Bit of a silly story but it amused me at the time. And it was a flight from hell. Hell in this case being Belfast back when the Europa Hotel was seemingly being bombed on a weekly basis.
I'd done a job over there with the assistance of some very nice but very heavy drinking members of the RUC (as it then was). This left me with a marginal hangover and 5 of those "Iron Mountain" storage boxes full of evidence which I couldn't risk going astray and certainly wasn't about to check in as hold baggage. I explained this to the very pleasant British Midland (alas no more) check-in agent that this stuff had to stay with me but I wasn't sure it would fit in the overheads.
She said, no problem, the flight wasn't that busy and allocated me six seats together, five of which I could use to strap my boxes into. In addition she got me on to the flight well before loading so I could get all my boxes strapped into their seats. I then settled down with a nice pre-flight beverage and BM hadn't charged me a penny extra!
Then another passenger pitched up. It was none other than the now deceased Rev. Ian Paisley with his bodyguards in tow. He was clearly extremely annoyed that a non-VIP passenger had been allowed on the plane before him and started mouthing off to the crew, asking if I had security clearance and how come I'd got a drink already. Paisley going into one of his rants in a small space like a plane was something to behold.
This is very spooky, i'm reading this while i'm sitting in the bar at Belfast Airport waiting for my delayed flight back to Gatwick, if I sit here for much longer I might be someones "Flights from Hell" story tomorrow.
Flying from Hong Kong to Singapore about 20 years ago, the woman in front lifts her long hair over the seat and drapes it down onto our side, covering the small tv screen in the back of the seat. It was just really weird and we took a couple of minutes to get over our confusion. I didn't want to get involved as it was over my Mrs' seat and probably wasn't going to watch tv anyway. We returned the hair back quite gently only for the woman to start huffing like we'd done something wrong
I'd have had to f**k around with it. Tie things to it, plait it, cut it etc
Flying from Hong Kong to Singapore about 20 years ago, the woman in front lifts her long hair over the seat and drapes it down onto our side, covering the small tv screen in the back of the seat. It was just really weird and we took a couple of minutes to get over our confusion. I didn't want to get involved as it was over my Mrs' seat and probably wasn't going to watch tv anyway. We returned the hair back quite gently only for the woman to start huffing like we'd done something wrong
I'd have had to f**k around with it. Tie things to it, plait it, cut it etc
Actually, it's just reminded me of a party I had at my parents when they went away. A pissed guy turned up with some mates and I caught him going through things into my sisters room. Dragged him out but my mates stopped me from giving him a hiding. He had long hair and when he fell asleep about half an hour later, I took a pair of scissors to one side of it. For those old enough to remember the young ones, he looked like Neil when he joined the police.
Next time I saw him he'd had to have a fairly short haircut to even it up.
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
I just realised that BA have the unspoken customer benefit on this route:
"You pay a bit more but you don't have to put up with that kind of shite from your fellow passengers"
I used to have fairly frequent trips to production platforms (oil rigs) in the Northern section of the North sea. It involved fixed wing flights to Aberdeen and on to Lerwick in the Shetlands. The flights from the Shetlands to the platforms were by helicopter. On one such occasion, as often happened due to bad weather, our helicopter flight was delayed. My fellow 18 passengers and I were hanging around for some hours. We finally departed for the one and a half hour flight to the platform. We were about half an hour from our destination when I felt a smack on the side of my head. The chap next to me was having a fit, triggered by the sun shining through rotating helicopter blades, causing a strobe effect. His arm were trashing out hitting the side of the aircraft. I was instantly dazed but two chaps sitting behind grabbed the blokes arms and restrained him. They shouted to me above the noise of the helicopter to go forward to the cockpit a tell the pilots what had happened. I made my way to the front and shouted above the din to the pilots telling them what had happened and to radio the platform. I staggered back and the two chaps were now restraining the poor bloke who was having a fit. As we approached the platform I could see the heli - deck crew ready in position to storm the helicopter. Usually heli - deck crews were ex forces personnel who's duties were mostly handling baggage and seeing the safe landing and disembarkation of the aircraft, but this was their chance to put their training to good use. As we landed they stormed the helicopter almost psychically pulling people from their seats in their eagerness to get to the poor bloke who was by now recovering and wondering what all the fuss was about. I looked back as I left the aircraft and saw the poor bloke looking dazed, being held to the floor as the medic were about to inject him. Apparently the bloke had been working for years, traveling to and the Shetlands by helicopter without any problems. He was immediately sent back and it was said he would not be allowed to fly helicopters again. Two weeks later I boarded a helicopter to return to the Shetlands with great trepidation. Although I had many more flights, I never really recovered from the experience
Was on a Vickers Viscount in the 70's when two of the engines failed. My memory says it was a JAT flight, but google doesn't mention them having a Viscount on their fleet when it was the old Yugoslavia.
