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Jokes..

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    Arthur_TrudgillArthur_Trudgill
    1) Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum? It was Stollen.

    2) Why is Elon Musk’s Christmas dinner so awkward? He can’t stop talking about his X.

    2) Why isn’t Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year? Chic-Ken is enough.
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    _MrDick_MrDick
    A mate asked me to lend him £10,000 so he could have some plastic surgery but now I can’t get my money back … don’t know what he looks like 
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    _MrDick said:
    A mate asked me to lend him £10,000 so he could have some plastic surgery but now I can’t get my money back … don’t know what he looks like 
    Someone is a Deal or no Deal fan
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    AddicksAddictAddicksAddict
    MrOneLung said:
    _MrDick said:
    A mate asked me to lend him £10,000 so he could have some plastic surgery but now I can’t get my money back … don’t know what he looks like 
    Someone is a Deal or no Deal fan
    is anybody actually a deal or no deal Fan?
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    seth plumseth plum
    What's blue and not that heavy?

    Light blue.
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    seth plumseth plum
    Today I learnt Albert Einstein was a real person. I'd always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
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    cafcfancafcfan
    AddicksAddict said:

    Look at the size of her feet - what's that all about?  (And that looks like the FA Cup up behind her head!)
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    MrOneLungMrOneLung
    cafcfan said:
    AddicksAddict said:

    Look at the size of her feet - what's that all about?  (And that looks like the FA Cup up behind her head!)
    looks like she is gonna sit on the loo behind her as well
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    MrWalkerMrWalker
    and someones chucked an amphora at her bonce
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    ForeverAddicktedForeverAddickted
    MrWalker said:
    and someones chucked an amphora at her bonce
    Tennis racket too, by the looks of things... She werent very popular was she
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    BlackheathenBlackheathen
    A guy goes out drinking every night before rolling home drunk, at midnight, to a frosty welcome from his long-suffering wife.  She tells a friend how unbearable the atmosphere is becoming between herself and her husband.

    The friend suggests she takes a different tack.  Instead of haranguing him when he gets in, she should treat him with compassion.  That night, the husband staggers in late as usual, but this time he is greeted with a friendly kiss.  His wife sits him in his favourite chair, brings him his slippers and makes him a nice cup of tea.

    He can hardly believe it.  Where are the insults and accusations?  After a while she says “It’s getting late dear.  I think we’d better go upstairs to bed”

    ”We might as well’ slurs the husband ‘I’ll be in trouble when I get home anyway”
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    cafcfancafcfan
    May be an image of toy and text
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    _MrDick_MrDick

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    BlackheathenBlackheathen
    That reminds me of a Benny Goodman (famed jazz clarinetist) story Mr Dick.  He was a notorious Scrooge, often the butt of musical hall jokes.

    One Christmas Benny got all the wives of band members together for afternoon tea.  With the ladies all sitting round in the lounge one of his guests remarked how chilly it was.

    Benny agreed and went upstairs, and came back with a thick cardigan on.
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    cafcfancafcfan
    No description available
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    seth plumseth plum
    I shouted "COW!" at a woman on a bike, she made a rude gesture

    ...

    and then ran straight into the cow. I tried!
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    seth plumseth plum
    What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness?

    Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
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    seth plumseth plum
    The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll.
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