knew I would wonder what if if I hadn't, this was at a time when I mistakenly believed that you regret the things you don't do more than the things you regret doing. With hindsight 7 years later and with a hefty loan still to pay off, going there was a mistake. Things aren't as clear cut as they seem.
[cite]Posted By: Friend Or Defoe[/cite]A lot of people are claiming that they should have made a different decision. If you did make that decision the chances are you would be on this forum wishing you hadn't. One of the biggest reasons for going to uni was that I knew I would wonderwhat ifif I hadn't. With hindsight 7 years later and with a hefty loan still to pay off, going there was a mistake. You can't win!
OK you are in debt which is stressful as I know only too well.
BUT you have a degree which, despite disparaging comments in the media, is still a worthwhile achievement even if it doesn't give you an automatic passport to be a big shot and make loads of dosh.
The non-academic side is worthwhile too. I'm sure you enjoyed yourself socially, perhaps played some sport and travelled during the vacations. Quality of life is not all about money is it?
[cite]Posted By: Friend Or Defoe[/cite]A lot of people are claiming that they should have made a different decision. If you did make that decision the chances are you would be on this forum wishing you hadn't. One of the biggest reasons for going to uni was that I knew I would wonderwhat ifif I hadn't. With hindsight 7 years later and with a hefty loan still to pay off, going there was a mistake. You can't win!
OK you are in debt which is stressful as I know only too well.
BUT you have a degree which, despite disparaging comments in the media, is still a worthwhile achievement even if it doesn't give you an automatic passport to be a big shot and make loads of dosh.
The non-academic side is worthwhile too. I'm sure you enjoyed yourself socially, perhaps played some sport and travelled during the vacations. Quality of life is not all about money is it?
Currently my degree is the single biggest achievement in my life, but I put too much in to getting it and it may be why I suffer with apathy now.
Yeah I enjoyed myself and met some great people, but I'm still doing the same now and sadly money does play a serious part in quality of life, although there are many things more important than it.
Conversely I know some people who regard going to uni as the best thing they ever did, horses for courses.
When I was 18: Believing the phrase "Don't worry, if you fall, I'll catch you"
When I was 21: Saying "Nah, there's no need to go to Casualty. If it was broken, I wouldn't be able to walk on it, would I?"
2008: Being in such a hurry to get to a training course that I didn't notice a hole in the pavement.
In summary, I regret screwing up several of my joints.
My life in a nutshell.
Dad died when I was 8 (suicide)
Mum married 5 times!!
Left home when I was 14,
Lost touch with my sisters until last year, some 25 + years.
At 15 locked up for a brief spell,
More jobs than I care to mention,
Between 17 and 21 walked around like the world owed me something.
At 24 married the best girl in the world.
Together we have 3 beautiful children and 5 stunning Grandchildren.
Next year we will have been married 30 years.
It could have all been so different had my life spanned out differently in the early years so why have regrets.
But one tiny one if I may. Every bloke wants to hear his Dad say, son you done alright.
But like me he made his choice.
But Dad if your watching, I think I did alright?
And like Weststand, I love my Lady more than Life its self,
but it dont have the same meaning lying on your face inside the front door, with half eaten Donor Kebab hanging out your inside pocket.
Trust me I know ; )
My only real regret is sticking out when I was 16 and getting a Scooter. The accident that I had that broke my leg and both wrists still causes me pain and suffering today, 23 years later.
I will NEVER let my son have a mototbke! My Dad says he said the same thing, but I really mean it.
As for the discussion about reaching your potential and the fact that if you don't you must be a failure? I think life is about choices. Some people sacrifice family life for a career. Some people sacrifice potential career success to spend time with their families. It's strange that some suggest that if you don't achieve all you can (potential) you should have regrets, yet most of the regrets on here seem to be about a small thing that involved loved ones, rather than any potential, or career success.
When one comes to the reconning, I think it is the personal relationships that matter the most, it is that that defines us. That last visit with a grandparent or parent before they die when you could have gone into the office for that deal, or gone out trainaing again to beat that personal best. For me, personally, I think that those that Dave describes as not having that 'courage, confidence, attitude' and have a lack of 'energy and committment', are not hiding behind excuses, they are describing the reasons for their choices.
