Saw Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes with the whole family last night. Ratings out of 10 from the 4 of us were 7.5, 8.5, 9 (me) and 10.
The premise is simple enough and the pace a little slow, but that pace enables the story tellers to properly engross you in a future state Earth run by talking 🦍s and sets ups the next two in this trilogy in a way in which not everything is as obvious as it could seem.
Will the next two focus on all out war - remaining mankind vs apes or will the protagonists seek and find a way in which both mankind and apes can live together?
Visually it was stunning, if the cinematographer and SFX teams are not up for Oscars and BAFTAs next year, it will be a travesty. The acting was very compelling. Andy Serkis has made an incredibly successful living out of motion capture acting, but this bunch, particularly Owen Teague and Peter Macon did complete justice to the art.
Would I see it again, not immediately, but not because I didn’t love it, but because the pace was sufficiently slow and my focus was 100% that I fully got it, fully enjoyed it and feel fully ready for the next instalment.
A great kick off to summer movie season… 👏🦍👏
P.S. I loved the nods the composer John Paesano gave to the original Apes movie. Didn’t over do it, but if you loved the classic, you will know where and when and think, that’s cool…
I didn’t really like the last Mad Max film, so my expectations were very low.
However I thought this one was epic, bonkers, nuts and anyone other descriptive adjective you could throw at it.
150 minutes long, I can’t imagine what it would be like watching this in an IMAX cinema, or 4DX cinema, cracking film, worth a watch, but probably comes across better on the big screen, rather than at home.
King Kong x Godzilla or whatever it's called. Possibly the most forgettable film I have ever seen. I can honestly only remember about 10 minutes of it. No idea how it ended. Seems mad to me that they spend so much time and effort making a decent TV show (Monarch: Legacy of Monsters) and have a film that pays it no mind, and tonally is completely different. Given how good Kong: Skull Island was, and how patient Gareth Edwards's Godzilla was, it's a real shame that they've turned this franchise into a Marvel-style cartoon. 2 out of 11
The Fall Guy - A charming cast and some excellent fight choreography can't save a paper thin plot. The plot is so non-existent that it could only serve a purpose in a parody movie, which this kind of is, only it doesn't go full parody so it needs a far smarter story. I really didn't understand the tone at all. 3 out of 7
Kingdom of the Apes - This instalment really missed Matt Reeves. He has a patience in his edits that elevates the two films he made above popcorn fare, and while this story is in keeping with what Reeves did, and continues to set up an ongoing franchise, there's an X factor that's lacking that I can only really put down to the direction. And maybe the casting - the lead human is a remarkably attractive 22-year-old woman, which is about 20 years too young given her purpose and knowledge etc. and it nearly torpedoes the move. It's such a shame. It's a move I don't think Reeves would have allowed. The plot is basically lifted from Apocalypto, and there was a big challenge in replacing Caesar and his arc, and I'm not sure they quite pulled it off. Still, I did enjoy this one. 5 out of 8.
Saw IF yesterday. Was expecting a bit more comedy with RR involved, but can only think of 1 or 2 actual laughs. Very sickly sweet but my daughter liked it. I had higher hopes.
Saw IF yesterday. Was expecting a bit more comedy with RR involved, but can only think of 1 or 2 actual laughs. Very sickly sweet but my daughter liked it. I had higher hopes.
Looks like I'm in a minority on here in liking this. Nice to see RR in a straight role and maybe the fact that I'm an old git made me appreciate it more.
Furiosa. Anya Taylor Joy is very good. Hemsworth is having a ball. It’s a decent script for a well put together film. If you like Mad Max 2 particularly, you’ll like this.
The Last Stop in Yuma County - an indie Neo-noir movie which I would describe as budget Tarantino with a few unexpected outcomes. Overall enjoyed it, 90 minutes long, which makes a pleasant change from 2.5 hours+ movies being released in general.
A film to catch on a flight or for a bit of ‘bloody’ entertainment. It’s not meant to be particularly funny, but as the situation plays out, you do arrive at one or two “oh my God” chuckle moments.
I watched Atlas on Netflix over the weekend. What could have been an interesting premise turned into a pretty formulaic 'hero single-handedly takes on a planet full of baddies' CGI fest (and not particularly great CGI at that tbh). I hope Mark Strong got paid well for this hocum too.
