I've worked on the tools, done an office job and gone back on the tools. I've worked with all manner of very odd people. I'm slightly reticent to post too much in case this ever gets used as evidence so I'll try and be as ambiguous as I can whilst leaving the key details in....
A guy who did the same job as me but in a different patch was a god fearing, church going apparently straight as a die. Without warning he was featured in the newspaper for using a camera hidden in a holdall to film up women's skirts. Amazingly he kept his job and got away with any serious punishment due to his previous good character.
I heard a rumour of two blokes tugging each other off and were seen by a member of the public doing so but got away with it as they claimed they were doing it on their lunch hour. I'm not convinced of the genuinety of that one though.
I've got some more that will need me to dedicate some time to fully flesh out and post
How hard did you try and get on the same shift as the 2 blokes?
Not an office job, but a character I encountered while I was moonlighting as a jazz pianist in Mayfair. (Sadly no longer in that band - a shame, as it was good money - but got ghosted out when the singer replaced me without telling me, which was a real bastard move. Fuck you [redacted].)
Obviously, there's a certain amount of weirdness if you're a musician anyway, particularly so if you're a jazz musician, but this dude took the biscuit. He only did one gig with us, but I'll reel a few things off. He was a drummer - and admittedly generally a very, VERY good one - but he was two notes short of a solo, so to speak:
- During one song he did what I can only describe as a live "fade out" in the middle of the solo sections. He went from keeping a beat to miming at the kit, pretending to play, and every so often just going "ooh", or "yeah", or "nice one! teehee!" (and yeah he did actually laugh by saying "teehee".)
- It got to the point in another song where we were all going for it where he stopped playing a beat during a bass solo (perfectly acceptable), but then got up and started walking around and trying to flirt with the lead singer (not acceptable given it was a bloody performance we were being paid to do etc, and not acceptable generally).
- Halfway through his own drum solo, he was so taken by his own playing he just mid-fill went "Woo! Well, that was the ONE right there. Woo!" and resumed playing. Quite often he would just interject with "YEAAAHHH! OOWWWW! OOOHH!" or other similar vocalisations. That's relatively standard, but man he was loud about it.
- He was, and I think still is, living in Liverpool John Lennon Airport. This isn't because he doesn't have a flat - he does, in London - but because he likes the excitement of it. Said gig I did with him was during one of his rare sojourns in the big smoke.
There's probably more but I only met him the once. Very entertaining character. Really, really fantastic drummer though, to be fair.
Talking of drummers, i’ll never forget the night when my car broke down, and when the AA man turned up, our drummer decided to talk to him the whole time through a traffic cone he’d found. The AA man looked a bit perturbed at first, but they were getting like a house on fire by the end
I worked with an old guy who was more Walter Mitty than Walter Mitty. He’s died about 20 years ago so I suppose naming him now won’t really matter now. His real name was Roy Quaker but everyone called Roy Crackers. The stories he told ranged from making sprockets in his shed for Rolls Royce to having his grandchildren making cakes with Jane Seymour. He had stories about working on Spitfires during the war despite being 8 years old in 1945. Apparently he was into rowing, made his own boat and rowed for his club against a young Olympic hopeful but could only keep up for the first 350 metres, he was 60 years old after all. He once applied for an internal vacancy and although everyone knew him and knew his job was a forklift truck fitter he put put on his application, Jet Engine Technician. The one real big story in his life that was true, his wife got a £60K out of court settlement. He died of an enlarged heart due to years of breathing in trichloroethylene fumes from cleaning dirty forklift parts. He was actually a lovely man without bad a bad bone in his body but once he started telling stories you could be there from tea break to lunchtime.
When my Dad started working for the MoD in the early 60's, he was based in Bickley.
He worked with a bloke who was a complete nightmare - always in trouble, turning up late still pissed, suspended many times, personal life was a disaster, got promoted and a week later did something bad and got busted back to lowest clerical grade etc etc
Fast forward to mid 80's - my Dad is now a senior Civil Servant, responsible for procurement programs to supply Army vehicles - he was responsible for programs which were worth millions of pounds.