My Dad was very, very committed to his career, and it was not physically possible for him to be more successful at it. He rose to the highest level that existed for his chosen profession, he earned a very good living, and he retired at 52 with, relatively, more money than he can spend, guaranteed for the rest of his life. He achieved all he could have done, he reached his potential. He had courage, confidence, and the right attitude, he had energy and committment in droves. He has retired now, he's 70 next year, and his biggest regret in life is that he feels as though he missed out on watching his children grow up!
I agree with Leroy Ambrose, the suggestion that 'you can have it all' is rubbish, and it has led to a society that demands everything and is rarely satisified with what they have. Just look at the clamour for a UEFA place in 2005/06; the clamour to spend money we didn't have to win an instant promption back to the Premier Legaue; the clamour to spend more money we didn't have in an attempt to get out of the Third Division. At what point should we have been happy? At what point should he have accepted that we can't actually have it all and been grateful?
OK, looks like I'm in the minority. I can live with that.
It's a pity though that my mantra for achieving personal excellence seems to have been interpreted as a vote for consumerism and greed, but that's what happens with the written word, I guess.
Don't know if anyone remembers this Honda ad from a few years ago, but it conveys the message for me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZo1m2ZUDl8
Next time you switch on the light, or take the lift ... you might want to thank those who were prepared to sail out into uncharted seas in search of the New World ... even if they did end up in America.
My biggest regret is going to university, getting a shed load of debt and a tin pot degree instead of leaving college with my a levels and learning a trade at 18.
That's very interesting nichorob. I'd love to know how many other Graduates consider their education to have been a bad judgement. I'm guessing that you have a decent time while you were there though. If you hadn't left with the debts would you still wish you hadn't gone?
Dave, I think you've hit the nail on the head, the written word can easily be misinterpreted. Personal excellence is certainly something I strive for but I, perhaps, thought you were casting aspirations on those that set themselves more modest targets, so that they can choose to spend more time on other things.
interesting old thread! Dazzler, what was the defining day in your life which you weren't at home for?
I have a similar one to Shamkat where I remember going to visit my Nan ill in Greenwich District Hospital when I was about 10 - I was in a grotty miserable drab hospital on a dark winter night and wanted to go home and remember making a fuss to my mum about could we go home. My old Nan was obviously really ill but putting a brave face on it for me and my little brother, she said to my mum yes you should take them home. My Mum saw her again fortunately, but that was the last time I saw her as she died 3 days later and although I know she wouldn't have minded I have always regretted the fact that her last memory of me was being a whiney little kid rather than positive. I've got over it now as I know I was only a kid but I felt really guilty and ashamed about that throughout my teens.
I'm 24 and I've been to uni and worked for a few years now; enjoyed most of it and don't really have many regrets other than the above (and missing the odd Charlton game which I could've gone to e.g. Arsenal 4-2, Chelsea penalty shoot out win) - but at this stage in my life I find myself worrying about making regrets! I feel like at my age I'm making the calls which could define my life, and don't wanna get to 30/40/50 and look back and regret the decisions I make now. Will I regret (not) travelling more / going abroad to work / leaving my current job? Will I regret letting my previous bird go? Should I take this opportunity should I take that opportunity? Dunno what I really wanna do at this stage / where I wanna go...
[cite]Posted By: paulsturgess[/cite]interesting old thread! Dazzler, what was the defining day in your life which you weren't at home for?
I have a similar one to Shamkat where I remember going to visit my Nan ill in Greenwich District Hospital when I was about 10 - I was in a grotty miserable drab hospital on a dark winter night and wanted to go home and remember making a fuss to my mum about could we go home. My old Nan was obviously really ill but putting a brave face on it for me and my little brother, she said to my mum yes you should take them home. My Mum saw her again fortunately, but that was the last time I saw her as she died 3 days later and although I know she wouldn't have minded I have always regretted the fact that her last memory of me was being a whiney little kid rather than positive. I've got over it now as I know I was only a kid but I felt really guilty and ashamed about that throughout my teens.
