A government bad weather warning has said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets or sleeping bag, extra clothing including a scarf hat and gloves,24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch with spare batteries, safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can, 1st aid kit and jump leads...I looked a right twat on the bus this morning !!!
Fellah arrives home from work and is met at the door by his sobbing wife.
He asks her what has happened and, Tearfully, she explains,
“It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”
Immediately He drives to town to confront the pharmacist and demands an apology.
Before he can say more than a word or two, the pharmacist says to him:
“Just a minute, and listen to my side of it...."
"This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the shop, I got a flat tire.
When I finally got to the shop there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up and the phone was already ringing non-stop.
I got the store opened and started serving those people, and all the time the bloody phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continues,
“Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor."
"So, I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins; the phone was still ringing and getting me more than a bit annoyed.
“When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it."
"Half of them hit the floor and broke. You can imagine the stench of that mixed up perfume overload!"
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it."
"It was your wife, and she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer."
"Believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
Comments
Was excellent live, saw him several times
He has surprised me though. I didn’t think he could organise a pi** up!
"So the chief whip has told them to bring their own boos".