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Flights from Hell.

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  • My worst flight was alcohol related.

    So I'm someone who HATES travelling, not planes but just long distance travel with luggage by any means of transport.

    Earlier this summer I was getting a plane back from Paphos Cyprus to Gatwick. Our flight was delayed by an hour (not too bad), we get on, doors armed etc. Then the pilot comes out and says we can't go because no toilets are working. They obviously knew this before we got on which pissed everyone off. By the time we got off it was midnight. Then chaos ensued. The travel handlers hired by Easyjet were lying to us for the next 4 hours. We refused hotels 3hrs+ away and eventually by 4am we got to a very nice 4* Spa. However, the driver of our coach was a lunatic and the coach caught fire as we pulled up at the Hotel and he used our water bottles to put it out!

    Anyway. Next day we hear our rescheduled flight is 24hrs after the original (although at first Easyjet sent various passengers conflicting information). We were at a 4* Spa bare in mind and they allocated us 10euros for breakfast and 15 for dinner, which wouldn't even get us a drink and a starter.

    Coach back to the airport had a more sain driver. We get on board all fine and we're finally off! However... some elderly-ish lady (maybe late 60s) decided that she'd spend the 24hrs between the cancelled flight and the new flight getting pissed. They still let her on board. Attempting to cut a very very long story short, she required an oxygen mask and they announced on the plane that if any doctors were on board they were needed. A student nurse was the best they could get. We then had to emergency land in Bulgaria. When we landed paramedics came on board and she refused, yes REFUSED medical treatment for 10mins+. She goes off, they sign to say she's fit to board again, we get ready to take off, doors armed etc. Then she says she's feeling sick again. After deliberation the Captain says she must leave the plane. They have to spend ages finding her and her very annoyed daughter's (annoyed at her mother) luggage. After 1hr30mins in Bulgaria we finally set off to Gatwick.

    During this passengers argued with eachother regarding the situation. A passenger has an arguement with a Steward, the stewardard demanding she be kicked off the plane. The Steward gets a bollocking from the Captain and passengers etc. This caused the delay in Bulgaria to last ages.

    Absolute chaos. Being someone who hates travelling this was honestly the worst experience of my life by far.

    Oh also my Girlfriend was needing to catch a flight after (thinking she'd have a day to pack for her girls' holiday - which her dad had to pack for her). We just got back to Gatwick in time.

    You couldn't make this stuff up. With my hatred of travelling it almost ruined one of the best holidays I've ever been on.

    Wont be flying again for as long as possible.

    Jesus Christ! I can't see anyone getting close to that one!
  • JiMMy 85 said:

    I haven't had any issues with alcohol, either with me being too drunk or anyone else bothering me actually.

    Although earlier this year I flew to New York and noticed the cabin was full of a particular group of people. I didn't think much of it, it wasn't a group I had seen in person before, I was more intrigued by the uniform clothing and haircuts - particularly those forced on the kids.

    I began to suspect it was going to go a bit wrong when I first sat down. Two of them were kicking up a huge fuss about not having three seats to themselves (one for the baby) and they forced an unassuming English guy to sit somewhere else after take off, pretty much blaming him for the issue, before launching a tirade at the cabin crew. The father then proceeded to sit in the seat in front of me, and bounce the baby relentlessly, causing my iPad to fall over a lot. That's a first world problem I accept, but still a borderline crime in my book.

    Oh well, he doesn't mean any harm I thought. Then I noticed... it wasn't just him being a bit obnoxious... it was the entire front portion of the plane. There were half a dozen Englishmen, and 100 members of this group. And it became carnage. Kids running up and down, climbing on seats, climbing on me, throwing things at each other... The parents were ignoring them while holding surprisingly loud meetings in the aisle, demanding (rudely) all kinds of things from the cabin crew, who elected to hide for long stints of the flight.

    I've never seen a cabin crew disappear before, but these guys knew what was up. As I got off the plan I commented "That might be the worst flying experience of my life" and one of them responded "we were saying exactly the same thing!" which was of minimal comfort after eight hours of irritation.

    Do as you likies?
  • I had two drunken Russians sitting behind me on a 747 Flight back from Sydney, around 10 years ago. They were a total nightmare, loud boozing nonstop (they had their own) The staff tried to get them to be quiet but failed and would not give them any drinks which made them really kick off. The guy behind me was so tanked he just started to head butt the screen on the back of my seat...his mate got up and had a fag in the toilet...cue absolute mayhem....eventually the Captain came down and tried to get them to calm down...head butt Ruskie was all bloody and fortunately passed out. Cue massive cheers and claps when we landed at Changi as the cops boarded and handcuffed the Ruskies and led them away after 8 hours of torture. Personally I'm not a drinker as such, but each to their own in moderation.
  • ross1 said:

    milo said:


    A bloke from work went on a stag-do to Riga where the stag was handcuffed to a dwarf the entire weekend. They uncuffed them to go through security, otherwise they sat together on the flight, whilst eating, standing at the urinal, had to sleep together, in the strip club, so on.

    Apparently the dwarf made a reasonable living from it, he would sit there not joining in their conversations, would accept the occasional beer - was very professional about his 'job'.

    Actually, I'm going to contradict myself here, they did uncuff him at another point, where the dwarf was forced to ride the stag like a donkey up the main street in Riga.

