In the doghouse this very minute for wanting to watch the spurs game tonight rather than watch a film round hers with her mum,because that sounds much more fun doesnt it?!
a smallwall mate a few years back, drinking with us in the Horse & Groom one Sunday afternoon, as the late afternoon turned into evening, his mrs appears in the pub, with foil wrapped dinner plate and gravy boat, places it on the bar and tells him that as he likes it so much in the pub he can have his dinner in there. He got the landlord to warm it up and ate it.
Got screwed on a trick question last night and didn't realise till it was too late. That was a fun hour and a half. I blame the 6 or 7 pints for slowing my reactions.
Oh and apparently I was a paedo for the occasional glance at internet porn. "They're all late teens early 20s, you sicko". Leaving aside the obvious error there, I guess she didn't get that Wayne Rooney's favourite website really isn't the norm.
@DA9 was you outside the Horse a good few year back on a Sunday when a mutual indian friend got a pint over his head courtesy of his other half for missing his dinner? : /
@DA9 was you outside the Horse a good few year back on a Sunday when a mutual indian friend got a pint over his head courtesy of his other half for missing his dinner? : /
@DA9 was you outside the Horse a good few year back on a Sunday when a mutual indian friend got a pint over his head courtesy of his other half for missing his dinner? : /
D?
Think I was yes.
Yes, it was one of the old Sunday sessions in there with seafood and live music.
The dog stole my girlfriend's socks from the washing basket and went under the dining table with them. She layed there moaning while I got up and wrestled the socks off the dog. I then kicked the dog and called him a twat. I got shouted at and was told I was turning in to my dad and got the silent treatment for kicking him. (I didn't kick him hard, just lightly on the arse as he ran off)
Introduced a gf to an ex who I was still mates with but got the wrong name stormed out the pub with me following saying Im in trouble now. Threw away the braclet I had bought her. Next morning wasn't really speaking to me then told me I should have gone and searched for the braclet she threw in the woods.
This is the same ex who banned me from charlton for 3 years thou.
Went to a mates party and had some girl I know ask for a dance so I obliged, told the missus about it and got ignored for a day. Nothing even happened.
Went to a mates party and had some girl I know ask for a dance so I obliged, told the missus about it and got ignored for a day. Nothing even happened.
This reminds me...doing research on a remote mountain in Ecuador, on the last evening our lodge provided traditional entertainment accompanied with salsa lessons for us that couldn't dance. Somehow, even though we didn't have enough electricity, somebody took a photograph of me with an admittedly attractive Ecuadorian and this was beamed through to somewhere where my girlfriend saw it. When I returned to the capital and had electricity, I got a pleasant e-mail telling me - in short - not to bother coming back!
Went to a mates party and had some girl I know ask for a dance so I obliged, told the missus about it and got ignored for a day. Nothing even happened.
This reminds me...doing research on a remote mountain in Ecuador, on the last evening our lodge provided traditional entertainment accompanied with salsa lessons for us that couldn't dance. Somehow, even though we didn't have enough electricity, somebody took a photograph of me with an admittedly attractive Ecuadorian and this was beamed through to somewhere where my girlfriend saw it. When I returned to the capital and had electricity, I got a pleasant e-mail telling me - in short - not to bother coming back!
Introduced a gf to an ex who I was still mates with but got the wrong name stormed out the pub with me following saying Im in trouble now. Threw away the braclet I had bought her. Next morning wasn't really speaking to me then told me I should have gone and searched for the braclet she threw in the woods.
This is the same ex who banned me from charlton for 3 years thou.
Banned you?! For 3 years? Mental. I hope for your sake it was 2006-2009 because you didn't miss much there!
Introduced a gf to an ex who I was still mates with but got the wrong name stormed out the pub with me following saying Im in trouble now. Threw away the braclet I had bought her. Next morning wasn't really speaking to me then told me I should have gone and searched for the braclet she threw in the woods.
This is the same ex who banned me from charlton for 3 years thou.
Did she give you your balls back when you split up? ;o)
I blame you lot for this one. Woke up this morning and, guess what, the missus has had a dream where I was horrible to her and started to give me the evils as a result. "It was only a dream sweetheart" didn't seem to do the trick immediately, but after a little while she thawed a bit.
Following a midnight discussion about whether we should have kids, she then gave me her iPad to show me a video of two guys undergoing a simulation of contractions, quite funny but I think she had a serious point in there somewhere. I couldn't resist saying "Yeah, but there's no greater pain than being kicked in the nuts" - she went a bit mental at me about how she knew I'd say that and then barely spoke to me before she left for work.
I think my constant giggling as this bloody thread popped into mind with her every word didn't help. :-)
I blame you lot for this one. Woke up this morning and, guess what, the missus has had a dream where I was horrible to her and started to give me the evils as a result. "It was only a dream sweetheart" didn't seem to do the trick immediately, but after a little while she thawed a bit.
Following a midnight discussion about whether we should have kids, she then gave me her iPad to show me a video of two guys undergoing a simulation of contractions, quite funny but I think she had a serious point in there somewhere. I couldn't resist saying "Yeah, but there's no greater pain than being kicked in the nuts" - she went a bit mental at me about how she knew I'd say that and then barely spoke to me before she left for work.
I think my constant giggling as this bloody thread popped into mind with her every word didn't help. :-)
Remind her that no man every says "I would love to get kicked in the balls again" unlike women and pregnancy!
I blame you lot for this one. Woke up this morning and, guess what, the missus has had a dream where I was horrible to her and started to give me the evils as a result. "It was only a dream sweetheart" didn't seem to do the trick immediately, but after a little while she thawed a bit.
