A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
"I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
‘ Doctor my stomach is playing up and I can’t stop eating snooker balls. A couple of reds on a morning, midday a red, blue and pink then a late dinner of more reds two blacks a yellow and a brown”
Doctor “ There’s your problem, you’re not eating enough greens “
Comments
The bartender sees a man at the end that is drowning his sorrows in a drink. So he walks up to him and ask: "What's got you down, old son?"
The man sighs: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend."
"Yeah, that's a tough one."
"So I told her to pack her bags and be gone before I came back, 'cause I never want to see her again."
"What did you say to your friend?"
"Bad dog!"
Crude oil.
What comes bursting out of the earth shouting ‘testicles’!?
Breaking news: Diane Abbott formally recognises Plasticine.