Women are officially mental, take this weekend just gone, bank holiday, Saturday, spend hours in the kitchen putting new table and chairs together, then remove offending boxes to local tip, and tidy up when I get back. Sunday, clean bathroom, change bed sheets, hoover whole house, put on at least 3 washing loads, and hang on airer etc, repair split in leather sofa with kit from ebay, replace back garden patio cover with new one from ebay. Monday, sit on sofa with cold beer watching football, to which I get..."is that all your going to do this weekend?"
Will you marry me?
He sounds quite a catch... hands off
Seriously, have thought about turning a few times over the years, If I wasn't such a beaver merchant !
Women are officially mental, take this weekend just gone, bank holiday, Saturday, spend hours in the kitchen putting new table and chairs together, then remove offending boxes to local tip, and tidy up when I get back. Sunday, clean bathroom, change bed sheets, hoover whole house, put on at least 3 washing loads, and hang on airer etc, repair split in leather sofa with kit from ebay, replace back garden patio cover with new one from ebay. Monday, sit on sofa with cold beer watching football, to which I get..."is that all your going to do this weekend?"
Will you marry me?
He sounds quite a catch... hands off
Seriously, have thought about turning a few times over the years, If I wasn't such a beaver merchant !
Guys, I just love this thread, I was certain it only happened to me!
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
Guys, I just love this thread, I was certain it only happened to me!
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
Guys, I just love this thread, I was certain it only happened to me!
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
Suspect there might be more to some of these stories than is being provided. I don't like the generalisations here either. For every time my wife has turned on me for things like letting her go on the up escalator first (apparently I deprived her of a rare opportunity to be a foot shorter than me, for twenty fleeting seconds) there have been many, many other times when she's shown empathy, compassion and fierce loyalty. And I know that I act like a total 'fruitloop' now and then as well. So yeah, nothing wrong with anecdotes - many of them are hilarious or gobsmacking, especially rikofold's and golfie's - but there's a lot of borderline/beyond-borderline misogyny in this thread that needs a sharp check
Guys, I just love this thread, I was certain it only happened to me!
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
Suspect there might be more to some of these stories than is being provided. I don't like the generalisations here either. For every time my wife has turned on me for things like letting her go on the up escalator first (apparently I deprived her of a rare opportunity to be a foot shorter than me, for twenty fleeting seconds) there have been many, many other times when she's shown empathy, compassion and fierce loyalty. And I know that I act like a total 'fruitloop' now and then as well. So yeah, nothing wrong with anecdotes - many of them are hilarious or gobsmacking, especially rikofold's and golfie's - but there's a lot of borderline/beyond-borderline misogyny in this thread that needs a sharp check
Guys, I just love this thread, I was certain it only happened to me!
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
No doubt she let you have all the hot air back, nicely scented, when you were back in bed later?
Suspect there might be more to some of these stories than is being provided. I don't like the generalisations here either. For every time my wife has turned on me for things like letting her go on the up escalator first (apparently I deprived her of a rare opportunity to be a foot shorter than me, for twenty fleeting seconds) there have been many, many other times when she's shown empathy, compassion and fierce loyalty. And I know that I act like a total 'fruitloop' now and then as well. So yeah, nothing wrong with anecdotes - many of them are hilarious or gobsmacking, especially rikofold's and golfie's - but there's a lot of borderline/beyond-borderline misogyny in this thread that needs a sharp check
Counts to 10 and decides to say nothing but really wants to say............
in 1995 went on a lads holiday to Ayia Napa, was seeing a girl at the time (as were most of the lads) but was young and 'what happened on your stayed on tour' (or so we thought)....met a group of girls one night in a bar who had a girl following them with a camera (much bigger than your average camcorder), turns out the following morning that they were filming for the Real Holiday Show - a sort of fly on the wall holiday show following various people when they go away - hosted by Gaby Roslin....anyway without thinking we all signed the disclaimers no problem agreeing for footage to be shown etc etc.
One of the (single) lads mentioned back home that we were going to be on it and word got round, not really remembering too much about the night - I settled down 3 months later one November evening to watch the programme with the then current girlfriend as she was curious, cue footage of at least 4 of our group (including me) groping/kissing various girls in a bar and generally doing things that you wouldn't want your missus to see.
in 1995 went on a lads holiday to Ayia Napa, was seeing a girl at the time (as were most of the lads) but was young and 'what happened on your stayed on tour' (or so we thought)....met a group of girls one night in a bar who had a girl following them with a camera (much bigger than your average camcorder), turns out the following morning that they were filming for the Real Holiday Show - a sort of fly on the wall holiday show following various people when they go away - hosted by Gaby Roslin....anyway without thinking we all signed the disclaimers no problem agreeing for footage to be shown etc etc.
