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The Best Advice You Were Ever Given

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  • Lincsaddick
    Lincsaddick Posts: 32,385
    if you can't fight .. wear a big hat
  • SOTF
    SOTF Posts: 1,149
    I was once told by a drunken man that 'a fannies a fanny. It doesn't matter what's wrapped around it'.

    Life got a lot better thereafter.
  • Addickted
    Addickted Posts: 19,456
    Stone said:

    I nearly forgot. Buy GOLD!

    love and peace x

    You little tinker.

  • RaplhMilne
    RaplhMilne Posts: 4,609
    Always use the right tool for the job !
  • RaplhMilne
    RaplhMilne Posts: 4,609
    An if you meet my mate Neil

    Never lend him any money
    Never let him move in your house.
  • Loco
    Loco Posts: 1,037
    Don't shag her she's got the clap
  • BIG_ROB
    BIG_ROB Posts: 5,274
    Me old grandad always said to me,

    "If you ain't in bed by 9 o'clock boy, come home!"
  • bexleyaddick
    bexleyaddick Posts: 479
    By my late Dad, best advice I ever got, 'engage brain before opening gob'. I swear by it.
  • cblock
    cblock Posts: 1,962
    never eat yellow snow
  • RalphMilnesgut
    RalphMilnesgut Posts: 1,751
    Never whistle when you're pissing

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  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,906
    Probably not relevant these days but never ever join in and try to assist if someone is pissing a cigarette butt along the urinal trough towards the drain end.
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,104
    Measure twice, cut once.

    A cheesy one courtesy of Del Griffith that I think is true: Like your work, love your wife.
  • Saga Lout
    Saga Lout Posts: 6,845
    maybe_baby said:

    Saga Lout said:

    Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking. Take control of your emotions - nobody can make you feel a certain way - you decide how to react to what life throws at you.

    Post of the thread...You're not a musician by any chance?

    I am a musician - how did you guess???
  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    edited November 2013
    Saga Lout said:

    maybe_baby said:

    Saga Lout said:

    Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking. Take control of your emotions - nobody can make you feel a certain way - you decide how to react to what life throws at you.

    Post of the thread...You're not a musician by any chance?

    I am a musician - how did you guess???

    Because no matter how badly or well you play you can always improve, and the challenge's music brings will push you for all your life. The majority of my friends are musicians and/or writers, arty types and to the man have this positive attitude. When someone records in my studio and gets it right, the whole place buzzes and the congratulations and support are genuine. If I were an accountant I'm guessing I would rarely if ever encounter this kind of positivity.

    ps. I'm a pretty crap musician...but I'm better crap than I was a year ago :-)
  • Lincsaddick
    Lincsaddick Posts: 32,385
    never give a s***er an even break
  • Norfolk_Addick
    Norfolk_Addick Posts: 2,289
    A 1 at the sides won't be as short as you think.
  • nth_london_addick
    nth_london_addick Posts: 35,919
    1 in the stink is worth 2 in the pink
  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    nth london addick said:

    1 in the stink is worth 2 in the pink

    Classless...but made me laugh :-)

  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,634
    nth london addick said:

    1 in the stink is worth 2 in the pink

    One up the bum, no harm done
  • Slartibartfast
    Slartibartfast Posts: 1,121
    All women fart when they're married.

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  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    Slartibartfast said:

    All women fart when they're married.

    I must have got all the early starters then.

  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,634
    Slartibartfast said:

    All women fart when they're married.

    Mine just said "I do"
  • Cardinal Sin
    Cardinal Sin Posts: 5,233
    Many years ago, a national newspaper posing as a schoolboy wrote spoof letters to celebs of the day asking them for their best piece of advice. Brian cough replied saying "my advice young man, if you expect a reply to a letter, you should enclose a stamp-addressed-envelope."
  • Cardinal Sin
    Cardinal Sin Posts: 5,233
    Brian Clough even.....
  • Vienna_Addick
    Vienna_Addick Posts: 333
    Never throw up into the wind.
  • Six-a-bag-of-nuts
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts Posts: 8,132
    Don't knock it till you've tried it
  • Six-a-bag-of-nuts
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts Posts: 8,132
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts said:

    Don't knock it till you've tried it

    Sorry, that wasn't in answer to yours Vienna :-)

  • JonnyK
    JonnyK Posts: 830
    We all make mistakes but the definition of a fool is to make the same mistake twice!
  • JonnyK
    JonnyK Posts: 830
    2. Some people are so rude, discourteous to others, purely consumed in themselves. Feel like we live in a horrible, selfish and nasty world at times. I always try and be with people how i would want to be treated in return. If its not replicated, their card is marked.

    To my mind there has always been horrible, selfish and nasty people going back to year zero - it's all part of human behaviour where the battle between right and wrong, good and evil will constantly be fought.
  • maybe_baby
    maybe_baby Posts: 2,609
    edited November 2013
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts said:

    Six-a-bag-of-nuts said:

    Don't knock it till you've tried it

    Sorry, that wasn't in answer to yours Vienna :-)

    Thanks mate...you've started the missus off now. She's sitting on the kitchen floor laughing like a hyena, probably pissed herself as well! And your repair post was too frigging late as I'd already gone into the garden and tried it!

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