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Flights from Hell.

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  • Ryanair made my missus stand up for an hour whilst they had the cart round serving drinks etc. When she asked if could get by she was greeted with '' Well you see us starting the refreshments and you THEN decide to get up & go to the toilet'' Shes a bit timid and took it on the chin and theres me wondering where she got too thinking she must have fell down the hole!!
    Earlier the same scenario happened with someone else and they rolled the cart out the way and let them sit down.
  • Carter said:

    milo said:


    I was on an easyJet flight to Krakow on a Friday afternoon, the entire flight was made up of about two dozen different stag-dos, I'd had about five pints before boarding the plane but instantly sobered up looking at the state of some lads getting on. Within thirty minutes of the drinks trolley starting up the plane had been drunk dry of beer shortly followed by cider and then wine. Some were ordering bottles of champagne as it was the only booze left. I'm surprised the pilot wasn't drunk on the fumes from the recirculated air.

    One lad in desperation begged them to stop serving as his brother (the stag in his group) was so pissed he couldn't stand up. The reply he got from the air staff was that they were on commission and the more they sold the more money they received and that flights to 'stag destinations' are the best earner for cabin crew.

    Inevitably everyone got more and more agro as the flight progressed and I thought about putting the underseat life jacket on as way of protecting myself.

    By the time we got to Krakow the plane was wrecked. The fella next to me said 'that's the first flight I've ever been on that I actually wanted to crash'. The only enjoyable part was people-watching as each stag party's 'designated sensible drinker' tried to coral the rest of their group, pick up luggage left on the plane, find lost passports, etc as they got off. One lad was desperately begging his friend not to start smoking the moment he got off, standing on the runway next to the tanker of aviation fuel waiting to refuel the plane. In the end he gave up and just pointed to the policja wearing machine guns standing next to the no smoking signs and eventually after much 'actually, I don't really fancy a smoke now anyway' his mate finally put his fags away.

    Basically, what I meant to say is that if easyJet give their staff commission on sales they make on the plane it's hardly surprising.

    You will always find humanity at its worst on an easyjet or Ryanair flight.

    And that's just the pilots!
  • 'that's the first flight I've ever been on that I actually wanted to crash'

    What a line!! Cracked me up haha
  • McBobbin said:

    The rowdiest I got on a plane was in Madagascar when they gave the two of us three entire packs of Jacobs crackers

    We had a race to eat them, and the loser had to eat the third pack. It was one of those flights where you are weighed with your baggage. We needed to distract ourselves from the very real possibility that the plane was going to disintegrate mid flight

    Actually, just remembered I was sat next to a local girl who was teaching herself English by tunelessly singing along to song lyrics sheets. Harmless in principle, except the song she was singing was Bohemian rhapsody. Not sure how that will help her in the long run. And I sprayed her with cracker dust when I decided to sing along to the Galileo bit.

    Back to the OP I was in a flight in south America with the worst turbulence ever. At one point the plane just dropped. Everyone made that noise you make when you accelerate over a humpback bridge, and then screamed. My knees were shaking as I exited the plane
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  • I've posted on here before somewhere about an easyjet flight I took from Gatwick to Amsterdam to go see Spurs play PSV Eindhoven. I was petrified of flying at the time. The plane was delayed and we were waiting in the terminal for ages when we got a sudden call to board. As we got on the plane, the pilot said there was a force 8 gale blowing and we had a 20 min window to land in and the flight would be bumpy and wouldn't be for the feint-hearted. Given the game was that day, had no choice but to get on board but its probably the best thing I've ever done as it killed my fear of flying. It was so bad, the stewardesses were strapped in their seats and everyone gave a loud round of applause when we landed. I grabbed the complete strangers hand sitting next to me a couple of times on the arm rest. So embarrassing.

    When we flew out to Rome in March we had some 'severe turbulence' according to the pilot yet it was nothing like that flight, just a bit bumpy.

    My wife tells a story when she took a flight either to/from Tazmania to somewhere else in Australia and it was like a roller coaster for a couple of hours as they flew through huge thunderstorm and the plane got hit by lightning and all the lights went out as they went into a dive. Think my heart would stop if that happened! Not quite as good as her story when she ordered a bottle of orange juice mid-flight and then inexplicably proceeded to shake the bottle...without the top on covering the stranger sitting next to her with the contents!
  • edited August 2017
    This post is going to be boring.
    I have flown Ryanair Gatwick to Shannon several times with no problems ever.
    Once I assimilate the wonder of getting all that way in 45 minutes for less than an average spend in Sainsbury's, any procedures and hanging about is easy to deal with.
    Posters above have complained about arriving after a long boring flight, but at Shannon you can do all USA customs and immigration and security checks before your flight and simply walk off when you arrive in America.
    Ryanair to Shannon, then Shannon to New York is the way to do it.
  • edited August 2017

    The flights between Jersey and Guernsey could be fun when the weather was a bit rough, they are tiny planes.

    First time I flew on one, the pilot was handing round what I thought were sweets but were actually ear plugs. I was sat directly under the wing next to the engine and the bloody thing was deafening.

    Didn't help that I was hanging from the previous night.

    Was strange having the pilot turn round and talk to passengers during the flight.