Anyway, Dad has to go to The Woolwich Arsenal to show VERY senior bods a prototype new vehicle - he was the programme director and included in the party were Generals, very senior MoD civil servants and Directors of some of the civilian Co's involved in the project (I think it was a new battlefield ambulance) - the visit was a big deal for Dad, with the details planned carefully
They are walking through the workshops and get to the vehicle, and a soldier is explaining the various features
Suddenly from behind them a head pops out of the turret of an armoured vehicle and says 'Dave, you old cu#t, fu#k me you old wa#k stain, what the fu#k are you doing here, haven't seen you since fucki#k Bickley'
It was the same bloke from the early 60's - Dad was mortified
At the end of the day one of the General's came up to Dad and gave him a wink and a smile, so no harm done !!!
There is something very Saff Londonly beautiful of a father lovIngly telling his son a story that involved him being called a c*** and a w*** stain. Don’t stop there, that’s one for the grandkids.
Not an office job, but a character I encountered while I was moonlighting as a jazz pianist in Mayfair. (Sadly no longer in that band - a shame, as it was good money - but got ghosted out when the singer replaced me without telling me, which was a real bastard move. Fuck you [redacted].)
Obviously, there's a certain amount of weirdness if you're a musician anyway, particularly so if you're a jazz musician, but this dude took the biscuit. He only did one gig with us, but I'll reel a few things off. He was a drummer - and admittedly generally a very, VERY good one - but he was two notes short of a solo, so to speak:
- During one song he did what I can only describe as a live "fade out" in the middle of the solo sections. He went from keeping a beat to miming at the kit, pretending to play, and every so often just going "ooh", or "yeah", or "nice one! teehee!" (and yeah he did actually laugh by saying "teehee".)
- It got to the point in another song where we were all going for it where he stopped playing a beat during a bass solo (perfectly acceptable), but then got up and started walking around and trying to flirt with the lead singer (not acceptable given it was a bloody performance we were being paid to do etc, and not acceptable generally).
- Halfway through his own drum solo, he was so taken by his own playing he just mid-fill went "Woo! Well, that was the ONE right there. Woo!" and resumed playing. Quite often he would just interject with "YEAAAHHH! OOWWWW! OOOHH!" or other similar vocalisations. That's relatively standard, but man he was loud about it.
- He was, and I think still is, living in Liverpool John Lennon Airport. This isn't because he doesn't have a flat - he does, in London - but because he likes the excitement of it. Said gig I did with him was during one of his rare sojourns in the big smoke.
There's probably more but I only met him the once. Very entertaining character. Really, really fantastic drummer though, to be fair.
Can’t believe I forgot this guy. Was a sales guy at the FX company I work for and he left suddenly. Next thing we know he turned up in the newspapers under the pseudonym Macer Gifford and was fighting against ISIS in Syria.
Whilst driving in a transit van (in the 70s) there was a colleague who would take up the passenger seat, fully open the window and await a bus queue or any other audience for that matter. He would then sneeze loudly into his hands and casually flick the contents (a globule of swarfeca) onto the kerbside. Sometimes there’d be a crowd in the back of the van (no health n safety) and yes we’d find it hilarious, oh to be young again.
When my Dad started working for the MoD in the early 60's, he was based in Bickley.
He worked with a bloke who was a complete nightmare - always in trouble, turning up late still pissed, suspended many times, personal life was a disaster, got promoted and a week later did something bad and got busted back to lowest clerical grade etc etc
Fast forward to mid 80's - my Dad is now a senior Civil Servant, responsible for procurement programs to supply Army vehicles - he was responsible for programs which were worth millions of pounds.
Anyway, Dad has to go to The Woolwich Arsenal to show VERY senior bods a prototype new vehicle - he was the programme director and included in the party were Generals, very senior MoD civil servants and Directors of some of the civilian Co's involved in the project (I think it was a new battlefield ambulance) - the visit was a big deal for Dad, with the details planned carefully
They are walking through the workshops and get to the vehicle, and a soldier is explaining the various features
Suddenly from behind them a head pops out of the turret of an armoured vehicle and says 'Dave, you old cu#t, fu#k me you old wa#k stain, what the fu#k are you doing here, haven't seen you since fucki#k Bickley'
It was the same bloke from the early 60's - Dad was mortified
At the end of the day one of the General's came up to Dad and gave him a wink and a smile, so no harm done !!!
There is something very Saff Londonly beautiful of a father lovIngly telling his son a story that involved him being called a c*** and a w*** stain. Don’t stop there, that’s one for the grandkids.
