With the military precision of the arsenal back four (never in reality), and being closest to the lino at left back, when anyone was vaguely or even possibly offside, I had my arm in the air accompanied by a loud cry of YES LINE!!!!!
When I first started playing (by my low standards) half decent football as a centre forward I came back for a corner in one game.
My vastly more experienced skipper was shouting at me 'mark the free, mark the free!' Not quite sure what he meant I decided that, given the new technical level I was playing at, he must have meant 'mark space' and seek to get a good clearing header.
So I positioned myself in 'a hole' in the middle penalty area and he again shouted 'mark the free!' - after concluding that I must have picked the wrong 'hole' I awkwardly stood in a couple of different spaces which were met with the same, increasingly frustrated response from the skipper.
It was only after he screamed in my face 'FFS, mark the big number free' that I, rather red-faced, got what he meant. Only happened over about 15 seconds but I wasn't allowed to forget it for the rest of the season.
During a break in play for an injury in the penalty area on a Blackheath pitch (no nets) 'Whose got the valuables bag then'? everyone looks to the keeper; 'I left it in the changing rooms cos with no nets, thought it would be safer there'!
Fancy dan winger gets cleaned out early in the game his skipper encourages 'No worries run it off we've got them again in the cup next week, plenty of time for afters' Winger unlikely to see out the game let alone be fit for next week :0)
" GO ON THAT'S OUR BALL ALL DAY LONG CHRIS!...GO ON CHRIS!! THAT'S OUR BALL!... GO ON CHRIS!...RIGHT...GET BACK AT HIM CHRIS!! GET BACK AT HIM THAT'S STILL YOUR BALL!!....GO ON CHRIS IT'S STILL YOURS!!...... right....right...try not to kick him lad eh...."
Free kick in shooting range keeper organises wall 'THREE, THREE give me THREEE! One of the wall stops one straight in the family jewels goes down like a sack of spuds to sympathetic cries from the keeper of 'COUNT EM AND GET OUT YOUR PLAYING THEM ONSIDE'!
Really funny thread :-) "MARTINNNN'SSSS BALLL!!!" yelled every time a cross threatened the defence. Unfortunately, a lot of the time it wasn't.
Had a fella that didn't start playing football till his mid 20s. First time he come he said he played on the wing, but he was a 6"3 born centre half that just had to learn playing as a centre half. Had he played as a kid he would have gone far.
He didn't have a clue about talking your way through a game, quiet as a mouse and I used to coach him through a game. Always banging on at him to 'put his name on it' etc.
I remember a big goalie kick out, I'm sweeping behind him getting him t go for the header "make sure you put ya name on it"
"Jim's ball" he sort of shouted in a posh, non-football voice
He's headed it straight up in the air, so I've given it "and again Jimbo"
And in an even more well spoken voice than the first time he shouted "Jim's ball AGAIN".
Probably not funny unless you were there, but it was the most out of place call I've ever heard, still makes me chuckle now.
:-) That reminded me of Luke T, he was the skipper in the school team. He was a clever lad and we had a good team that year, strong in every position. In one match we were about 7-0 up after 20 mins and were strolling and showboating it a bit. Luke who was pretty elegant in central defence always read the game well, and he picked up a misplaced kick from a team mate in the midfield. I heard this well spoken voice say calmly: " Did you want some tea with that slice, young man?" Young man :-) He was only 10 himself! :-)
yelled whenever the thrower doesn't stand square on and bend backwards like a gymnast and then launch the ball from the top of the arc as the body straightens.
Mind you nowadays EVRY throw in in the pro game would be a foul throw in the Woolwich and District league.
Me....... Ref what sort of feckin decision was that, are you some sort of a c... Captain..... A bit of respect "Batesy" that's Mr C... To you. Ref....... In the book you go Batesy, off you go Captain. Now you both know what sort of a c... I can be.........
Tricky winger mate kept beating the full back but getting blocked off. 4th or 5th time he throws his hands up, turns to the ref and shouts: "Referee, he's in my way!"
At 5 a side a mate calls out the angle of the pass, 30 degrees, 45, etc. So whenever he has the ball we call out random angles, often with decimal places.
Comments
My vastly more experienced skipper was shouting at me 'mark the free, mark the free!' Not quite sure what he meant I decided that, given the new technical level I was playing at, he must have meant 'mark space' and seek to get a good clearing header.
So I positioned myself in 'a hole' in the middle penalty area and he again shouted 'mark the free!' - after concluding that I must have picked the wrong 'hole' I awkwardly stood in a couple of different spaces which were met with the same, increasingly frustrated response from the skipper.
It was only after he screamed in my face 'FFS, mark the big number free' that I, rather red-faced, got what he meant. Only happened over about 15 seconds but I wasn't allowed to forget it for the rest of the season.
"FIRST AND SECOND IN THERE"
"BE STRONG IN THERE"
"KEEP THINGS TICKING IN THERE"
"EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK REF"
" DAN DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THAT! HURT HIM WITH YOUR FOOTBALL!!"
Loving this thread...
Pass it, pass it....PASS IT...Clear it...CLEAR IT
Head up, son...Look for ya man
Go past him. Ee's nuffink
Frozen pitch against a team of lumps "At the end of the day ref, we've all got jobs to go to tomorrow, it ain't worth it"
Frozen pitch against team bottom of league "come on ref, we're all up now, let's not be soft. We've played on much worse than this"
He can't live with ya Tel
'Whose got the valuables bag then'? everyone looks to the keeper;
'I left it in the changing rooms cos with no nets, thought it would be safer there'!
'No worries run it off we've got them again in the cup next week, plenty of time for afters'
Winger unlikely to see out the game let alone be fit for next week :0)
One of the wall stops one straight in the family jewels goes down like a sack of spuds to sympathetic cries from the keeper of 'COUNT EM AND GET OUT YOUR PLAYING THEM ONSIDE'!
Luke who was pretty elegant in central defence always read the game well, and he picked up a misplaced kick from a team mate in the midfield.
I heard this well spoken voice say calmly:
" Did you want some tea with that slice, young man?"
Young man :-) He was only 10 himself! :-)
When about to defend a corner.
yelled whenever the thrower doesn't stand square on and bend backwards like a gymnast and then launch the ball from the top of the arc as the body straightens.
Mind you nowadays EVRY throw in in the pro game would be a foul throw in the Woolwich and District league.
"Who's coming down the pub after, their putting some tatties on"
GETVSTUCK IN LADS, THEY DON'T LIKE IT UP 'EM
FECK MINE REF, DID YOU LEARN THE RULES IN BRAILE!
"low and hard"
Captain..... A bit of respect "Batesy" that's Mr C... To you.
Ref....... In the book you go Batesy, off you go Captain.
Now you both know what sort of a c... I can be.........
At 5 a side a mate calls out the angle of the pass, 30 degrees, 45, etc. So whenever he has the ball we call out random angles, often with decimal places.