I remember thinking what fun as the plane dropped 10,000 feet in about 90 seconds and couldn't understand why so many women were screaming. Best roller coaster ride I'd ever been on.
Remember this BA 747, nearly brought down by a nutter over Africa?
It took a few weeks for me to learn that a good mate of mine was on the flight. I got to know Tony in Prague, but he is a a Bromley boy, ex Army, and ex special ops in Northern Ireland. One of the nicest blokes you could ever know, but also a supremely disciplined trained killer. He sort of casually dropped the story of the flight into the conversation. I said, bloody hell, that must have been terrifying, and in his typical style he replied "well not really, I was snoozing, and the plane went into a bit of a dive and i thought, hmm, this is interesting". And that's Tony. Just too bad he wasn't in business class, he would have had the guy down in seconds.
Remember this BA 747, nearly brought down by a nutter over Africa?
It took a few weeks for me to learn that a good mate of mine was on the flight. I got to know Tony in Prague, but he is a a Bromley boy, ex Army, and ex special ops in Northern Ireland. One of the nicest blokes you could ever know, but also a supremely disciplined trained killer. He sort of casually dropped the story of the flight into the conversation. I said, bloody hell, that must have been terrifying, and in his typical style he replied "well not really, I was snoozing, and the plane went into a bit of a dive and i thought, hmm, this is interesting". And that's Tony. Just too bad he wasn't in business class, he would have had the guy down in seconds.
When I saw this on the Documentary I didnt remember it at all with them saying it was the reason that Cockpits became Out of Bounds to passengers... When I heard that I was surprised as thought it was 9/11 that saw the introduction of that rule
I guess though with both incidents less than a year apart they both had a contributing factor in that rule being passed.
1983, on the way back from Gran Canaria me and my best mate and the 2 sisters we were seeing had just had a lovely time, but as soon as we cleared the Channel there was a violent storm, thunder, lightning, very very frighting, me.....etc. the plane was a bloody roller coaster, puke bags being filled up left right and centre, and the bit that spooked most of us was that the lights kept going off and on in the pitch black, proper Buddy Holly stuff. Anyway the wind was gale force and the pilot made his approach, and was about 10 seconds from touch down (I guess), but the whole plane rotated and the wings nearly hit the ground, so he aborted the landing, now I dont know if any Lifers have been on an aborted landing, but its not like a regular take off, these things get given full throttle and hit over 45 degrees, its like being in a bloody rocket, one of the air stewards rolled down the middle aisle of the plane and smacked his swede. So amongst the screams, the pilot comes over on the old tannoy and says we are going to try again, cue more screaming and passengers backfiring into paper bags, second time we go in, exactly the same as the first run, aborted landing, Biggles comes over on the tannoy again and says this is the third attempt and if we dont make it were going to Manchester, obviously no one ever wants to go to Manchester, so with us passengers willing him to land it it and the god of flying looking over us he got us down, and yes we did all cheer, it was the right thing to do under the circumstances, expect for my mate, who just sat there staring into space, then I noticed his fingers and hands, they were white where he been holding on so tight and he was still holding on. I will remember to my dying day the amount of distressed people on that flight and the amount of puke bags that were deposited in a big bin as we disembarked. It really shook us all up and I didn't fly for about 4 years.