I had forgotten what a wooden actor Jennifer Lopez is too or I would probably avoided it.
I watched Atlas on Netflix over the weekend. What could have been an interesting premise turned into a pretty formulaic 'hero single-handedly takes on a planet full of baddies' CGI fest (and not particularly great CGI at that tbh). I hope Mark Strong got paid well for this hocum too.
I had forgotten what a wooden actor Jennifer Lopez is too or I would probably avoided it.
Last year I watched an old Oliver Stone film called U Turn starring Sean Penn and JLo. Sean Penn was good while JLo was really poor and I remember thinking she should've just stuck to her singing career.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
It's like a Panda Cole version of John Wick. Cool fight scenes, some inventive stuff. Stupid plot, slightly understated performance from Statham (he's at one on his dial that can reach, at best, three) but sadly underpinned by a story that doesn't allow for Statham to ever be in danger or trouble so the lack of peril makes it a bit boring. Just a wrecking ball powering through each scene.
3 out of 11
EDIT - I don't know how to do spoiler tags on here!
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's up there with the Meg 2
Only found out the other day that this was directed by Ben Wheatley(!?)
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's up there with the Meg 2
Only found out the other day that this was directed by Ben Wheatley(!?)
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's up there with the Meg 2
Only found out the other day that this was directed by Ben Wheatley(!?)
Have you seen Free Fire?! Terrible also.
I actually didn't mind Free Fire too much, but thought Rebecca was awful - weird as even if I didn't *love* a lot of his early stuff, he was still kind of doing interesting things.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's up there with the Meg 2
Only found out the other day that this was directed by Ben Wheatley(!?)
Have you seen Free Fire?! Terrible also.
I thought Free Fire was a decent leave your brain at the door kind of film.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's up there with the Meg 2
Only found out the other day that this was directed by Ben Wheatley(!?)
Have you seen Free Fire?! Terrible also.
I thought Free Fire was a decent leave your brain at the door kind of film.
I quite enjoyed Free Fire! I had not realised how mainstream Wheatley he had gone. Totally agree with you Addickhead86, his early stuff had a unique feel even if it wasn't for me. He knows how to serve up shocking violence a bit like S.Craig Zahler. Maybe he had to start playing the game after High Rise. My colleagues at the time rated it as the worst movie of the year, which is some achievement for a year that featured Human Centipede 3 and 50 Shades of Grey.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
Watched it on the plane home on Wednesday and thought it was rubbish to be honest
A French film, in French and helpfully and often hilariously dubbed. The plot is fairly simple and one not entirely explained but whatever. A massive super intelligent, self breeding shark gets into the stinking river Seine that runs through Paris and all hell breaks loose.
I loved this film, it was stupid, it had all the stereotypes in, had some scenes where I had to pause as I was laughing so much and I put that down to the direction, it knows what it is and it embraces it. Also has a quality ending
It is what it claims to be and doesn't try to be clever. Thoroughly recommended
The Watchers… Horror / Sci Fi 6 out of 10. A good plot in theory, but doesn’t really work in the movie. Jumps around a bit, and has elements that you think are in the plot, but they go nowhere. A the end is a bit….. what… !
Comments
If you liked the other movies, you’ll probably like it, if not don’t bother, interested on what you make of it, I quite enjoyed it.
The premise is simple enough and the pace a little slow, but that pace enables the story tellers to properly engross you in a future state Earth run by talking 🦍s and sets ups the next two in this trilogy in a way in which not everything is as obvious as it could seem.
P.S. I loved the nods the composer John Paesano gave to the original Apes movie. Didn’t over do it, but if you loved the classic, you will know where and when and think, that’s cool…
Can’t wait to see it now 🤩
in the desert!
I didn’t really like the last Mad Max film, so my expectations were very low.
However I thought this one was epic, bonkers, nuts and anyone other descriptive adjective you could throw at it.
150 minutes long, I can’t imagine what it would be like watching this in an IMAX cinema, or 4DX cinema, cracking film, worth a watch, but probably comes across better on the big screen, rather than at home.
Saw this with my daughter. A very enjoyable film about childhood and loss - a good family film.
Saw the trailer to Inside Out 2 though - really looking forward to that, first one is such an amazing film.