    You didn't choke did you?

    And if you hadn't eaten your earplugs then it wouldn't have been so deafening.
  • dizzee said:

    The flights between Jersey and Guernsey could be fun when the weather was a bit rough, they are tiny planes.

    First time I flew on one, the pilot was handing round what I thought were sweets but were actually ear plugs. I was sat directly under the wing next to the engine and the bloody thing was deafening.

    Didn't help that I was hanging from the previous night.

    Was strange having the pilot turn round and talk to passengers during the flight.

    You didn't choke did you?

    And if you hadn't eaten your earplugs then it wouldn't have been so deafening.
    Nothing compared to the embarrassment of the deaf woman in front who thought the pilot said they were butt plugs
  • Greenie said:

    Coming back from Minnesota via Chicago from a 4 day business trip about 5 years ago. Whenever I fly to the states I always try and fly with American Airlines, bigger seats for our American friends.
    I wanted to write up all my meeting notes on the plane so I could just then relax and have a couple of beers on the flight which was packed, except the one seat in front of me, then I saw him, massive fat bastard, he must be the child of the fattest women and man in America, he had his own zip code....yep he then moulded his frame around the seat in front and reclined the chair back so the greedy sloth could fit, I gave him my best Sarf London 'Oi what do think you are doing', his reply 'Im a big guy I need room', 'unlucky, sit up' I said.
    The salad dodger started to get a bit lively now, the stewardess came along and asked what the problem was, she obviously knew! Then told him all seats must be upright for take off while the seat belt signs are on, this pissed him off more 'but Im a big guy', he said, but she insisted.
    Anyway he was sweating like Michael Jackson at a nativity play and blowing out his arse while we waited to take off, as soon as the seatbelt sign came off, bang' down goes fatties seat all the way back, I asked him to put it up halfway as a compromise, I kinda felt sorry for him by then, he was in a right state, the stewardess came passed and we agreed that he would put it halfway down for the duration, on top of everything else he bloody stunk, how delightful.
    Fast forward about 2 hours, Slim wants to go to the khazi, he huffs and puffs for a couple of minutes getting out his chair and stood up and wobbled of towards the direction of the bog (I swear the plane turned left as he stood up), theres quiet a few passengers, watching him with interest, but he manages to get in, 5 mins later he's banging on the door, he's struggling to get out, the stewardess and a steward end up spending about 5 mins trying to get him out, which they do, eventually. Fuck me, he looked frightful when he got back to his seat.
    He really was a bloody size.

    That was probably the last flight he ever took, sounds very traumatic for both of you
  • I must be really lucky as I've regularly travelled to Prague, Zante and girona using budget airlines.
    The worst I've had was a woman sat next to me on way to Zante already half cut.
    She got proper pissed on the flight but was by no means offensive.
  • To stay off message even more, the nicest cabin staff I have ever encountered was Air France. They also do free champagne which is nice.
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  • I must be really lucky as I've regularly travelled to Prague, Zante and girona using budget airlines.
    The worst I've had was a woman sat next to me on way to Zante already half cut.
    She got proper pissed on the flight but was by no means offensive.

    My assistant (the ex CSA purser) confirms that indeed you are really lucky.

    I had a client whose home town was Leeds. Imagine his delight when he read that the then new airline Jet2 was flying direct to Prague. It was an early morning flight out of Leeds/Bradford. Trolley drunk dry pretty much by the time they had crossed the North Sea. He never took that flight again.

    Thing is, reading this thread, that isn't even remarkable...

  • In terms of Flights for myself I've never really had issues with other Passengers thankfully and would really struggle to deal with it for a few hours if I did.

    Briefly had a fear of flying a few times due to some rough weather flights in Europe but that disappeared after a while... Is laughable looking back because if you think turbulance is bad in Europe it can be even worse in the rest of the world, remember going across the Bay of Bengal to Singapore once and looking at the rows of seats in front it looked like I was on a roller coaster the plane was going up and down so much.

    One of the funnest though was when I took a flight from Picton to Wellington (New Zealand; South to North Island), the latter is famous I think for the strong winds as you fly into land yet was in this little Cessna Grand Caravan plane that just being thrown all over the place
  • This thread makes me glad I do most of my flying in Asia!

    Although internal Chinese flights are on a next level of crazy, I've seen fights with cabin staff, people passing around bottles of booze at the end of EVERY flight people are taking their bags out the overhead as soon as the plane touches down, no matter how much yelling the flight attendants try.
  • This thread makes me glad I do most of my flying in Asia!

    Although internal Chinese flights are on a next level of crazy, I've seen fights with cabin staff, people passing around bottles of booze at the end of EVERY flight people are taking their bags out the overhead as soon as the plane touches down, no matter how much yelling the flight attendants try.

    I have been told even worse stories of internal flights in Russia, but to be fair I never witnessed them, since having heard them I vowed I would never ever fly around there. I also believe things are much improved, these stories are mainly from the 90s.

    The talk was of planes flying with excess passengers standing in the aisles, and people with all kinds of bizarre animals with them. And then of course the planes themselves, some very dodgy Russian stuff but mainly with haphazard maintenance and low safety thresholds.


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