I'm 24 and I've been to uni and worked for a few years now; enjoyed most of it and don't really have many regrets other than the above (and missing the odd Charlton game which I could've gone to e.g. Arsenal 4-2, Chelsea penalty shoot out win) - but at this stage in my life I find myself worrying about making regrets! I feel like at my age I'm making the calls which could define my life, and don't wanna get to 30/40/50 and look back and regret the decisions I make now. Will I regret (not) travelling more / going abroad to work / leaving my current job? Will I regret letting my previous bird go? Should I take this opportunity should I take that opportunity? Dunno what I really wanna do at this stage / where I wanna go...
[cite]Posted By: Dazzler21[/cite]Not everyone has the opportunity to change what they end up regretting eternally!
Cut down on the dramatics Dazzler, your attention seeking is embarrassing!
Leave it out FoD. That is a shit comment. Most of us know Dazzler lost his mum at a young age. Im not sure if you have both parents alive but that is the most defining moment of anyones life.
[cite]Posted By: Dazzler21[/cite]Not everyone has the opportunity to change what they end up regretting eternally!
Cut down on the dramatics Dazzler, your attention seeking is embarrassing!
Seriously i keep looking at this. Its not embarrassing. Why can anyone else say their innermost thoughts an dazzler gets slagged off? Wrong.
Cheers B, people who don't know me just assume I'm a typical arrogant early 20's bloke. The original question was what do WE regret most and not being home that day was the single most defining day of my life.
Played in the Southern League in the 80's for Woodford Town and we had a big FA Cup qualifying game away to Basingstoke. My mates persuaded me to go to the Hippodrome the night before. I got home at 5 a.m. pissed and we had to catch the bus at 9 a.m. Needles to say played in front of the biggest crowd I ever played in front of and played a stinker and got subbed after 60 mins and we lost 3-0....heard there were scouts there as well oh well....Also not living in England while my mother went thru cancer treatment is a huge regret although I have flown over 6 times in 2 years.....
As far as everyone else goes moved to USA at end of 80's married a yank and have 2 great kids. I have travelled the world and been failry successful in my career. So apart from the ones above not many more.....
i have hurt people and myself on the way in this ife but it was all for a reason..
i may not know that reason yet but i am sure my life path will take me to it..
i am sorry for those that got hurt but i dont regret what i did..
does that make me a bad person
i guess i am still to find that out
FOD i can understand what dazzler means and maybe i think if you should regret anything then maybe it is that you have lost the ability to have a sense of humility this thread is about individual experience and is not a point scoring opportunity.
surely on a thread like this which it has taken me 3 days to go through as i find this sort of stuff hard to digest, is about real life experiences and none of us have the right to judge or pass negative comments on those experiences
[cite]Posted By: Dazzler21[/cite]Not everyone has the opportunity to change what they end up regretting eternally!
Cut down on the dramatics Dazzler, your attention seeking is embarrassing!
Seriously i keep looking at this. Its not embarrassing. Why can anyone else say their innermost thoughts an dazzler gets slagged off? Wrong.
Cheers B, people who don't know me just assume I'm a typical arrogant early 20's bloke. The original question was what do WE regret most and not being home that day was the single most defining day of my life.
Quite clearly I didn't know that, otherwise I wouldn't have made that comment. If I did know that would make me quite a shity person. If you aren't going to mention it why post on this thread? Looking after my post, I'm not the only person who didn't know.
Comments
There are many things I haven't fulfilled my potential in. I played ice hockey when I was young - and was pretty good at it. I never 'fulfilled my potential' in that - partly because I f***ed my ACL at 16, but also partly because i wasn't fast enough, or big enough, or strong enough. I don't regret it for a second. By now I could easily be working for an F1 racing team, after being headhunted specifically for them, interviewing and being accepted for the role - but had second thoughts and turned them down. That would have taken me round the world, had me leading the way as an expert in the field and given me a salary (and working conditions) most people wouldn't even dream of. I don't regret turning the job down for one second.
