Has the Jokes thread disappeared?

MrWalker · October 6

R0TW said:

This bloke down the road, my palace supporting mate and whoever, walked into the pub.
Do continue.

Did the barman say, 'I wish I was a hedgehog. Then the pricks would be on the outside.'?

man_at_milletts · October 7

R0TW said:

This bloke down the road, my palace supporting mate and whoever, walked into the pub.
Do continue.

and saw the landlord's dog licking his balls.

'I wish I could do that' said your Palace supporting mate.

'Well give him a biscuit and he might let you' replied the landlord.

DaveMehmet · October 7

R0TW said:

This bloke down the road, my palace supporting mate and whoever, walked into the pub.
Do continue.

And the barman said "afternoon bloke down the road, whoever. What are you doing with that Palace c**t"?

AddicksAddict · October 11

I’m not saying you’re old, but you remember when the Bible came out.

AddicksAddict · October 13

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/fa/p9zpyj2wk6ag.jpeg

Estate agent getting into the Halloween spirit.

R0TW · October 13

Nearly as funny as you

AddicksAddict · October 17

R0TW said:

Nearly as funny as you

Not even close. Anyway:

AddicksAddict · October 20

I know this Marx Brothers joke can be reworked for anybody, but as so many of the mango moron’s supporters invoke God, I think this one works very well.

MrOneLung · October 20

no politics

AddicksAddict · October 20

MrOneLung said:

no politics

That's not politics, it's a personal attack on a vile human being, and I'm not sure about the 'human'.

AddicksAddict · October 20

But to keep MrOneLung breathing, let's have the only recorded crash between a car and a submarine, Lysekil, Sweden, August 19th, 1961.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/s8/3xnqqahzcpmd.jpeg

The guy was lucky there was a sub in the way to stop his car getting lost at sea.

Raith_C_Chattonell · October 20

Before the pile on I know! It's old, maybe gen z haven't heard it? Deserves a recycle.

A wealthy man is driving his brand-new Rolls-Royce down a country road when he spots a disheveled tramp walking along the side. Feeling generous, the rich man pulls over and offers the tramp a ride.

The tramp gratefully climbs in and settles into the plush leather passenger seat. As they cruise down the road, the tramp looks around the ultra-luxury interior in sheer amazement.

He notices some wooden pegs sitting in the cup holder, he turns to the driver, and asks, "Ere, mate... what are these for?"

The rich man smiles and says, "Oh, those? They're golf tees. You rest your balls on them while you're driving."

The tramp's eyes go wide, and he gasps, .. "Blimey ... Rolls-Royce think of everything!"

DaveMehmet · October 20

AddicksAddict said:

But to keep MrOneLung breathing, let's have the only recorded crash between a car and a submarine, Lysekil, Sweden, August 19th, 1961.

The guy was lucky there was a sub in the way to stop his car getting lost at sea.

1st recorded crash and also the 1st time the car driver was glad of someone not going down on them.

Swindon_Addick · October 20

Went to the doctor with a headache and nausea.

He said: I can’t find anything wrong with you medically, it's probably the drink.

I said: don’t be embarrassed doc, I’ll come back when you’re sober.

gringo · October 20

AddicksAddict said:

But to keep MrOneLung breathing, let's have the only recorded crash between a car and a submarine, Lysekil, Sweden, August 19th, 1961.

The guy was lucky there was a sub in the way to stop his car getting lost at sea.

bloody interesting insurance claims form.

AddicksAddict · October 21

Raith_C_Chattonell said:

Before the pile on I know! It's old, maybe gen z haven't heard it? Deserves a recycle.

A wealthy man is driving his brand-new Rolls-Royce down a country road when he spots a disheveled tramp walking along the side. Feeling generous, the rich man pulls over and offers the tramp a ride.

The tramp gratefully climbs in and settles into the plush leather passenger seat. As they cruise down the road, the tramp looks around the ultra-luxury interior in sheer amazement.

He notices some wooden pegs sitting in the cup holder, he turns to the driver, and asks, "Ere, mate... what are these for?"

The rich man smiles and says, "Oh, those? They're golf tees. You rest your balls on them while you're driving."

The tramp's eyes go wide, and he gasps, .. "Blimey ... Rolls-Royce think of everything!"

Was that before or after the fellow in the Roller passed another bloke by the side of the road who asked him how he could afford a car like that? The driver said "Well, I work for Cunard". The other guy said "Well, I work fookin' 'ard too, but I can't afford one of those".

usetobunkin · October 21

gringo said:

AddicksAddict said:

But to keep MrOneLung breathing, let's have the only recorded crash between a car and a submarine, Lysekil, Sweden, August 19th, 1961.

The guy was lucky there was a sub in the way to stop his car getting lost at sea.

bloody interesting insurance claims form.

“The Submarine just pulled out in front of me!, no signal, nothing!”

gringo · October 21

usetobunkin said:

gringo said:

AddicksAddict said:

But to keep MrOneLung breathing, let's have the only recorded crash between a car and a submarine, Lysekil, Sweden, August 19th, 1961.

The guy was lucky there was a sub in the way to stop his car getting lost at sea.

bloody interesting insurance claims form.

“The Submarine just pulled out in front of me!, no signal, nothing!”

That Submarine just popped up out of nowhere!

AddicksAddict · October 21

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5000498/uploads/editor/ci/1dum4e5yub7o.jpg

Sending your sign text off to the Welsh department to get translated is all very well.

Unless the Welsh department are out of the office and what comes back is "We are out of the office...".

AddicksAddict · October 21

Mother Superior and Sister Immaculate are driving through town and stop at the lights. Two drunks walking pass shout out "Show us yer tits, yer penguins".

Mother Superior says to Sister Immaculate "I don't think they release who we are. Show them your cross".

So Sister Immaculate winds down the window and calls out "Piss off, yer drunk wankers, or I'll come over there and rip yer balls off".

She winds the window back up and turns to Mother Superior. "Do you think that was cross enough?".