It was bloody awful, but I was young so you kind of shrug it off with time, but it was over 4 years before I even thought about flying, ironically I dont think twice about hoping on a plane these days. And ironically 2, my mate who was with me on that flight went on to be a trained parachutist and regularly would sling himself out of perfectly good aircraft. I remember the Honolulu one well, I really doesn't think you could be anymore scared than if that happened to you.
Even before I read @Greenie above, I was reading some of the stories, and thinking, am I just lucky, because I really can't remember the last bad turbulence, and I average about 15 flights a year. I mentioned this to my assistant, the ex purser, and asked if she thinks they have improved the tech that helps them avoid bad weather. She was kind of sceptIcal, and put it down to the route I usually fly, over Northern Europe, not much sea, no mountain range. I dunno. If I am wrong it means I am due a bad one :-( . This is another reason to love Eurostar. Whoever went white with fear on a train? White with rage, maybe....
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Never had a bad flight, just bad people on the flight (Seat kicking Chavs for a start) - Next flight is in November... Fingers crossed it's a smooth one!
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
On a hen to Beni last year... sadly we had to dress up as policewomen. My friend had her handcuffs confiscated from her hand luggage.
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Lol i am sure there will not be many children aboard a plane to prague, kind of expected really
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Lol i am sure there will not be many children aboard a plane to prague, kind of expected really
What, you think Prague's only role in the world is a destination for twats on a stag? You think Prague is a child free zone?
Tell you what, I am all for Brexit now. The Czechs will retaliate to the new British regulations by imposing visa restrictions on stags. Karma.
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Lol i am sure there will not be many children aboard a plane to prague, kind of expected really
What, you think Prague's only role in the world is a destination for twats on a stag? You think Prague is a child free zone?
Tell you what, I am all for Brexit now. The Czechs will retaliate to the new British regulations by imposing visa restrictions on stags. Karma.
When we went to Prague a couple of years ago, the Stag (I presume), was being led down the plane aisle by his mate. The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
This is the sort of behaviour on a plane that I would be dolling out lengthy flying bans for. In what world is it appropriate for someone to do this and think it's acceptable in front of families and children?
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Lol i am sure there will not be many children aboard a plane to prague, kind of expected really
Did you really think that through before you posted? Prague is a beautiful city full of history, it has a lot more to offer than just a place to get wrecked. Why would there not be children on a plane?
I'm not sure people really should expect that sort of behaviour on a flight, apart from showing everyone you're a giant inconsiderate wanker, what exactly does it achieve?
Edit: See, now you're making me take sides with @PragueAddick, I need to go sit down ;-)
depending on the time of the flights its not that ridiculous for example a 6.30 flight on a friday morning to riga is more likely to be full of stags than any other time, i'm flying out to malta in a couple of weeks on the 6.25am out of gatwick for the england game that particular flight would have more england fans on it than any other flight because of when it is, of course behaviour shouldnt be expected but a bit of common sense, another reason if you wish to go vegas never go thursday morning, as stags use it for there 4 days and to get a weekend in.
there are also certain places more stags go, im heading to prague with the mrs in november and unfortunately we are on a early morning flight unfortunately its on a friday so probably be rammed with stags although its november so hopefully too cold
Flying from Hong Kong to Singapore about 20 years ago, the woman in front lifts her long hair over the seat and drapes it down onto our side, covering the small tv screen in the back of the seat. It was just really weird and we took a couple of minutes to get over our confusion. I didn't want to get involved as it was over my Mrs' seat and probably wasn't going to watch tv anyway. We returned the hair back quite gently only for the woman to start huffing like we'd done something wrong
I'd have had to f**k around with it. Tie things to it, plait it, cut it etc
You should have applied the law that we have as if you were pruning a neighbours tree that was encroaching your property ......cut it and then put it back over her side of the seat!