Inside Out was a very clever film and I look forward to seeing the second instalment.
The Fall Guy - A charming cast and some excellent fight choreography can't save a paper thin plot. The plot is so non-existent that it could only serve a purpose in a parody movie, which this kind of is, only it doesn't go full parody so it needs a far smarter story. I really didn't understand the tone at all. 3 out of 7
Kingdom of the Apes - This instalment really missed Matt Reeves. He has a patience in his edits that elevates the two films he made above popcorn fare, and while this story is in keeping with what Reeves did, and continues to set up an ongoing franchise, there's an X factor that's lacking that I can only really put down to the direction. And maybe the casting - the lead human is a remarkably attractive 22-year-old woman, which is about 20 years too young given her purpose and knowledge etc. and it nearly torpedoes the move. It's such a shame. It's a move I don't think Reeves would have allowed. The plot is basically lifted from Apocalypto, and there was a big challenge in replacing Caesar and his arc, and I'm not sure they quite pulled it off. Still, I did enjoy this one. 5 out of 8.
I had forgotten what a wooden actor Jennifer Lopez is too or I would probably avoided it.
It's been quite some time since I watched a film and thought to myself, I am so glad I pressed play on this film. This film is the best thing I have done today. I immediately text my sister and told her to watch it. She said it looks mediocre. So I had to stress to her, that a mediocre film would indeed be a waste of time. But this film is not mediocre. This film lies down in bed at night and dreams of mediocrity. It would give anything to scale the heights of mediocrity. To stand alongside mediocre films in some sort of line-up and look to the left and see Ant-Man 2, then look to the right and see Thor: The Dark World and then think, "I belong here".
Madame Web does not belong in the company of mediocre superhero films. It is so far from that, that to compare it to Ant-Man 2 is like comparing a broken pencil sharpener to a chair.
There is so much to witness here. The editing, which is so batshit crazy it demands to be admired if you can convince your brain that you are not in fact on a boat during a tsunami. The lack of coverage that means the additional dialogue recording is incredibly blatant to the point that sometimes, you can literally see characters' mouths not moving while they talk (one character has his entire performance dubbed lol). And talking of seeing things, look out for the boom mics creeping into shot!
The performances are on a level that have to be seen to be believed. At first you will wonder if you had over-estimated the ability of the people you recognise, and then realise that they're all on the same level, it can't be them. There has to be something else going on here. And there is. Mercy, there is.
The script. Good lord the script. The writers chose not to discuss the tone with the director, or the cast, so nobody involved has any sense of whether this is a comedy or not. But that only make it more glorious. The laughs will come, I swear it. Will they be as the writers intended? Absolutely not. But the laughs will come.
You will also ponder the logic. Like when the main character says "grab that beef jerky, we don't want to have to kill squirrels" because they are hiding in Central Park for a couple of hours. Or why a shy girl, when asked to lie low, ends up dancing on a table in a diner an hour later. Or how the lead character walks away from New York, ends up in the Amazon with a map that looks like she got it off the back of a cereal packet, immediately finds what she's looking for, and gets back into New York for the next scene, which I am sure was only an hour after she left.
This is a masterpiece. We're lucky if one in a thousand films is like Madame Web. We will never see a sequel. Which is something we're just going to have to live with.
1000/1000
It's like a Panda Cole version of John Wick. Cool fight scenes, some inventive stuff. Stupid plot, slightly understated performance from Statham (he's at one on his dial that can reach, at best, three) but sadly underpinned by a story that doesn't allow for Statham to ever be in danger or trouble so the lack of peril makes it a bit boring. Just a wrecking ball powering through each scene.
3 out of 11
EDIT - I don't know how to do spoiler tags on here!
Terrible also.
A French film, in French and helpfully and often hilariously dubbed. The plot is fairly simple and one not entirely explained but whatever. A massive super intelligent, self breeding shark gets into the stinking river Seine that runs through Paris and all hell breaks loose.
I loved this film, it was stupid, it had all the stereotypes in, had some scenes where I had to pause as I was laughing so much and I put that down to the direction, it knows what it is and it embraces it. Also has a quality ending
It is what it claims to be and doesn't try to be clever. Thoroughly recommended
7/10