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Best nicknames you've ever heard

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  • Used to play darts with a guy who lost half his ear,nickname 18 months because he had an ear and half.
  • edited January 2017
    My dad used to work with a bloke called Bill Berry. His nickname was Whortle.

    (bilberries and whortleberries apparently being the same thing)
  • Knew a bloke who was going bald but kept his pony tail to disguise this fact.
    Known as "the crafty comber"

    Initials MR?
    How did you guess?
  • Knew a bloke who was going bald but kept his pony tail to disguise this fact.
    Known as "the crafty comber"

    Initials MR?
    How did you guess?
    Elementary....

  • Kitkat - dropped a manhole lid on his hand and lost a finger
    Geoff the nonce - lovely, lovely guy just looked like a paedophile
    Fingerbum - got himself in a bit of a tizz as a youth while slowdancing with one of medway's lovely ladies and put his digit in the wrong place
    Clingfilm - I appreciate the tone of these nicknames so I'm not going to explain this one
    Sean the bastard - he's just a b'stard
    Tomorrhea - always picking up doses and his name is Tom
    Fingers - similar to Kitkat he sawed a few of his fingers off making a gate and now whilst having most of his fingers back they are incredibly weird looking
    Shitler - shat his pants on a stag do years ago
    Gay dave - I don't know why he's called this, he isn't gay
    Rumple - as in splitskin he tore his foreskin and made the mistake of telling someone
    Bowlhead - fancies himself as a Liam Gallagher-a-like in reality his hair looks like a bowl has been placed over his melon and hair snipped around it
    Tiny - weighs at least 25 stone

    From those above from other posters manbat is my fave
  • Had a teacher at Middle School who had bad acne scars, he was known as "planish".
    Mate of mine is Johnny Onespeed. No matter what he is doing it's always at about 20% slower than anyone else.

    Here's the ultimate nickname guide:

    http://mymusiconearth.blogspot.pt/2012/02/greg-davies-nicknames.html

    The comments section of that video on YouTube has a bloke called Hugh Campbell who gets called Huge Cumball.

    Amazing.

    Mumbo was brilliant too.
    Jennifer Lawrence on the set of the Hunger Games films, playing Katniss Everdean, got given a nickname something like Catpiss Neverclean.
  • Carter said:


    Kitkat - dropped a manhole lid on his hand and lost a finger
    Geoff the nonce - lovely, lovely guy just looked like a paedophile
    Fingerbum - got himself in a bit of a tizz as a youth while slowdancing with one of medway's lovely ladies and put his digit in the wrong place
    Clingfilm - I appreciate the tone of these nicknames so I'm not going to explain this one
    Sean the bastard - he's just a b'stard
    Tomorrhea - always picking up doses and his name is Tom
    Fingers - similar to Kitkat he sawed a few of his fingers off making a gate and now whilst having most of his fingers back they are incredibly weird looking
    Shitler - shat his pants on a stag do years ago
    Gay dave - I don't know why he's called this, he isn't gay
    Rumple - as in splitskin he tore his foreskin and made the mistake of telling someone
    Bowlhead - fancies himself as a Liam Gallagher-a-like in reality his hair looks like a bowl has been placed over his melon and hair snipped around it
    Tiny - weighs at least 25 stone

    From those above from other posters manbat is my fave

    Fingerbum - purely a matter of taste whether that's the wrong place or not (and I'm not suggesting anyone taste his finger).

    Gay dave - perhaps he's just lighthearted and carefree?
  • Carter said:


    Kitkat - dropped a manhole lid on his hand and lost a finger
    Geoff the nonce - lovely, lovely guy just looked like a paedophile
    Fingerbum - got himself in a bit of a tizz as a youth while slowdancing with one of medway's lovely ladies and put his digit in the wrong place
    Clingfilm - I appreciate the tone of these nicknames so I'm not going to explain this one
    Sean the bastard - he's just a b'stard
    Tomorrhea - always picking up doses and his name is Tom
    Fingers - similar to Kitkat he sawed a few of his fingers off making a gate and now whilst having most of his fingers back they are incredibly weird looking
    Shitler - shat his pants on a stag do years ago
    Gay dave - I don't know why he's called this, he isn't gay
    Rumple - as in splitskin he tore his foreskin and made the mistake of telling someone
    Bowlhead - fancies himself as a Liam Gallagher-a-like in reality his hair looks like a bowl has been placed over his melon and hair snipped around it
    Tiny - weighs at least 25 stone

    From those above from other posters manbat is my fave

    Fingerbum - purely a matter of taste whether that's the wrong place or not (and I'm not suggesting anyone taste his finger).