I've recounted this story before here, but I went to China in 1992 for a month and flew Air China! Never again.
Over the Himalayas we were just admiring the storm below when the plane dropped out of the sky. If you weren't strapped in you hit the roof. The bloke behind me went three rows in front of me and landed on somebody. All the oxygen masks came down, the overhead lockers all opened and everything spilled out. It was bloody carnage.
Four Hail Marys later, and the pilot managed to get it level again. There were quite a few injuries where people had hit solid objects, and some oxygen was being given to people by the cabin staff.
I then noticed that some of the Chinese people decided it would be a good idea to light up a fag. (There were only 13 of us westerners on board)
I don't speak Mandarin, but I think they knew what I meant when I bellowed at them.
The choice was to put down in Islamabad or carry on another three hours to what was then, Peking. The pilot carried on. The inside of the cabin looked like a teenager's bedroom.
The bogs had packed up, although people kept on cacking in them. There was no more food, drinks, water or films. A visit to the loo was not on the agenda for the next three hours.
Glad to say we landed safely, when I started to consider how I would get home from China by train.
Comments
Next time I saw him he'd had to have a fairly short haircut to even it up.
The Stag was on all fours and had a collar and lead and was wearing a gimp mask.
"You pay a bit more but you don't have to put up with that kind of shite from your fellow passengers"
It involved fixed wing flights to Aberdeen and on to Lerwick in the Shetlands.
The flights from the Shetlands to the platforms were by helicopter.
On one such occasion, as often happened due to bad weather, our helicopter flight was delayed.
My fellow 18 passengers and I were hanging around for some hours.
We finally departed for the one and a half hour flight to the platform.
We were about half an hour from our destination when I felt a smack on the side of my head.
The chap next to me was having a fit, triggered by the sun shining through rotating helicopter blades, causing a strobe effect.
His arm were trashing out hitting the side of the aircraft.
I was instantly dazed but two chaps sitting behind grabbed the blokes arms and restrained him.
They shouted to me above the noise of the helicopter to go forward to the cockpit a tell the pilots what had happened.
I made my way to the front and shouted above the din to the pilots telling them what had happened and to radio the platform.
I staggered back and the two chaps were now restraining the poor bloke who was having a fit.
As we approached the platform I could see the heli - deck crew ready in position to storm the helicopter.
Usually heli - deck crews were ex forces personnel who's duties were mostly handling baggage and seeing the safe landing and disembarkation
of the aircraft, but this was their chance to put their training to good use.
As we landed they stormed the helicopter almost psychically pulling people from their seats in their eagerness to get to the poor bloke who was by now recovering and wondering what all the fuss was about.
I looked back as I left the aircraft and saw the poor bloke looking dazed, being held to the floor as the medic were about to inject him.
Apparently the bloke had been working for years, traveling to and the Shetlands by helicopter without any problems.
He was immediately sent back and it was said he would not be allowed to fly helicopters again.
Two weeks later I boarded a helicopter to return to the Shetlands with great trepidation.
Although I had many more flights, I never really recovered from the experience
I remember thinking what fun as the plane dropped 10,000 feet in about 90 seconds and couldn't understand why so many women were screaming. Best roller coaster ride I'd ever been on.
I'd probably shit myself now.
It took a few weeks for me to learn that a good mate of mine was on the flight. I got to know Tony in Prague, but he is a a Bromley boy, ex Army, and ex special ops in Northern Ireland. One of the nicest blokes you could ever know, but also a supremely disciplined trained killer. He sort of casually dropped the story of the flight into the conversation. I said, bloody hell, that must have been terrifying, and in his typical style he replied "well not really, I was snoozing, and the plane went into a bit of a dive and i thought, hmm, this is interesting". And that's Tony. Just too bad he wasn't in business class, he would have had the guy down in seconds.
I guess though with both incidents less than a year apart they both had a contributing factor in that rule being passed.
