(True story: my Uncle died while on holiday in Perth. The instructed funeral directors rang and apologised, saying they could not find the body at any of the Perth hospitals and asked if they should search anywhere else in Australia. It had to be explained to them that they needed to contact Perth Royal Infirmary - in Scotland.)
(True story: my Uncle died while on holiday in Perth. The instructed funeral directors rang and apologised, saying they could not find the body at any of the Perth hospitals and asked if they should search anywhere else in Australia. It had to be explained to them that they needed to contact Perth Royal Infirmary - in Scotland.)
That’s why it’s on the jokes page as against the “strange but true” page.
After I’d ordered, a little old lady came up to me and said, “You really are a polite young man and dressed so smart. You have such lovely manners and you’re so very handsome, too”.
Matthew Kelly was introducing a guest on Stars In Their Eyes. MK: "Next up I have Simon Smith from London, who has a rather inspirational story! Simon, could you tell us about how you've successfully overcome adversity?" SS: "Yes, of course. I had an accident when I was younger and had both legs amputated, but soon after that, my dad's brother died and donated his legs to me in his will. So the doctors did a graft and enabled me to walk again." MK: "Fantastic! So who are you going to be?" SS: "Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and Halfuncle."
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(True story: my Uncle died while on holiday in Perth. The instructed funeral directors rang and apologised, saying they could not find the body at any of the Perth hospitals and asked if they should search anywhere else in Australia. It had to be explained to them that they needed to contact Perth Royal Infirmary - in Scotland.)
Contestant: Mud
Quizmaster: That’s right, that’s right, that’s right, etc.
Let me know if you want to take a quick gander
Smoking crack?
Yes, and her tits were nice too.
”Pop” goes the weasel.
They asked: "Do you have reservations?"
"Yes, but I’m flying with you anyway."
From Cork who got limericks
Confused with haikus
Said never again
Lay down and had a good snooze
After I’d ordered, a little old lady came up to me and said, “You really are a polite young man and dressed so smart. You have such lovely manners and you’re so very handsome, too”.
It was the complimentary Nan ...
"What do Spanish Secret Agents eat?"
"Spaella".
Especially if it’s Piers Morgan.
And it’s a glass door.
Restaurant: “do you want to hear the specials today?”
Me: “sure”
Restaurant: “This town, ahhhh, ahhhh is getting like a ghost town”
MK: "Next up I have Simon Smith from London, who has a rather inspirational story! Simon, could you tell us about how you've successfully overcome adversity?"
SS: "Yes, of course. I had an accident when I was younger and had both legs amputated, but soon after that, my dad's brother died and donated his legs to me in his will. So the doctors did a graft and enabled me to walk again."
MK: "Fantastic! So who are you going to be?"
SS: "Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and Halfuncle."