    Probably my age, but am I the only one that thinks this is disgusting way to treat another human, even if he is earning a living out of it. Before any comments, I do mean the dwarf (horrible word), not the stag
    @ElfsborgAddick is the man to ask - he’s made a decent living out of this line of work.
  • I am very lucky these days in that when I fly for work long-haul that I fly business class - makes a hell of a difference.

    Back in my old job I used to travel long-haul at least once per month and had to fly economy - had some fucking nightmares.

    Once was flying Singapore-London and was already pissed off at being in the very last row of the plane - the only consolation being that the aisle seat next to me was empty - result.

    Suddenly I saw this fucking huge fat bitch walking down the aisle - must have been 30 stones easily - and sure enough she is in that spare seat.

    Fuck me dead, this bitch was so fucking fat that she could not even lower her tray table - her huge gut prevented her from doing so.

    Now, if I were as fat as that I'd be pretty sheepish about eating in public and drawing attention to my outrageous corpulence but this fat fucker had no such qualms, she could not have cared less.

    Every 30 mins she'd be calling the hostesses over demanding more food, they brought her about six fucking Pot Noodles during the trip and even had to get her sandwiches from the business class cabin when they ran out of fucking Pot Noodles.

    For fourteen long hours I was unable to leave my seat because this volumous mass of fat was stuck in her seat and could not move herself - total nightmare.

    The only consolation came as I was leaving the plane and the Chief Steward called me aside and said that they really shouldn't have let the woman on the plane in the first place as she was way too big and by way of apology gave me a nice bottle of red wine from the First Class section.

    Nice touch from Qantas but in all honesty I still get shivers when on board the plane and there is a spare seat next to me....always that lingering fear that ten tonne Teresa is going to turn up.

    They should have put either you or Hattie Jaques in the first class section, not take a bottle out of it.
    To be fair they probably did the right thing in keeping her where she was, if they'd put the fat fucker down the front end of the plane we'd probably have plunged nose first into the ocean.
    Put her in the middle and balance it out.
  • ross1 said:

    milo said:


    A bloke from work went on a stag-do to Riga where the stag was handcuffed to a dwarf the entire weekend. They uncuffed them to go through security, otherwise they sat together on the flight, whilst eating, standing at the urinal, had to sleep together, in the strip club, so on.

    Apparently the dwarf made a reasonable living from it, he would sit there not joining in their conversations, would accept the occasional beer - was very professional about his 'job'.

    Actually, I'm going to contradict myself here, they did uncuff him at another point, where the dwarf was forced to ride the stag like a donkey up the main street in Riga.

    Probably my age, but am I the only one that thinks this is disgusting way to treat another human, even if he is earning a living out of it. Before any comments, I do mean the dwarf (horrible word), not the stag
    @ElfsborgAddick is the man to ask - he’s made a decent living out of this line of work.
    I only take hen bookings.
  • Not a journey from hell for me, but for an air stewardess, @Clem_Snide and other passengers. Clem and I had been to Glasgow for the weekend on a football / drinking extravaganza in the lead up to flight home, I’d had a few light ales and various shorts and decided to purchase loaded magazine. I sat on the plane and made the entire plane aware of the fact I was there. By the time we had taken off and I had another beer in hand, I was trying to get said air stewardess to have a look at some of the pictures in this magazine. After pissing off all and sundry, I promptly fell asleep with beer in hand, woke up on landing and hadn’t managed to spill a drop.

    The flight up wasn’t much better as I was convinced the plane was going to crash in to the main stand at Highfield Road. That’s what happens when you start drinking Double Gin and Tonics at 6am - I may have even squeezed Clems knee for comfort.

    You weren't much better on the train from Glasgow to Prestwick TBH!

    I also recall you getting wankered on a flight to Vegas and then doing your nut because the stewardesses wouldn't let you in 1st class to have a chat with Joe Cole!

    @AFKABartram also had a mare with us on a flight to Prestwick. Sat on the runway in the snow for 2 hours being de-iced after an earlier 3 hour delay. The entire CIFC squad had spent the delay in the bar and had several gleeful hours explaining to Mr Bartram why it was really dangerous to fly in the snow and how there was high probability of a crash!!!!
  • Not a journey from hell for me, but for an air stewardess, @Clem_Snide and other passengers. Clem and I had been to Glasgow for the weekend on a football / drinking extravaganza in the lead up to flight home, I’d had a few light ales and various shorts and decided to purchase loaded magazine. I sat on the plane and made the entire plane aware of the fact I was there. By the time we had taken off and I had another beer in hand, I was trying to get said air stewardess to have a look at some of the pictures in this magazine. After pissing off all and sundry, I promptly fell asleep with beer in hand, woke up on landing and hadn’t managed to spill a drop.

    The flight up wasn’t much better as I was convinced the plane was going to crash in to the main stand at Highfield Road. That’s what happens when you start drinking Double Gin and Tonics at 6am - I may have even squeezed Clems knee for comfort.

    You weren't much better on the train from Glasgow to Prestwick TBH!

    I also recall you getting wankered on a flight to Vegas and then doing your nut because the stewardesses wouldn't let you in 1st class to have a chat with Joe Cole!

    @AFKABartram also had a mare with us on a flight to Prestwick. Sat on the runway in the snow for 2 hours being de-iced after an earlier 3 hour delay. The entire CIFC squad had spent the delay in the bar and had several gleeful hours explaining to Mr Bartram why it was really dangerous to fly in the snow and how there was high probability of a crash!!!!
    Ricky Otto thinks he's famous.
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