Probably already in here somewhere, but those Jodrells who get a surprise when they're asked to pay at check-outs. Mind you, being a grumpy old git, I have many such pet hates!
When you queue ages for food at somewhere like KFC, the person in front gets to the till and then spends even more time looking at the menu and debating what to order.
If you're tailgated then put the hazard lights on, and brake a little bit, when they first back off, then realise, then overtake, stare fixedly ahead grinning, with your middle finger showing at the window. This happened to me when we went to Bristol City in the cup, and the geezer immediately cut back in front of me, furious, instead of zooming on and away. Obviously that brought out the coffee bean reaction in me, and exaggerated laughing, which infuriated him more, and he spent some time weaving red faced around me, intimating that we should take the next exit and have a fight about it. I nodded and jabbed seeming to agree, and then when he exited, I drove straight on....call me a coward if you like, but I didn't want to miss the kick off!
Middle Lane drivers on Motorways Drivers who almost got their front side touching my backside lol Slow Drivers Drivers using mobile phones Lorry Drivers
Big open plan offices
People who answer a question of the form "Is it A or B?" with "Yes"
People who link to stuff on Facebook (or any other site that requires you to be logged in) and assume that you automatically know what they're talking about.
Couriers that won't redeliver on Saturdays
My flatmate watches a lot of soaps, which is bad enough, but when the music plays for the commercial break or the end, he makes some stupid 'ooooooh' sound.
pickeys that come up to you when you are washing your car and say 'I'l give you £100 for your car' when; 1) it is clearly worth at least a thousand 2) it hasn't got a for sale sign on
....happened last weekend.
also when with a woman on a date she checks texts when you are in her company, but also replies to them. worse still answer her phone AND have a lengthy conversation whilst you sit staring at your glass!!! i mean come on what about manners? and before you say its because she wasn't interested, she still came back for coffee and then breakfast etc.
People who wear Sunglasses when it's dark, raining or night time.
The made up accent of todays "Grime" singersartistsstars tossers.
Middle aged people telling me life is easier for young people now when there is no way they could afford to buy the houses they now live in on their current income.
All newspapers especially Newspapers who bleat about how much the facebook creator is worth, whilst not mentioning until deep in the article that he has given over 17 billion to charity. Why not turn it round and make its readers feel slightly better about the world?
Politicans that go on telly to get asked questions then fail to answer them. I'm all for Paxman style hectoring. I'd love to see broadcasters just terminating discussions and going onto something else if these public servants try and turn interviews into party political broadcasts.
I hope that made your day in a positive way, Windscreen!
And while I am here, something that makes my blood boil is those TV cop shows where crimes are penalised with ludicrously light sentences. Currently on a re run of Police Interceptors - no MOT and no licence - £100 and banned for 20 months. What?
illegal taxi driver without insurance , a bollocking and let off? What??
FFS A life of crime looks increasingly attractive!
And by the way I HATE the Daily Mail with a vengeance
Misplaced casual racism (assuming incorrectly that someone is from one particular race and using a stereotype or insult for that race)
People who ignore informal queues (ie where there's no barriers to prevent you from skipping). Special mention for people at coach stations who just walk up past the queue, stick their bag in and waltz up to the very front and onto the bus.
People who give a running commentary of their life. I can put up with it some of the time, but I really don't need to know if you enjoy the taste of that glass of water.
People who regularly talk back to the TV when they're not alone.
People who talk in glowing culinary terms of some garbage they bought from Tesco, where their sole contribution to its cooking was to remove the cardboard sleeve and stick it in the microwave.
Fully fit adults who can't cook for themselves. This includes people who always depend on jars of sauce, packets etc., but I will make an exception if you cook any one thing that involves 6 separate ingredients. You don't have to be a master chef to be able to rustle up your own food now and again.
People who don't cook for themselves, depend on processed food, and then wonder why they can't shift their weight. I don't care how heavy or light you are (I'm not one to judge anyway), but if you're trying to lose weight, maybe a good place to start is to cut out the rubbish from your £1 pizza from Iceland.
Annoying children in public places. Actually, no. I think the children are fine. I have no problem with the kids. It's the parents that bug me, constantly fussing and telling them to be quiet and sit down and do this do that etc when the kids are doing nothing wrong. If a child wants to stand on a train, what harm? I'd much rather listen to two kids talking or even shouting than their parents telling them to be quiet. To some extent, I don't mind it, and it's needed, but when I'm spending two hours on a train and all I can hear for the whole time is parents telling off their kids, I get angry. Also hate when I'm used as a discipline device (eg 'he'll be very annoyed if you keep doing that and will take the toys away...'). Special mention for mothers who tell their babies to 'shut up' when they're crying. Again, I would much rather listen to a baby cry than you telling it off. When they shout at their babies, it makes me cry inside.
Similar issue with animals, although that's something that happens indoors. Your cat isn't going to shut up because you say so.
I'll leave out Charlton stuff. Feeling far too grumpy for that.
Mother in law was round last night, so we had to watch Strictly Come Dancing. What an appalling pile of excrement that show is. I hate every thing about it, starting with its stupid synthesized name:
Strictly Ballroom (heartwarming though overly sentimental film about triumph in the face of adversity) + Come Dancing (dull programme showcasing people with a genuine interest in dance) = Strictly Come Dancing (an opportunity for minor list celebs to massage their supermassive egos and get the publicity they desperately crave as their chosen careers are fizzling out).