Those are just two examples - I'm sure if I sat here for long enough I could come up with more. The point is, 'regret' is a word often used by people who see it as some sort of an implicit admission of failure. I don't fail - I make choices. It's those choices which define me, not 'regrets'.[/quote]
Understood.
But we'll agree to differ on that then. Fulfilling your potential is not a Yankism. Nor does it necessarily take money or privilege, although those things can often help.
It takes courage, confidence, attitude. I respect your view that you make choices. I do not respect those who hide behind excuses to cover up their lack of energy and commitment. For me, that is a greater sin of society than the type of world that you described.
The thing is it is distinctly possible that had life panned out differently the good things of now may never have happened or be happening so does that negate possible wrong decisions or regrets? Who knows!
At the end of the day if you have health, happiness and enough wealth to get by in the present you are probably doing ok.
I've come to the conclusion that too many people are dissatisfied because they allow themselves to be influenced by what others think they should be doing, wearing, looking like etc rather than following their own path and instincts. Women and their perpetual diets are an example of what I mean when invariably they have no need to be insecure about their bodies. They've allowed themselves to be controlled by a sleazy, manipulative media.
There are things I have done and not done which with the benefit of maturity and perhaps hindsight I would probably have done differently. Equally things have been done or not done by others to me but we are where we are and we can only deal with the present, rectify the past where possible and try not to make mistakes again in the future.
OK you are in debt which is stressful as I know only too well.
BUT you have a degree which, despite disparaging comments in the media, is still a worthwhile achievement even if it doesn't give you an automatic passport to be a big shot and make loads of dosh.
The non-academic side is worthwhile too. I'm sure you enjoyed yourself socially, perhaps played some sport and travelled during the vacations. Quality of life is not all about money is it?
Yeah I enjoyed myself and met some great people, but I'm still doing the same now and sadly money does play a serious part in quality of life, although there are many things more important than it.
Conversely I know some people who regard going to uni as the best thing they ever did, horses for courses.
When I was 21: Saying "Nah, there's no need to go to Casualty. If it was broken, I wouldn't be able to walk on it, would I?"
2008: Being in such a hurry to get to a training course that I didn't notice a hole in the pavement.
In summary, I regret screwing up several of my joints.
Never did have the cahonas to ask!
: (
Dad died when I was 8 (suicide)
Mum married 5 times!!
Left home when I was 14,
Lost touch with my sisters until last year, some 25 + years.
At 15 locked up for a brief spell,
More jobs than I care to mention,
Between 17 and 21 walked around like the world owed me something.
At 24 married the best girl in the world.
Together we have 3 beautiful children and 5 stunning Grandchildren.
Next year we will have been married 30 years.
It could have all been so different had my life spanned out differently in the early years so why have regrets.
But one tiny one if I may. Every bloke wants to hear his Dad say, son you done alright.
But like me he made his choice.
But Dad if your watching, I think I did alright?
And like Weststand, I love my Lady more than Life its self,
but it dont have the same meaning lying on your face inside the front door, with half eaten Donor Kebab hanging out your inside pocket.
Trust me I know ; )
Not having the bottle to just do the job i always wanted.
& taking a training session while my Dad was on his last legs in hospital. I missed him passing
:-(
Didn't think the thread would have this much input but I'm glad it has.
I will NEVER let my son have a mototbke! My Dad says he said the same thing, but I really mean it.
As for the discussion about reaching your potential and the fact that if you don't you must be a failure? I think life is about choices. Some people sacrifice family life for a career. Some people sacrifice potential career success to spend time with their families. It's strange that some suggest that if you don't achieve all you can (potential) you should have regrets, yet most of the regrets on here seem to be about a small thing that involved loved ones, rather than any potential, or career success.
When one comes to the reconning, I think it is the personal relationships that matter the most, it is that that defines us. That last visit with a grandparent or parent before they die when you could have gone into the office for that deal, or gone out trainaing again to beat that personal best. For me, personally, I think that those that Dave describes as not having that 'courage, confidence, attitude' and have a lack of 'energy and committment', are not hiding behind excuses, they are describing the reasons for their choices.