He had some great takes - her is another
After serving as a regular in the REME, he joimed the TA - rise to rank of Captain - early 80's his unit went on a big exercise in Germany - they set up a workshop in a farm, using the barns to repair tanks - at the back of the barn was a long curtain with the men's campbeds behind
Half way through the 2 weeks, Dad lets all the men go to the village bar for a few beers to relax a bit - one of the blokes was a new recruit and a bit odd
New bloke has one beer and heads off back to the farm on his own - Dad has a tent to himself - about 10.00pm he hears a big commotion in the barn - goes in and one of the men is beating up the oddball
Turns out the rest came back to the farm, drew back the curtain and oddball is laying stark bollock naked on a campbed, w#nking whilst holding the photo of one of the other blokes wifes !!!
Dad had to put him under arrest (oddball) but he had to stay as they were short of men - all his work was undertaken on his own watched by an MP and he was locked in cell at nearby MP base at night - back in England he was tried and discharged
Dad was gutted as the bloke was a bloody good mechanic !!!
Snorted Coke flavor Bath salts, it was a joke that went wrong he was closer to the salts than expected and spent the new few hours feeling and being sick.
When I was an apprentice in the print trade, I worked with a bit of an oddball, but nice enough bloke. He came into a bit of money and met this new lady, fell head over heels for her and they were married quite soon afterwards. He never took time off of work until one day he just didn't turn up, didn't ring in sick, just disappeared and we didn't see him again.
Some months later, I was reading the paper at lunch break and turned to an article which featured this guy. Turns out, that he found his new wife had been cheating on him and had just married him for the bit of money that he had came into. He had battered her to death with a hammer, walked to the police station and handed himself in, he's now doing life!
When I was an apprentice in the print trade, I worked with a bit of an oddball, but nice enough bloke. He came into a bit of money and met this new lady, fell head over heels for her and they were married quite soon afterwards. He never took time off of work until one day he just didn't turn up, didn't ring in sick, just disappeared and we didn't see him again.
Some months later, I was reading the paper at lunch break and turned to an article which featured this guy. Turns out, that he found his new wife had been cheating on him and had just married him for the bit of money that he had came into. He had battered her to death with a hammer, walked to the police station and handed himself in, he's now doing life!
I didn't work with this man in question very often but I knew him. He was a good bloke but had no concept of the world the rest of us live in. He was massively into militaria and the money he made from trading that stuff, a lot of it very ghoulish (Japanese flags with blood on them, SS regalia, AK47 parts the lot). Anyway he brought some of this shit in from time to time and showed people, he didn't do it to freak people out although it did put the shits up a lot of people, it was just the way he was.
One day, I won't say when exactly but it was over 10 years ago, and I've got no idea how this happened, a hand grenade fell from his vehicle in the Blackwell tunnel and was picked up by CCTV and a hell of a lot of terrified motorists and reported to the authorities. I think the tunnel was closed for nearly 4 hours whilst the bomb squad dealt with this thing.
I'm sure a bit of this has been exaggerated as I didn't get to hear about it until the next day and by then it was about 6th hand. The main facts remain true though. A real, non replica hand grenade fell from the window of a company van, the tunnel was shut and he somehow, unbelievably, he kept his job on the condition he was banned from working out in the field forever and would remain in a permanent office role to prevent or at least limit his mayhem.
Last time I saw him was at the wedding of a former colleague and he turned up in A German officers ceremonial dress from world war two. I decided to swerve him then and even though he continues to haunt me on Facebook with friend requests I will not entertain him for fear of guilt of something by association
Never mind sacked - how was this bloke not arrested ?
Like I say, I was told the story the following day with no doubt a sprinkling of poetic licence. He could have been and probably was arrested as it was caught on camera, it also could have been missed which vehicle it fell from and the motorists just reported a hand grenade lying in the side of the road
Used to work for a sales company in 90's. My female boss (around 30) was a bit of a tart to say the least, but very fit. Power suits buttoned ultra low with no bra, kind of sort. One lunch time she went to the bank to cash in the takings. Didn't come back for hours. When she did i asked her what happend. Apparently, she cheekily parked on double-yellows outside the bank. On way out finds a warden giving her a ticket. Finding him a suitable companion for the afternoon, she does a deal to keep him happy, whilst getting off the fine. To top it off, she used a hotel and put the bill on expenses!! Same boss was driving me home in mid-winter. The weather was terrible and M62 got closed. So it was country lanes home for 50 miles. At one point she offered to get us a hotel for the night, lets just say i got us home. She scared the shit out of me. A real lioness!! I was only 19-20 at the time. My then wife met her husband in town one evening and he hit on her. He told her they have one of those agreements, that what goes on outside the home, stays outside!! Needless to say she didn't oblige.