One of the (single) lads mentioned back home that we were going to be on it and word got round, not really remembering too much about the night - I settled down 3 months later one November evening to watch the programme with the then current girlfriend as she was curious, cue footage of at least 4 of our group (including me) groping/kissing various girls in a bar and generally doing things that you wouldn't want your missus to see.
This very morning I got up at half five, washed up all last nights tea things, did a load of washing and got it on the line and ironed everyones clothes for work / school. On the way to work she texts that my daughter didn't want that skirt for school and not even one kiss on the end! Should have stayed in bed!
Why did you leave the washing up until this morning? I hate you*
*the imagined words as I read your post.
Close..."Why put washing on in the morning, you know it wakes me up" followed a week later by "Don't you ever do any washing, the basket is full again!" (I realise writing this has shown I am completely under the thumb but she is 28 and I'm 43 so there is an upside
If i got up at half five and done all that, only to get that response, i couldn't give a f*** how young/pretty she was, she would have got both barrels back.
in 1995 went on a lads holiday to Ayia Napa, was seeing a girl at the time (as were most of the lads) but was young and 'what happened on your stayed on tour' (or so we thought)....met a group of girls one night in a bar who had a girl following them with a camera (much bigger than your average camcorder), turns out the following morning that they were filming for the Real Holiday Show - a sort of fly on the wall holiday show following various people when they go away - hosted by Gaby Roslin....anyway without thinking we all signed the disclaimers no problem agreeing for footage to be shown etc etc.
One of the (single) lads mentioned back home that we were going to be on it and word got round, not really remembering too much about the night - I settled down 3 months later one November evening to watch the programme with the then current girlfriend as she was curious, cue footage of at least 4 of our group (including me) groping/kissing various girls in a bar and generally doing things that you wouldn't want your missus to see.
.....we were all single pretty quickly!
There is some footage of a mate and I stripping on stage at a nightclub, floating around somewhere. I have never seen it, and neither did my girlfriend at the time, thankfully. I think that it was called 'University Uncovered'.
Disney films and soap operas are the banes of our existence fellas.
Disney films tell them the guy they're going to marry is going to be perfect and soap operas tell them they've got to have drama or their lives are meaningless.
Not sure about the soaps. I'd say a bigger problem are the teen and women's magazines - pages and pages of often conflicting advice about how you're supposed to attract a bloke, "how to tell if he's the one", "signs that he's straying", yadda yadda yadda. It's enough to make anyone a bit bonkers.
Suspect there might be more to some of these stories than is being provided. I don't like the generalisations here either. For every time my wife has turned on me for things like letting her go on the up escalator first (apparently I deprived her of a rare opportunity to be a foot shorter than me, for twenty fleeting seconds) there have been many, many other times when she's shown empathy, compassion and fierce loyalty. And I know that I act like a total 'fruitloop' now and then as well. So yeah, nothing wrong with anecdotes - many of them are hilarious or gobsmacking, especially rikofold's and golfie's - but there's a lot of borderline/beyond-borderline misogyny in this thread that needs a sharp check
I was actually told I should have gone to a stripclub, when I failed to accompany a mate to one.
My mate had been saying 'oh but I went to a techno night with you' and she actually took his side. And there was me thinking it wouldn't be right to be ogling other women.
my wife isn't talking to me coz i hung some outdoor solar lights up on a trellis in thwe garden and it wasn't the one she suggested. We haven't spoken since Monday and itsa vast improvement i can tell you.
My current lady is just lovely but she's still a female. I regularly get the cold shoulder for going out and enjoying myself when she's told me to go out and enjoy myself.
My ex wife tried to run me over once, if she hadn't been pissed she might have got me - but no real funny story behind that one. :-)
One time I'd been in Manchester for work, had driven and it had taken 7 hours to get home. When I got in she was already pissed at me I hadn't defied the laws of physics and walked in at six. Her first words for me were "I guess you won't have dinner ready at a reasonable hour then". Realising I was on a loser, I just walked away and went and cooked fish for us both. She then complained it was overcooked. It wasn't the fish that was overcooked.
Mind you, this is a bird who got angry with me for finding out she was having an affair and raising the issue with her. None of my business apparently. Ho hum.
I must be one of the lucky ones. I booked magaluf with my mates completely forgetting the missus birthday & she only gave me the cold shoulder for a day.
The ex was a right nut job though. She gave me the option of going charlton or celebrating our 3 month anniversary. I put myself through a charlton horror show luckily
Oh and apparently I was a paedo for the occasional glance at internet porn. "They're all late teens early 20s, you sicko". Leaving aside the obvious error there, I guess she didn't get that Wayne Rooney's favourite website really isn't the norm.
