Reports from Manchester suggest that Ben Thatcher was both organiser, and cameraman of the recent shocking comedy sex / roasting home video, popularly titled Witty City Gang Bang.
A lot of Ben's anger is believed to stem from his schoolyears, where he was mercilously teased for having one foot considerably larger than the other. While his left foot is a size 11, his right never developed past size 3.
When Jody Morris said he would of gave his right arm to have had Ben's career, it is believed Ben fetched an axe from his garage. Following a lengthy court battle, Morris dropped all charges, and Ben was issued with a formal caution.
Due to his assault on Mendes, Ben is on the government list of England's most dangerous hooligans, and had to hand in his passport to the nearest police station today, foiling plans to riot in Moscow. Possibly
Ben Thatcher never liked his surname, thinking that Thatcher sounded quaint and old fashoned. He planned to change his name by deed poll to Farooq Engineer but someone else got there first. He's now considering a change to Isaac Hunt.
When Ben was an apprentice at Millwall, he modelled himself on their legendary left back Harry Cripps.
'Arry Boy's special tactic was, "....if it moves, kick it "
Ben has been striving to match Crippsy ever since .......
Ben Thatcher (allegedly) threatened John Terry before the 2008 Champion's League Final, thereby ensuring a Manchester United win. He did this because of an arrangement with Sir Alex. Deliver the 2008 European Cup to Man U and Thatcher has permission to marry Ferguson's daughter. Terry was asked in no uncertain terms to throw the match and, though it hurt, slipped and booted his potential match winning penalty wide and to the right. Plank. But he had to. There's was no choice. He already dropped a bollock (literally, allegedly) to Thatcher after losing a 2006 private poker tournament at the Grosvenor Hotel. Thatcher extracted it on the spot. Not surprisingly, Terry chose his last remaining bollock over a Champion's League Winner's Medal, which is fair I'd say. Certainly, it takes balls to do what he did. Look again closely at the footage; his closest friends know the post-match tears he shed were not tears of pain, but tears of joy.
Thatcher, a well know polygamist activist, looks set to marry his 56th wife in a lovely June wedding.
That's a cracker. Which reminds me Frank Carson will be his 56th best man. Previous best men include Willie Carson, Sir Trevor McDonald, Pedro Mendes, Ken Dodd and three Diddy Men.
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However, at the last minute Ben realised it clashed with his mother-in-law's birthday lunch, so the Met Police commissioned 2,000 officers instead.
(Alex Williams, the ex-City keeper told me that when I met him this week)
A lot of Ben's anger is believed to stem from his schoolyears, where he was mercilously teased for having one foot considerably larger than the other. While his left foot is a size 11, his right never developed past size 3.
He is determined to follow in her footsteps - and become the next Queen Boadiccea ..........
'Arry Boy's special tactic was, "....if it moves, kick it "
Ben has been striving to match Crippsy ever since .......
Thatcher, a well know polygamist activist, looks set to marry his 56th wife in a lovely June wedding.