Following a midnight discussion about whether we should have kids, she then gave me her iPad to show me a video of two guys undergoing a simulation of contractions, quite funny but I think she had a serious point in there somewhere. I couldn't resist saying "Yeah, but there's no greater pain than being kicked in the nuts" - she went a bit mental at me about how she knew I'd say that and then barely spoke to me before she left for work.
I think my constant giggling as this bloody thread popped into mind with her every word didn't help. :-)
Remind her that no man every says "I would love to get kicked in the balls again" unlike women and pregnancy!
trying to win an argument with logic and reason? Prepare the sofa!
15 years ago i'd been going out with a girl for a few months she seemed pretty keen and we had talked about buying a flat together and all that shit i went away for a boys week in Tenerife, pre mobile phone days, so a couple of late drunken phone calls from a phone box to check in with the bird all ok . i get back and a mate says we're going Barbados tomorrow for the cricket, a couple of one dayers, gonna be out there 9 days are you up for it ....spoke to bird said it's a great opportunity blah blah blah (worked for myself so ok with time off) and she was fine with me going same again a couple of drunken phone calls checking in whilst away get back and she says i'm smothering her and she dumps me lol
just say i'm a shit shag and dump me you freak or make up a feasible excuse ... weirdos
15 years ago i'd been going out with a girl for a few months she seemed pretty keen and we had talked about buying a flat together and all that shit i went away for a boys week in Tenerife, pre mobile phone days, so a couple of late drunken phone calls from a phone box to check in with the bird all ok . i get back and a mate says we're going Barbados tomorrow for the cricket, a couple of one dayers, gonna be out there 9 days are you up for it ....spoke to bird said it's a great opportunity blah blah blah (worked for myself so ok with time off) and she was fine with me going same again a couple of drunken phone calls checking in whilst away get back and she says i'm smothering her and she dumps me lol
just say i'm a shit shag and dump me you freak or make up a feasible excuse ... weirdos
Just caught up with this thread - brilliant, Golfie in particular.
And Rikofold, can't believe your patience.
Agreed with so many of the other stories on here.
Been in trouble for coming home drunk, but then moaned out if I don't come home and sleep round a mates. Been moaned at for not making an effort with a girlfriend's mates, but then told off for ignoring/'hardly speaking to her all night' if you do.
Generally it's with with exes rather than the current Mrs, so guess I'm lucky there. However, this:
Women are officially mental, take this weekend just gone, bank holiday, Saturday, spend hours in the kitchen putting new table and chairs together, then remove offending boxes to local tip, and tidy up when I get back. Sunday, clean bathroom, change bed sheets, hoover whole house, put on at least 3 washing loads, and hang on airer etc, repair split in leather sofa with kit from ebay, replace back garden patio cover with new one from ebay. Monday, sit on sofa with cold beer watching football, to which I get..."is that all your going to do this weekend?"
is spot on with every woman I've ever been out with. You can do as much as you like but if you're not helping out when they've suddenly gone into domestic mode, you're a lazy git and won't help!
Had evenings where I've done the shopping on the way home, got in, cooked, washed up while she's sat back watching Hollyoaks, put the washing on, taken the bins out, put the finished washing out and the dry stuff away, made lunches (for both of us) for the next day, cleared that all up, but then I've got in trouble for "Just sitting there watching her hoover without helping".
Had evenings where I've done the shopping on the way home, got in, cooked, washed up while she's sat back watching Hollyoaks, put the washing on, taken the bins out, put the finished washing out and the dry stuff away, made lunches (for both of us) for the next day, cleared that all up, but then I've got in trouble for "Just sitting there watching her hoover without helping".
Same here, although I was cracking one off while watching her.
Comments
All these are true by the way. I have to laugh or I'd cry.
D?
Think I was yes.
This is the same ex who banned me from charlton for 3 years thou.
Following a midnight discussion about whether we should have kids, she then gave me her iPad to show me a video of two guys undergoing a simulation of contractions, quite funny but I think she had a serious point in there somewhere. I couldn't resist saying "Yeah, but there's no greater pain than being kicked in the nuts" - she went a bit mental at me about how she knew I'd say that and then barely spoke to me before she left for work.
I think my constant giggling as this bloody thread popped into mind with her every word didn't help. :-)
i went away for a boys week in Tenerife, pre mobile phone days, so a couple of late drunken phone calls from a phone box to check in with the bird all ok .
i get back and a mate says we're going Barbados tomorrow for the cricket, a couple of one dayers, gonna be out there 9 days are you up for it ....spoke to bird said it's a great opportunity blah blah blah (worked for myself so ok with time off) and she was fine with me going
same again a couple of drunken phone calls checking in whilst away
get back and she says i'm smothering her and she dumps me lol
just say i'm a shit shag and dump me you freak or make up a feasible excuse ... weirdos
And Rikofold, can't believe your patience.
Agreed with so many of the other stories on here.
Been in trouble for coming home drunk, but then moaned out if I don't come home and sleep round a mates.
Been moaned at for not making an effort with a girlfriend's mates, but then told off for ignoring/'hardly speaking to her all night' if you do.
Generally it's with with exes rather than the current Mrs, so guess I'm lucky there. However, this: is spot on with every woman I've ever been out with. You can do as much as you like but if you're not helping out when they've suddenly gone into domestic mode, you're a lazy git and won't help!
Had evenings where I've done the shopping on the way home, got in, cooked, washed up while she's sat back watching Hollyoaks, put the washing on, taken the bins out, put the finished washing out and the dry stuff away, made lunches (for both of us) for the next day, cleared that all up, but then I've got in trouble for "Just sitting there watching her hoover without helping".