Same company I had a Charlton supporting colleague. Never before or since! He decides to 'not' pay in the takings for a few weeks somehow expecting nobody to notice £10,000 in cash. Anyway the old bill visit his home and find all the unspent loot in his wardrobe. There were no charges as i understood, but he never came back to work. Think he went n to work at Mc'D's.
Also i know a nurse that was doing a home visit to a house bound patient. Needing to go to the loo, she asked politely and off she went. Problem occcured when the number two wouldn't flush, you know the Nessie kind! Despite numerous flushes there was no budging. So she left it there. Only thing is, this woman lived downstairs as unable to manage the stairs. No idea how long it stayed there.
A colleague I work with now, let slip one day that he's a bit of a wanker. So much so that he often struggles to get through the day, such is his libido, so will take himself off to the gents to crack one off. Odd thing to admit to work mates i felt!
Used to work for a sales company in 90's. My female boss (around 30) was a bit of a tart to say the least, but very fit. Power suits buttoned ultra low with no bra, kind of sort. One lunch time she went to the bank to cash in the takings. Didn't come back for hours. When she did i asked her what happend. Apparently, she cheekily parked on double-yellows outside the bank. On way out finds a warden giving her a ticket. Finding him a suitable companion for the afternoon, she does a deal to keep him happy, whilst getting off the fine. To top it off, she used a hotel and put the bill on expenses!! Same boss was driving me home in mid-winter. The weather was terrible and M62 got closed. So it was country lanes home for 50 miles. At one point she offered to get us a hotel for the night, lets just say i got us home. She scared the shit out of me. A real lioness!! I was only 19-20 at the time. My then wife met her husband in town one evening and he hit on her. He told her they have one of those agreements, that what goes on outside the home, stays outside!! Needless to say she didn't oblige.
Same company I had a Charlton supporting colleague. Never before or since! He decides to 'not' pay in the takings for a few weeks somehow expecting nobody to notice £10,000 in cash. Anyway the old bill visit his home and find all the unspent loot in his wardrobe. There were no charges as i understood, but he never came back to work. Think he went n to work at Mc'D's.
Bloke from my place was heading away on business and stupidly left his bag unattended in the office... All was going swimmingly until he got pulled by airport security who promptly removed a massive dildo and a 200ml bottle of coke wrapped in gay porn magazine which was put in the bottom of his hand luggage knowing the drink would flag on the scanner
When I was an apprentice in the print trade, I worked with a bit of an oddball, but nice enough bloke. He came into a bit of money and met this new lady, fell head over heels for her and they were married quite soon afterwards. He never took time off of work until one day he just didn't turn up, didn't ring in sick, just disappeared and we didn't see him again.
Some months later, I was reading the paper at lunch break and turned to an article which featured this guy. Turns out, that he found his new wife had been cheating on him and had just married him for the bit of money that he had came into. He had battered her to death with a hammer, walked to the police station and handed himself in, he's now doing life!
"Killed someone."
We have a winner.
Ah. Unfortunately I had a colleague with a half-similar incident to their name. Back in my old 6th form/Uni days when I worked in the big Co-Op Superstore in Welling, I had the mispleasure to ‘work’ with the fella that was later found guilty of the manslaughter of Paul Gunner in Bexley Village.
Bloke from my place was heading away on business and stupidly left his bag unattended in the office... All was going swimmingly until he got pulled by airport security who promptly removed a massive dildo and a 200ml bottle of coke wrapped in gay porn magazine which was put in the bottom of his hand luggage knowing the drink would flag on the scanner
Did you just have that to hand in your draw?
Wasn't me... But as I understand, it is a recurring trick that keeps getting pulled in the office
@charltonkeston brilliant post a few more of Roy’s tales as and when you remember them
I could write a book on the stories of Roy.
It was a factory, very large American company. Lots and lots of weirdness went on there and plenty of real characters. There was a guy from Zimbabwe or Rhodesia as he liked to call it. His name was and probably still is Glen. Glen had had a bad head injury at some point and he was left with quite a pronounced twitch which effected the whole of his upper body. Roy and Glen didn't like each other, one tea break they both got a little excited a stood nose to nose to each other. At this point Glen had one of his twitches, Roy mistook this for a pre-emptive attack by Glen, so pulled his fist back. Glen then thought he should do the same and for a magic 10 seconds there were these 2 men twitching and shadow boxing each other in front of a dozen fitters. Not one blow was landed. It was hilarious, I know it doesn't sound that funny and you would have probably had of been there to find it as funny I still do but at the time grown men had tears running down their faces watch them two not wanting to fight each other.
