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    guinnessaddickguinnessaddick

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    DaveMehmetDaveMehmet
    man_at_milletts said:

    You’re 
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    man_at_millettsman_at_milletts
    DaveMehmet said:
    man_at_milletts said:

    You’re 


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    ForeverAddicktedForeverAddickted

    One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.

    Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

    "Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."

    Very interesting," said Jesus. "Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?"

    "Oh, yes, many times," answered the old man. "But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards."

    Jesus couldn't believe it. Could this actually be His father?

    "One last question," He said. "Were you a carpenter?"

    "Why yes," replied the old man. "Yes I was."

    Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, "Dad?"

    The old man rubbed his eyes and said, "Pinocchio?"

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    IdleHansIdleHans
    Surely HMP Strangeways
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    carly burncarly burn
    IdleHans said:
    Surely HMP Strangeways
     Yes. But you get the sentiment.
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    IdleHansIdleHans
    carly burn said:
    IdleHans said:
    Surely HMP Strangeways
     Yes. But you get the sentiment.
    Well of course, but pedants will pick up on it.
    As indeed I have done
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    man_at_millettsman_at_milletts
    IdleHans said:
    Surely HMP Strangeways

    HMS Strangeways!  Showertime doesn't bear thinking about!
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    ken_shabbyken_shabby
    My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...
    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....
    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed…..
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    Hal1xHal1x
    cafcsinger said:
    ken_shabby said:
    My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...
    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....
    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed…..
    Congratulations, this could be the worst 'joke' in 246 pages! 
    The best joke is that someone wasted quarter of an hour typing it out!.
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    arny23394arny23394
    ken_shabby said:
    My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...
    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....
    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed…..

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    ken_shabbyken_shabby
    You are mean. I spent hours typing that out.
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    superdulvertonredsuperdulvertonred
    Made me laugh!


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    SoundAsa£SoundAsa£
    edited February 2022
    superdulvertonred said:
    Made me laugh!


    Are you American by any chance?
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    Hal1xHal1x
    ken_shabby said:
    You are mean. I spent hours typing that out.
    Was there not some point when you thought, I really cant be arsed its not even funny?!
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    eastterrace6168eastterrace6168
    Hal1x said:
    ken_shabby said:
    You are mean. I spent hours typing that out.
    Was there not some point when you thought, I really cant be arsed its not even funny?!
    I think the guy was being ironic rather than funny, not really jokes though were they... B)
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    ken_shabby said:
    You are mean. I spent hours typing that out.
    I know you are joking but I did have a chuckle at you furiously typing that post out rather than cut and paste
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    Swindon_AddickSwindon_Addick

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