Comments

• _MrDick

  September 10

  Two slices of bread got married. The wedding was going fine till someone decided to toast the bride and groom!
  

  10
• ForeverAddickted

  September 10

  The bartender sees a man at the end that is drowning his sorrows in a drink. So he walks up to him and ask: "What's got you down, old son?"

  The man sighs: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend."

  "Yeah, that's a tough one."

  "So I told her to pack her bags and be gone before I came back, 'cause I never want to see her again."

  "What did you say to your friend?"

  "Bad dog!"

  8
• AddicksAddict

  September 12

  
  

  1
• MrWalker

  September 14

  A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, 

  
  

  "I'm too old for this nonsense !" 

  
  

  So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

  
  

  The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, 

  
  

  "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

  
  

  The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- 

  
  

  "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

  
  

  The Cop left saying, 

  
  

  " Have a good day, Sir "...

  
  

  
  

  6
• jose

  September 15

  What comes bursting out of the earth shouting ‘bollocks’!?
  
  Crude oil.
  
  What comes bursting out of the earth shouting ‘testicles’!?

  
  

  Refined oil.

  6
• jose

  September 15

  If you don't spell 'Armageddon' correctly, it's not the end of the world.
  

  12
• ValleyGary

  September 18 edited September 18

  Was on the tube earlier and some mad bloke was teaching his dog to play the trumpet. Went from Barking to Tooting in 45 minutes.

  9
• SuedeAdidas

  September 18

  
  

  8
• _MrDick

  September 21

  ‘ Doctor my stomach is playing up and I can’t stop eating snooker balls. A couple of reds on a morning, midday a red, blue and pink then a late dinner of more reds two blacks a yellow and a brown”

  
  

  Doctor “ There’s your problem, you’re not eating enough greens “

  2
• _MrDick

  September 21

  A depressed man walks into a bar and sits down. He looks at the bartender and says, “Give me six double brandies.”

  The bartender raises an eyebrow. “Rough day?”

  “You could say that,” the man sighs. “I just found out my dad is gay.”

  The next day, the same man returns, looking even more dejected. He orders another six double brandies.

  The bartender shakes his head. “Back again? What happened this time?”

  With a deep sigh, the man replies, “I just found out my son is gay too.”

  On the third day, the man stumbles in once more, looking completely defeated. Again, he orders six double brandies.

  The bartender, now genuinely concerned, leans in and asks.. 
  

  “Doesn’t anyone in you family like women?”

  “Yes, my wife”

  
  

  2