Anyway the wind was gale force and the pilot made his approach, and was about 10 seconds from touch down (I guess), but the whole plane rotated and the wings nearly hit the ground, so he aborted the landing, now I dont know if any Lifers have been on an aborted landing, but its not like a regular take off, these things get given full throttle and hit over 45 degrees, its like being in a bloody rocket, one of the air stewards rolled down the middle aisle of the plane and smacked his swede.
So amongst the screams, the pilot comes over on the old tannoy and says we are going to try again, cue more screaming and passengers backfiring into paper bags, second time we go in, exactly the same as the first run, aborted landing, Biggles comes over on the tannoy again and says this is the third attempt and if we dont make it were going to Manchester, obviously no one ever wants to go to Manchester, so with us passengers willing him to land it it and the god of flying looking over us he got us down, and yes we did all cheer, it was the right thing to do under the circumstances, expect for my mate, who just sat there staring into space, then I noticed his fingers and hands, they were white where he been holding on so tight and he was still holding on.
I will remember to my dying day the amount of distressed people on that flight and the amount of puke bags that were deposited in a big bin as we disembarked.
It really shook us all up and I didn't fly for about 4 years.
A friend has lost the ability to fly nowadays due to anxiety. It really holds her back.
I used to know a woman who was on this flight... sod that. They held on to the seats in front as people were sucked out.
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/02/25/us/9-lost-23-injured-as-jet-s-skin-rips-over-pacific.html?pagewanted=all
I remember the Honolulu one well, I really doesn't think you could be anymore scared than if that happened to you.
Flying with small kids.
Now I know some people say you shouldn't do long flights with small kids but I don't agree with that and is probably a convo for another time.
But we flew to LA yesterday and my 2 and a half year old is obsessed with the story of Jack and the beanstalk.
Sound innocent - until he decided to start shouting Fe Fi Fo Fum.
At the top of his voice.
All the way from Hudson Bay to Montana.
Living in Bournemouth I get to see quite a lot of stag & hens out and about the town including in the past pissed up fat geezers in the full latex bondage gear walking around town on a lead in the early evening. I wouldn't want to have to explain it to a child in those circumstances let alone in an enclosed and dangerous environment like a plane.
Do what you like in the relative privacy of the pub/strip club/whatever, once you get there but until then keep your gimp gear in your hand luggage!
Tell you what, I am all for Brexit now. The Czechs will retaliate to the new British regulations by imposing visa restrictions on stags. Karma.
Did you really think that through before you posted? Prague is a beautiful city full of history, it has a lot more to offer than just a place to get wrecked. Why would there not be children on a plane?
I'm not sure people really should expect that sort of behaviour on a flight, apart from showing everyone you're a giant inconsiderate wanker, what exactly does it achieve?
Edit: See, now you're making me take sides with @PragueAddick, I need to go sit down ;-)
there are also certain places more stags go, im heading to prague with the mrs in november and unfortunately we are on a early morning flight unfortunately its on a friday so probably be rammed with stags although its november so hopefully too cold
Over the Himalayas we were just admiring the storm below when the plane dropped out of the sky. If you weren't strapped in you hit the roof. The bloke behind me went three rows in front of me and landed on somebody. All the oxygen masks came down, the overhead lockers all opened and everything spilled out. It was bloody carnage.
Four Hail Marys later, and the pilot managed to get it level again. There were quite a few injuries where people had hit solid objects, and some oxygen was being given to people by the cabin staff.
I then noticed that some of the Chinese people decided it would be a good idea to light up a fag. (There were only 13 of us westerners on board)
I don't speak Mandarin, but I think they knew what I meant when I bellowed at them.
The choice was to put down in Islamabad or carry on another three hours to what was then, Peking. The pilot carried on. The inside of the cabin looked like a teenager's bedroom.
The bogs had packed up, although people kept on cacking in them. There was no more food, drinks, water or films. A visit to the loo was not on the agenda for the next three hours.
Glad to say we landed safely, when I started to consider how I would get home from China by train.
(I didn't in the end)