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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

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  • EugenesAxe
    EugenesAxe Posts: 5,512

  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,924
    My teacher told me I would be no good at poetry because of my dyslexia 
    But so far, I’ve made three jugs and a vase… so fuck you Mr Peterson 😂😂
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,839
    Two prostitures talking.

    One says' Has it been busy today?'

    Other replies 'yes I must have been up those stairs twenty times today.'

    First one replies 'oh your poor feet'.
  • Swindon_Addick
    Swindon_Addick Posts: 2,099
    My mate's young daughter said she wanted a Cinderella theme for her birthday party. So they invited all her friends around and then his wife made them clean the kitchen.
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,815

    A friend of mind had an unfortunate accident while cleaning his shotgun which went off right between his legs and peppered his old todger. The outcome was that when he went for a pee it was like the fountains in Piccadilly Circus. After several unsuccessful operations he was still peeing like a leaky hosepipe and the surgeon had to admit defeat. Before he left the surgeon handed him a business card and said “Go see this bloke, he will be able to help you”. To which my mate replied “ Is he another surgeon then?”. “No” said the surgeon, “He plays the clarinet. He'll show you to hold it”.



  • soapboxsam
    soapboxsam Posts: 24,455
    Re-Scheduled:

    The Elvis tribute show has been rescheduled.
    Refunds and new dates are now available.

    Please ring the priority phone line.

    Press 1 for the money
                2 for the show
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822

    Binnie Jones.
  • Taxi_Lad
    Taxi_Lad Posts: 3,924
    edited August 1
    The scooby doo gang were playing a quiz and  Velma was the question master 

    “name one Africas big 5”

    ”Rhino!!”  Shouts Scooby

    velma looks scornfully at him and says “I know you know Scooby, but it’s not your turn 
  • Danepak
    Danepak Posts: 1,701
    How do you think the unthinkable?

    With an itheberg.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822


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  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822

  • Gisappointed
    Gisappointed Posts: 1,406
    AddicksAddict said:

    I think you meant to post on the misogynist thread!!!
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 28,142
    Gisappointed said:
    AddicksAddict said:

    I think you meant to post on the misogynist thread!!!
    I think you misread the joke
  • Jints
    Jints Posts: 3,676
    MrOneLung said:
    Gisappointed said:
    AddicksAddict said:

    I think you meant to post on the misogynist thread!!!
    I think you misread the joke
    He's a man. He scrolled past.
  • SoundAsa£
    SoundAsa£ Posts: 22,993
    edited August 12
    .


  • GNelson
    GNelson Posts: 575
    SoundAsa£ said:
    How do you titillate an Ocelot?
    You oscillate it’s tits a lot.🤭


    It isn't it's tits it's its tits
  • SoundAsa£
    SoundAsa£ Posts: 22,993
    AddicksAddict said:

    How do you titillate an Ocelot?
    You oscillate it’s tits a lot.😩
  • R0TW
    R0TW Posts: 2,022
    The ex missis happened to be quite lumpy.
    Remember once she fell down the stairs.
    Thought to myself, Eastenders has finished
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822
    SoundAsa£ said:
    AddicksAddict said:

    How do you titillate an Ocelot?
    You oscillate it’s tits a lot.😩
      It isn't “it's tits”, it's “its tits”.
  • CHG
    CHG Posts: 4,584
    Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara.

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  • Swindon_Addick
    Swindon_Addick Posts: 2,099

  • jose
    jose Posts: 1,880
    Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
    But if you do you'll sleep like a baby.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 1,880
    I bought a second hand time machine next Sunday.
    They don't make them like they're going to any more.
  • jose
    jose Posts: 1,880
    edited August 19
    According to his biography Bob Marley's two favourite interests were Fashion and Comedy.
    Or as he called it 'Get up, Stand up'.
  • MrWalker
    MrWalker Posts: 4,377
    From the Fringe;

    Li Jin Hao: A friend said to me: ‘The last thing I wanna be is racist,’ and I was like: ‘Oh, so it’s on your list?’

    Jenny Gorelick: I dated a magician – I was seeing him, now I don’t.

    Adele Cliff: I hate AI because it keeps trying to steal the jobs I love, like creative writing and being confidently wrong.
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822
    My friend just came and told me three West Ham players were playing football with a cat in the street outside the ground after the game on Saturday.

    I was horrified. I said did you phone the RSPCA?

    He said he was going to but the cat was 1-0 up so he didn't bother.
  • FreshHaddock
    FreshHaddock Posts: 191
    Little callback to the "clarinet" joke:

    I had a problem with my "John Thomas" and so I had to go and see the doctor.
    I took my trousers off and he said "Thats incredible! I've never seen one quite like it!".
    I was understandably flustered and demanded to know what he meant.
    "Well it looks exactly like a saxophone!"
    "Aah, I replied, all my family are like that. We all have genitals shaped like musical instruments."
    "This is extraordinary!" he replied, "I have no recollection of anything like this".
    After a bit of pondering he said "Now that I think about it, I did once see a young lady whose external genitalia looked exactly like a mouth organ!".
    I said "That will be be our Monica!" 
  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822

  • AddicksAddict
    AddicksAddict Posts: 16,822

  • Whinger
    Whinger Posts: 29
    edited September 2
    I thought this was a CAPTCHA, identify the total c**ts. I'm stuck on eight.

    But clever once I thought about it.

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