Huge lottery pay outs. Instead of giving one person more millions than they could ever possibly need, why not give loads of people a maximum of say 5 million
Comments
When you queue ages for food at somewhere like KFC, the person in front gets to the till and then spends even more time looking at the menu and debating what to order.
Drivers who have forgotten how to use their indicators (which appears to be about 90% of you. Wha'appen?)
Arsenal
Millwall
This happened to me when we went to Bristol City in the cup, and the geezer immediately cut back in front of me, furious, instead of zooming on and away.
Obviously that brought out the coffee bean reaction in me, and exaggerated laughing, which infuriated him more, and he spent some time weaving red faced around me, intimating that we should take the next exit and have a fight about it. I nodded and jabbed seeming to agree, and then when he exited, I drove straight on....call me a coward if you like, but I didn't want to miss the kick off!
Drivers who almost got their front side touching my backside lol
Slow Drivers
Drivers using mobile phones
Lorry Drivers
did you not just hear me you knob ? I said "JUST THOSE THANKS!"
People who answer a question of the form "Is it A or B?" with "Yes"
People who link to stuff on Facebook (or any other site that requires you to be logged in) and assume that you automatically know what they're talking about.
Couriers that won't redeliver on Saturdays
1) it is clearly worth at least a thousand
2) it hasn't got a for sale sign on
....happened last weekend.
also when with a woman on a date she checks texts when you are in her company, but also replies to them. worse still answer her phone AND have a lengthy conversation whilst you sit staring at your glass!!! i mean come on what about manners? and before you say its because she wasn't interested, she still came back for coffee and then breakfast etc.
BT.
John Barrowman
Louis Walsh, I phucking hate him with a passion, clueless BASTARD!! Wheres my baseball bat?
The made up accent of todays "Grime" singers artistsstars tossers.
Middle aged people telling me life is easier for young people now when there is no way they could afford to buy the houses they now live in on their current income.
especially
Newspapers who bleat about how much the facebook creator is worth, whilst not mentioning until deep in the article that he has given over 17 billion to charity.
Why not turn it round and make its readers feel slightly better about the world?
And while I am here, something that makes my blood boil is those TV cop shows where crimes are penalised with ludicrously light sentences.
Currently on a re run of Police Interceptors - no MOT and no licence - £100 and banned for 20 months. What?
illegal taxi driver without insurance , a bollocking and let off? What??
FFS A life of crime looks increasingly attractive!
And by the way I HATE the Daily Mail with a vengeance
Misplaced casual racism (assuming incorrectly that someone is from one particular race and using a stereotype or insult for that race)
People who ignore informal queues (ie where there's no barriers to prevent you from skipping). Special mention for people at coach stations who just walk up past the queue, stick their bag in and waltz up to the very front and onto the bus.
People who give a running commentary of their life. I can put up with it some of the time, but I really don't need to know if you enjoy the taste of that glass of water.
People who regularly talk back to the TV when they're not alone.
People who talk in glowing culinary terms of some garbage they bought from Tesco, where their sole contribution to its cooking was to remove the cardboard sleeve and stick it in the microwave.
Fully fit adults who can't cook for themselves. This includes people who always depend on jars of sauce, packets etc., but I will make an exception if you cook any one thing that involves 6 separate ingredients. You don't have to be a master chef to be able to rustle up your own food now and again.
People who don't cook for themselves, depend on processed food, and then wonder why they can't shift their weight. I don't care how heavy or light you are (I'm not one to judge anyway), but if you're trying to lose weight, maybe a good place to start is to cut out the rubbish from your £1 pizza from Iceland.
Annoying children in public places. Actually, no. I think the children are fine. I have no problem with the kids. It's the parents that bug me, constantly fussing and telling them to be quiet and sit down and do this do that etc when the kids are doing nothing wrong. If a child wants to stand on a train, what harm? I'd much rather listen to two kids talking or even shouting than their parents telling them to be quiet. To some extent, I don't mind it, and it's needed, but when I'm spending two hours on a train and all I can hear for the whole time is parents telling off their kids, I get angry. Also hate when I'm used as a discipline device (eg 'he'll be very annoyed if you keep doing that and will take the toys away...'). Special mention for mothers who tell their babies to 'shut up' when they're crying. Again, I would much rather listen to a baby cry than you telling it off. When they shout at their babies, it makes me cry inside.
Similar issue with animals, although that's something that happens indoors. Your cat isn't going to shut up because you say so.
I'll leave out Charlton stuff. Feeling far too grumpy for that.
Grrr makes my blood boil
Strictly Ballroom (heartwarming though overly sentimental film about triumph in the face of adversity) + Come Dancing (dull programme showcasing people with a genuine interest in dance) = Strictly Come Dancing (an opportunity for minor list celebs to massage their supermassive egos and get the publicity they desperately crave as their chosen careers are fizzling out).
It is complete and utter tosh.
For those semi-illiterate turds; it's 'should HAVE', or 'could HAVE'.
Instead of giving one person more millions than they could ever possibly need, why not give loads of people a maximum of say 5 million
They make me count to minus ten.