    Gay dave - perhaps he's just lighthearted and carefree?
    Nah at the time we were all about 14 maybe 15 and that was definitely a no no then. He wiped his finger under one of my mates noses who just said 'it smells like shit Paul' and he reckons all the scrubbing in the world never rid him of that smell
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  • Carter said:

    Carter said:


    Kitkat - dropped a manhole lid on his hand and lost a finger
    Geoff the nonce - lovely, lovely guy just looked like a paedophile
    Fingerbum - got himself in a bit of a tizz as a youth while slowdancing with one of medway's lovely ladies and put his digit in the wrong place
    Clingfilm - I appreciate the tone of these nicknames so I'm not going to explain this one
    Sean the bastard - he's just a b'stard
    Tomorrhea - always picking up doses and his name is Tom
    Fingers - similar to Kitkat he sawed a few of his fingers off making a gate and now whilst having most of his fingers back they are incredibly weird looking
    Shitler - shat his pants on a stag do years ago
    Gay dave - I don't know why he's called this, he isn't gay
    Rumple - as in splitskin he tore his foreskin and made the mistake of telling someone
    Bowlhead - fancies himself as a Liam Gallagher-a-like in reality his hair looks like a bowl has been placed over his melon and hair snipped around it
    Tiny - weighs at least 25 stone

    From those above from other posters manbat is my fave

    Fingerbum - purely a matter of taste whether that's the wrong place or not (and I'm not suggesting anyone taste his finger).

    Gay dave - perhaps he's just lighthearted and carefree?
    Nah at the time we were all about 14 maybe 15 and that was definitely a no no then. He wiped his finger under one of my mates noses who just said 'it smells like shit Paul' and he reckons all the scrubbing in the world never rid him of that smell
    With the ladies up here mate, he still wouldn't be sure where he'd stuck it...
  • edited January 2017
    I have a Nigerian mate called Adafemi, His nicknames femidom
  • My mate's last name is Cise. His nickname is Circum.
  • One of the old fitters I worked with, Lou ,was carrying out a job on a jacket water system at the top of a large office tower.
    After he'd finished the job he started to refill the system but left the hose running while he went off to do another job. During that time he completely forgot about the tank he was refilling until 3 hours later!

    On his return the offices ,stairwell and lift shaft were awash!

    They still call him 'Waterloo' to this day.

    That sounds remarkably similar to a story that my father in law, also known as 'Lew', tells. Where was this?
  • My mate reminded me last night of a bloke he worked with in the navy 30 years ago whose name was Colin Leek. Known to one and all as "Springer".
  • Two teachers spring to mind. Shakin' Stevens, a skinny alcoholic music teacher with constant DTs, and 'Two Fingered Steve', another music teacher whose piano playing style resembled his nickname.

    Can't remember the back story any more but a guy I worked with years ago ended up being called 'Dogboy' in one bantering sesh and it just stuck. Still gets called it today.

    On account of my name and stature part of me thinks 'Big Dick' would be a good nickname, but @cubicles would only misappropriate it to 'That Big Dick' or something... :wink:
  • edited January 2017
    At one of my old workplaces, a guy was known as 'Teapot' because he short and stout.

    Also got a mate who even 20 years later is still only ever referred to as 'Chicken' because he was too scared to go on one of the rides at Thorpe Park as kid
  • We had a music teacher we called baldie Beethoven.
  • One Lung.
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  • rikofold said:

    Two teachers spring to mind. Shakin' Stevens, a skinny alcoholic music teacher with constant DTs, and 'Two Fingered Steve', another music teacher whose piano playing style resembled his nickname.

    Can't remember the back story any more but a guy I worked with years ago ended up being called 'Dogboy' in one bantering sesh and it just stuck. Still gets called it today.

    On account of my name and stature part of me thinks 'Big Dick' would be a good nickname, but @cubicles would only misappropriate it to 'That Big Dick' or something... :wink:

    Dictofold?
  • We had a teacher who everybody fancied her name was Miss Arden her name was changed with the 'e' replaced by an 'o'
  • Geezer at work, Richard Flatts so got fondly known as blocker.
  • And the ex got a female friend named slug.
    Apparently from a long trailing white dress she wore but I suspect a different reason?
  • Used to work with a girl called Susie Muir.
    Nickname: Stenhouse
  • There was a guy at school who was perpetually on horn.  His nickname was:

    EverReady
  • We had a Corporal Withers, who was nick named Googie. But not to his face of course.
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