Glen was actually quite a strange bloke, he used to tell me tales of when he was back home in the army hunting terrorist over the boarder in Mozambique and what a nutter Robert Mugabe was. The army ones were real boys own stuff and the Mugabe ones just as tall. We all used to take the micky out of him and his rather tall stories, (some of which were horrific and filled with white phosphorous grenades and lots of machine guns). Over time despite his weirdness I actually realised he was probably telling the truth. He told me what Mugabe was like when we in the western world were still thinking he was one of the good guys. He also knew an unhealthy amount about guns.
There was another colleague who everybody liked, absolute great guy who got on with all. His previous job was as a welder on North Sea oil rigs so goes without saying how good he was. He made Crime Watch on the BBC. This was back in the day of photo fits. Like most people I was of the opinion that no one could ever be identified from a photo-fit picture but they had Brian good, no doubt about it. They named him where he lived and what he had been up to. He'd forged building society checks turned them into money and/or bought high end cars with them. The whole plant was gobsmacked, he never gave out any clues of a double life that he was leading. Never saw him again.
A guy I worked with wasn’t feeling well and complaining of a headache. As noone had any painkillers, he wandered around opening random peoples draws until he found some tablets lying loosely about and swallowed them.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
A guy I worked with wasn’t feeling well and complaining of a headache. As noone had any painkillers, he wandered around opening random peoples draws until he found some tablets lying loosely about and swallowed them.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
Damn was hoping that you'd say that he'd taken some women's pills or something
A guy I worked with wasn’t feeling well and complaining of a headache. As noone had any painkillers, he wandered around opening random peoples draws until he found some tablets lying loosely about and swallowed them.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
Damn was hoping that you'd say that he'd taken some women's pills or something
Bit like the fools and horses scratch when uncle Albert eats some BobMartin dog tablets. Woof woof
A guy I worked with wasn’t feeling well and complaining of a headache. As noone had any painkillers, he wandered around opening random peoples draws until he found some tablets lying loosely about and swallowed them.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
Damn was hoping that you'd say that he'd taken some women's pills or something
Bit like the fools and horses scratch when uncle Albert eats some BobMartin dog tablets. Woof woof
Aren't you mixing up 2 classic comedies. Porridge had an episode where some pills were stolen, which Fletch had to swallow when Mckay caught him & which turned out to be for the Governors dog's bad breath
I've been out on the booze in the afternoon and someone has sharted and had to run into M&S to buy new clothes then into the gym for a shower before going back out and getting on it with clients and have had people unfit to return to work after getting on it on a Moday lunch time.
Other than that nothing REALLY sticks out, there have been loads of case's over the years when someone has been caught or boasted about sucking off/getting sucked off by colleague's.
A guy I worked with wasn’t feeling well and complaining of a headache. As noone had any painkillers, he wandered around opening random peoples draws until he found some tablets lying loosely about and swallowed them.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
Damn was hoping that you'd say that he'd taken some women's pills or something
Bit like the fools and horses scratch when uncle Albert eats some BobMartin dog tablets. Woof woof
Aren't you mixing up 2 classic comedies. Porridge had an episode where some pills were stolen, which Fletch had to swallow when Mckay caught him & which turned out to be for the Governors dog's bad breath
Nope, there is an OFAH where Uncle Albert eats the dog pills and Duke eats Albert's sleeping pills.
Comments
The AA man looked a bit perturbed at first, but they were getting like a house on fire by the end
He’s died about 20 years ago so I suppose naming him now won’t really matter now. His real name was Roy Quaker but everyone called Roy Crackers. The stories he told ranged from making sprockets in his shed for Rolls Royce to having his grandchildren making cakes with Jane Seymour. He had stories about working on Spitfires during the war despite being 8 years old in 1945. Apparently he was into rowing, made his own boat and rowed for his club against a young Olympic hopeful but could only keep up for the first 350 metres, he was 60 years old after all. He once applied for an internal vacancy and although everyone knew him and knew his job was a forklift truck fitter he put put on his application, Jet Engine Technician.
The one real big story in his life that was true, his wife got a £60K out of court settlement. He died of an enlarged heart due to years of breathing in trichloroethylene fumes from cleaning dirty forklift parts.
He was actually a lovely man without bad a bad bone in his body but once he started telling stories you could be there from tea break to lunchtime.