My Dad was very, very committed to his career, and it was not physically possible for him to be more successful at it. He rose to the highest level that existed for his chosen profession, he earned a very good living, and he retired at 52 with, relatively, more money than he can spend, guaranteed for the rest of his life. He achieved all he could have done, he reached his potential. He had courage, confidence, and the right attitude, he had energy and committment in droves. He has retired now, he's 70 next year, and his biggest regret in life is that he feels as though he missed out on watching his children grow up!
I agree with Leroy Ambrose, the suggestion that 'you can have it all' is rubbish, and it has led to a society that demands everything and is rarely satisified with what they have. Just look at the clamour for a UEFA place in 2005/06; the clamour to spend money we didn't have to win an instant promption back to the Premier Legaue; the clamour to spend more money we didn't have in an attempt to get out of the Third Division. At what point should we have been happy? At what point should he have accepted that we can't actually have it all and been grateful?
It's a pity though that my mantra for achieving personal excellence seems to have been interpreted as a vote for consumerism and greed, but that's what happens with the written word, I guess.
Don't know if anyone remembers this Honda ad from a few years ago, but it conveys the message for me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZo1m2ZUDl8
Next time you switch on the light, or take the lift ... you might want to thank those who were prepared to sail out into uncharted seas in search of the New World ... even if they did end up in America.
Dave, I think you've hit the nail on the head, the written word can easily be misinterpreted. Personal excellence is certainly something I strive for but I, perhaps, thought you were casting aspirations on those that set themselves more modest targets, so that they can choose to spend more time on other things.
I have a similar one to Shamkat where I remember going to visit my Nan ill in Greenwich District Hospital when I was about 10 - I was in a grotty miserable drab hospital on a dark winter night and wanted to go home and remember making a fuss to my mum about could we go home. My old Nan was obviously really ill but putting a brave face on it for me and my little brother, she said to my mum yes you should take them home. My Mum saw her again fortunately, but that was the last time I saw her as she died 3 days later and although I know she wouldn't have minded I have always regretted the fact that her last memory of me was being a whiney little kid rather than positive. I've got over it now as I know I was only a kid but I felt really guilty and ashamed about that throughout my teens.
I'm 24 and I've been to uni and worked for a few years now; enjoyed most of it and don't really have many regrets other than the above (and missing the odd Charlton game which I could've gone to e.g. Arsenal 4-2, Chelsea penalty shoot out win) - but at this stage in my life I find myself worrying about making regrets! I feel like at my age I'm making the calls which could define my life, and don't wanna get to 30/40/50 and look back and regret the decisions I make now. Will I regret (not) travelling more / going abroad to work / leaving my current job? Will I regret letting my previous bird go? Should I take this opportunity should I take that opportunity? Dunno what I really wanna do at this stage / where I wanna go...
Those decisions will define you
Leave it out FoD. That is a shit comment. Most of us know Dazzler lost his mum at a young age. Im not sure if you have both parents alive but that is the most defining moment of anyones life.
As well i know!
this is all a bit deep innit.
Seriously i keep looking at this. Its not embarrassing. Why can anyone else say their innermost thoughts an dazzler gets slagged off? Wrong.
Lmao! Very brave to admit that! I bought Star Trekking although never regretted it but was very young.
As far as everyone else goes moved to USA at end of 80's married a yank and have 2 great kids. I have travelled the world and been failry successful in my career. So apart from the ones above not many more.....
what i have done i can not change,
what i did not do i could still do,
i have hurt people and myself on the way in this ife but it was all for a reason..
i may not know that reason yet but i am sure my life path will take me to it..
i am sorry for those that got hurt but i dont regret what i did..
does that make me a bad person
i guess i am still to find that out
FOD i can understand what dazzler means and maybe i think if you should regret anything then maybe it is that you have lost the ability to have a sense of humility this thread is about individual experience and is not a point scoring opportunity.
surely on a thread like this which it has taken me 3 days to go through as i find this sort of stuff hard to digest, is about real life experiences and none of us have the right to judge or pass negative comments on those experiences