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Has the Jokes thread disappeared?
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That sort of mysogynistic joke will see this thread going the way of the previous one if the mods have their way 🙄0
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The inventor of perforated paper died today.
RIP.11 -
I never used to listen to Phil Collins songs...
but take a look at me now.9 -
I once met a bloke addicted to brake fluid. He said he could stop at any time he wanted11
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.A blonde gets a dent in her car and takes it to the repair shop. The panel-beater, noticing the woman is blonde, decides to have a wee bit of fun. So he tells her that all she has to do is take her car home and blow in the exhaust pipe until the dent pops itself out.
So the blonde goes home and gives it a try. After 15 minutes of this the blonde’s friend, who is also a blonde, comes over and asks what she is doing.
”I’m trying to pop out this dent, but it’s not really working”
”’Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”4 -
My new girlfriend tells me that having a small penis is nothing to be ashamed off. I dunno, I kind of wish she never had one at all.15
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How does an alchemist satisfy his wife?
Elixir
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misogynistTaxi_Lad said:That sort of mysogynistic joke will see this thread going the way of the previous one if the mods have their way 🙄noun0 -
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I went Speed Dating the other night,"Have you got any pets?", one lady asked."Yeah, a goldfish""Any hobbies?", she said"Yes", he loves swimming.."12
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Whereas Boris Johnson’s was being used as God’s helicopter.stonemuse said:4 -
Hezbollah reveal first image of the man who sold them their pagers and phones.0 -
Chris Eubank has just finished writing a book about Ethics. He’s said that if it’s successful, he’ll write books about Kent and Surrey too.13
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That joke wrote itself after the first sentence._MrDick said:Chris Eubank has just finished writing a book about Ethics. He’s said that if it’s successful, he’ll write books about Kent and Surrey too.1 -
Danepak said:I went to the hairdressers and said “Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?”The barber gets his clippers out and shaves my head.I said “Tom Cruise doesn’t have his hair like this!”And the barber says “He would if he came here”
This joke is from a play called ’Our Day Out’ by Willy Russell.
In the play, it’s Tony Curtis, not Tom Cruise.
Sorry to be a bore but just thought it worth adding fyi5 -
Remember when they used to have randoms presenting Top of the Pops, and Eubank had to read out the top 10 and had to say ‘ and at 6 it’s Suggs with Cecilia’_MrDick said:Chris Eubank has just finished writing a book about Ethics. He’s said that if it’s successful, he’ll write books about Kent and Surrey too.3 -
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How do you tell Normal Toad from a Horny Toad...
The Normal Toad goes Ribbit
The Horny Toad goes Rubbit...
Courtesy of QI tonight...🤦♂️2 -
A couple are going through some tough times, so they agree that the woman will walk the streets for a night and see if she can make a bit of money. The guy drops her off on a corner in a rough area of town and drives off.The next morning he picks her up and finds her with her hair a mess, make-up smudged and obviously needing a lot of rest.
She climbs in the car and excitedly says “Look honey, I made $40.50”.
”Which of the buggers gave you 50 cents?” he asks.
”All of them”. she says.8 -
Blackheathen said:A couple are going through some tough times, so they agree that the woman will walk the streets for a night and see if she can make a bit of money. The guy drops her off on a corner in a rough area of town and drives off.The next morning he picks her up and finds her with her hair a mess, make-up smudged and obviously needing a lot of rest.
She climbs in the car and excitedly says “Look honey, I made $40.50”.
”Which of the buggers gave you 50 cents?” he asks.
”All of them”. she says.
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I went to a restaurant last night.I ordered a starter and the waiter wacked me across me face.I ordered the main meal and he came over again and walloped me.I ordered dessert, and he lamped me one again....That’s the last time I go out for a slap up meal.6
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I went to see the doctor the other day. I told him every time I eat rice I become really breathless.He said I was basmatic!12
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I’ve been a fan of Gary Larson’s Farside cartoons for years, but this is one of my all-time favourites:
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Just paid £1 to put air in my tyres. It used to be 20p
Thats inflation for you!8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JGCFp839bw
https://youtu.be/Wuv1XjXmBtY?si=jb7TUmaIW70eM2Qn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FwWmLQB61k