Nnnniiiiiiiicceeee. (louisbalfour.jpg)
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/macer-gifford-kurds-turkey-assad-peace-talks-geneva-sochi-pyd-erdogan-a8089566.html
After serving as a regular in the REME, he joimed the TA - rise to rank of Captain - early 80's his unit went on a big exercise in Germany - they set up a workshop in a farm, using the barns to repair tanks - at the back of the barn was a long curtain with the men's campbeds behind
Half way through the 2 weeks, Dad lets all the men go to the village bar for a few beers to relax a bit - one of the blokes was a new recruit and a bit odd
New bloke has one beer and heads off back to the farm on his own - Dad has a tent to himself - about 10.00pm he hears a big commotion in the barn - goes in and one of the men is beating up the oddball
Turns out the rest came back to the farm, drew back the curtain and oddball is laying stark bollock naked on a campbed, w#nking whilst holding the photo of one of the other blokes wifes !!!
Dad had to put him under arrest (oddball) but he had to stay as they were short of men - all his work was undertaken on his own watched by an MP and he was locked in cell at nearby MP base at night - back in England he was tried and discharged
Dad was gutted as the bloke was a bloody good mechanic !!!
It was funny as Fock at the time
Some months later, I was reading the paper at lunch break and turned to an article which featured this guy. Turns out, that he found his new wife had been cheating on him and had just married him for the bit of money that he had came into. He had battered her to death with a hammer, walked to the police station and handed himself in, he's now doing life!
We have a winner.
Same company I had a Charlton supporting colleague. Never before or since! He decides to 'not' pay in the takings for a few weeks somehow expecting nobody to notice £10,000 in cash. Anyway the old bill visit his home and find all the unspent loot in his wardrobe. There were no charges as i understood, but he never came back to work. Think he went n to work at Mc'D's.
A colleague I work with now, let slip one day that he's a bit of a wanker. So much so that he often struggles to get through the day, such is his libido, so will take himself off to the gents to crack one off. Odd thing to admit to work mates i felt!
That's what she told you!
It was a factory, very large American company. Lots and lots of weirdness went on there and plenty of real characters.
There was a guy from Zimbabwe or Rhodesia as he liked to call it. His name was and probably still is Glen. Glen had had a bad head injury at some point and he was left with quite a pronounced twitch which effected the whole of his upper body. Roy and Glen didn't like each other, one tea break they both got a little excited a stood nose to nose to each other. At this point Glen had one of his twitches, Roy mistook this for a pre-emptive attack by Glen, so pulled his fist back. Glen then thought he should do the same and for a magic 10 seconds there were these 2 men twitching and shadow boxing each other in front of a dozen fitters. Not one blow was landed. It was hilarious, I know it doesn't sound that funny and you would have probably had of been there to find it as funny I still do but at the time grown men had tears running down their faces watch them two not wanting to fight each other.
Glen was actually quite a strange bloke, he used to tell me tales of when he was back home in the army hunting terrorist over the boarder in Mozambique and what a nutter Robert Mugabe was. The army ones were real boys own stuff and the Mugabe ones just as tall. We all used to take the micky out of him and his rather tall stories, (some of which were horrific and filled with white phosphorous grenades and lots of machine guns). Over time despite his weirdness I actually realised he was probably telling the truth. He told me what Mugabe was like when we in the western world were still thinking he was one of the good guys. He also knew an unhealthy amount about guns.
There was another colleague who everybody liked, absolute great guy who got on with all. His previous job was as a welder on North Sea oil rigs so goes without saying how good he was.
He made Crime Watch on the BBC. This was back in the day of photo fits. Like most people I was of the opinion that no one could ever be identified from a photo-fit picture but they had Brian good, no doubt about it. They named him where he lived and what he had been up to.
He'd forged building society checks turned them into money and/or bought high end cars with them. The whole plant was gobsmacked, he never gave out any clues of a double life that he was leading. Never saw him again.
Next thing you know he (unsurprisingly) has an allegic reaction, his head swells to almost twice its size. This cues instant panic, ambulance trip and a visit to A&E,
The funny thing was, that he was back in the office the next morning as though nothing had happened.
We never found out what it was he swallowed as the bloke whose desk it was couldn't even remember having left any tablets in it!
Woof woof
Other than that nothing REALLY sticks out, there have been loads of case's over the years when someone has been caught or boasted about sucking off/getting sucked off by colleague's.
Del and Rodney think they've killed the dog.