A mate of mine was out one sunday down the pub watching the football and said he'd be home in time for dinner ... few beers later he gets home , 1/2 late tops , to find his dinner is in the bin . Obviously still hungry he rings up and orders a curry for 1 . The curry turns up and he dishes it all up , goes to the toilet and when he comes back he finds that she has put the curry in the bin as well ....He said he ended up with a packet of snacky jacks in the spare room .
And all this was before he got married , god help him now ....
Suspect there might be more to some of these stories than is being provided. I don't like the generalisations here either. For every time my wife has turned on me for things like letting her go on the up escalator first (apparently I deprived her of a rare opportunity to be a foot shorter than me, for twenty fleeting seconds) there have been many, many other times when she's shown empathy, compassion and fierce loyalty. And I know that I act like a total 'fruitloop' now and then as well. So yeah, nothing wrong with anecdotes - many of them are hilarious or gobsmacking, especially rikofold's and golfie's - but there's a lot of borderline/beyond-borderline misogyny in this thread that needs a sharp check
of course, my missus is my best friend and in every respect can be awesome and brilliant and lovely. Doesn't stop her having the occasional moments of being bonkers.
My current lady is just lovely but she's still a female. I regularly get the cold shoulder for going out and enjoying myself when she's told me to go out and enjoy myself.
My ex wife tried to run me over once, if she hadn't been pissed she might have got me - but no real funny story behind that one. :-)
One time I'd been in Manchester for work, had driven and it had taken 7 hours to get home. When I got in she was already pissed at me I hadn't defied the laws of physics and walked in at six. Her first words for me were "I guess you won't have dinner ready at a reasonable hour then". Realising I was on a loser, I just walked away and went and cooked fish for us both. She then complained it was overcooked. It wasn't the fish that was overcooked.
Mind you, this is a bird who got angry with me for finding out she was having an affair and raising the issue with her. None of my business apparently. Ho hum.
Divorce is a wonderful thing. :-)
I had a similar situation with an ex, she couldn't understand why it took me 3 hours to drive from Ealing, West London to Sidcup at 5 pm on a weekday afternoon. She still thinks to this day that I went to the boozer every day!
Oh and apparently I was a paedo for the occasional glance at internet porn. "They're all late teens early 20s, you sicko". Leaving aside the obvious error there, I guess she didn't get that Wayne Rooney's favourite website really isn't the norm.
I was in a pub with a group of colleagues (including my girlfriend), there was a group of girls on the dance floor. I whispered to my mate "look at that girls leggings, they look like something ravishing Rick Rude would wear". Another colleague allegedly overheard and told my girlfriend that I had said "theres three of them, two of us, lets get involved". Cue my girlfriend in the toilets for the next 45 mins. Was quite amusing in the end having to explain who ravishing Rick Rude was!!
Comments
Seriously, have thought about turning a few times over the years, If I wasn't such a beaver merchant !
1st wife and I were getting ready for posh night out, I was sitting on the bed drying my Kevin Keegan perm when she bent down right in front of me to pull her knickers up. Hairdryer in hand, thought it would be funny to blow some warm air up her arse................jeez, the reaction was classic, she went into one big time, screaming and shouting (I suppose it didn't help that I was in hysterics rolling around on the bed!).
Outcome:- Didn't speak to me all evening and for the next week! Don't you just love em!
One of the (single) lads mentioned back home that we were going to be on it and word got round, not really remembering too much about the night - I settled down 3 months later one November evening to watch the programme with the then current girlfriend as she was curious, cue footage of at least 4 of our group (including me) groping/kissing various girls in a bar and generally doing things that you wouldn't want your missus to see.
.....we were all single pretty quickly!
My mate had been saying 'oh but I went to a techno night with you' and she actually took his side. And there was me thinking it wouldn't be right to be ogling other women.
My ex wife tried to run me over once, if she hadn't been pissed she might have got me - but no real funny story behind that one. :-)
One time I'd been in Manchester for work, had driven and it had taken 7 hours to get home. When I got in she was already pissed at me I hadn't defied the laws of physics and walked in at six. Her first words for me were "I guess you won't have dinner ready at a reasonable hour then". Realising I was on a loser, I just walked away and went and cooked fish for us both. She then complained it was overcooked. It wasn't the fish that was overcooked.
Mind you, this is a bird who got angry with me for finding out she was having an affair and raising the issue with her. None of my business apparently. Ho hum.
Divorce is a wonderful thing. :-)
The ex was a right nut job though. She gave me the option of going charlton or celebrating our 3 month anniversary. I put myself through a charlton horror show luckily
And all this was before he got married , god help him now ....
They are all nuts